Coming Home: Through Flack's Eyes
by Forest Angel
Summary: A companion piece to Coming Home. This delves more into Flack's view of Nikki's return.
1. Reliving the Past Ground Zero

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_This is kind of an experiment of mine and a companion piece to Coming Home, written from Flack's POV._

**1. Reliving the Past / Ground Zero**

He caught sight of the woman leaving the elevator. At first he thought he was seeing things. But watching the staff move around her as she paused in the hallway and looked around, he realised this moment was real. She hadn't changed since he last saw her two years before; he decided she looked nervous, something which surprised him a little, but then he never thought she would return to New York, now she was here in the lab. He took a breath and approached her.

She greeted him in a cool tone. She was wary. The last time they were together they hadn't talked, they had yelled at each other until she threw him out and he left her and Amy in California, without even saying goodbye. He knew she was waiting for the backlash, he could see her reaction; he didn't want to fight with her, certainly not here in the lab.

She seemed nervous, scared even. It didn't surprise him. She had fled New York after the towers fell. Her life shattered. Best friends or not she had needed to get away and start over. He would have done anything to keep her, to have helped her through everything, but she got the chance of a job away from the city and she took it. For a year she had said. That was 5 years ago. She hadn't come back at all in that time. She had made a new life, one which hadn't included him, that bond that had kept them close for over 10 years had been shattered with angry words what felt like a lifetime ago.

He asked about Amy and found it hard to accept that she would have come all this way without her. That wasn't like her. Amy had saved her after the move, been the reason for her to keep going. She was everything. To both of them. Don had never admitted it, but he still treasured the times he had spent with them during better times. He had been there when Amy was born, he was there too, when she first walked, on her first birthday.

Memories swirled around his head as they eyed each other suspiciously. He asked why she was back. He watched as she looked away, her eyes on the floor. She mumbled something about dealing with the past. He admired her for that. He tried to do his part and offer an olive branch by asking to meet and talk.

He was desperate not to push her right now, she was clearly struggling to deal with why she came back, it wasn't going to be easy for her, the least he could do was just be there, maybe in the process he could mend some of their broken fences. He'd actually thought a lot about her in the last few months, since the bombing.

She turned him down, he could tell she wasn't ready to deal with their issues yet. She was still dealing with one reason for coming back to the city. He was about to try and persuade her that it would be just that, an opportunity to talk, about anything, when Mac appeared at his elbow and introduced himself to Nikki. He glanced between the two of them and Don knew that he sensed an unspoken friction between them. Don half shrugged as his phone rang and he excused himself.

Finishing the call he walked to the stairway so he didn't have to pass Mac and Nikki still standing by the elevator, now deep in conversation. He would have to catch up with them later, he had to go.

--

He pulled his car up next to the squad car and got out. It was still quite warm out so he left his jacket on the back seat and closed the door looking first to the area which had been taped off. Then as he turned to cross the park, his eyes were drawn to the empty skyline. His mind replaying the events of that day. He stood for a moment in silent prayer for what he too had lost that day. He did it every time he was called out to a scene downtown. He wished that there was something he could have done. But despite the badge and the motto, they were just as helpless as everyone else in the face of determined terrorists.

A shout from the uniformed officer drew him out of his reverie and he rubbed his face and strode across the park.

After some preliminary work he saw the department SUV pull up with Hawkes behind the wheel. He walked over to them as they got out of the vehicle, he looked at Nikki taking in her pale face and tense look. She glared at him like something on the bottom of her shoe when he asked if she was alright, then she asked about the case. He was concerned when he glanced at Hawkes who looked puzzled and confused.

Don watched as Hawkes and Nikki packed the evidence and her kit back into the vehicle after processing the scene. He saw her step away, move to where a corner of the park gave her a view across to Ground Zero and she stood gazing over towards the site. He paused for a moment but decided that she shouldn't have to do this alone, he went over to her. This was where their problems had begun, where he'd watched her suffer with the tragic consequences of that day 5 years ago. He knew what she was thinking, seeing, he knew she had to do this, but he wanted nothing more than to make everything right again, but he didn't know how. He waited for her to say something, she sighed; she knew he was there. She took a breath and tried to speak, her voice shaky, telling him what he already knew. She couldn't move on until she had put this behind her. She was stuck in a time warp. He understood. He seemed to have moved on, but in truth he had been caught in the ripple effect of that day too. He watched at close hand as the city fell apart, as it started to build itself like a phoenix from the ashes, but somewhere he felt lost too.

He had lost his two best friends. One to the towers and one ... well he didn't quite understand what had happened to Nikki, only that she had lost her future, no longer a newlywed, just back from honeymoon, with plans for a bright future, she was a widow and everything became too much. She had turned up at his checkpoint, sick with worry and like the rest of them covered in layers of dust. He had no words of comfort or news of survivors, She had cried on his shoulder then, an element of relief. Later when he had been allowed home, he found her in the back of a nearby café which had spent the day serving tea to the gathering masses. He found her crushed into a mass of people completely disoriented and scared. He had taken her away, tried to persuade her to go home, but after a quick check proved Jason had not been there, they had left a note and he had taken her home with him.

He sighed and shook his head, forcing himself to go to her, offer her his support once again. He was ready for her to argue with him, but anything would be better than the silent treatment he had seen before.

His nick name for her slipped out before he could stop it. She seemed resigned to everything. Once she would have argued with him about the name. She brushed a tear from her face, shivered and turned heading for the vehicle. He stared at the site for a moment longer, wondering what he could do to help.

--

A week later he found her preparing to leave the lab. He had watched her in the last week. She was confident in her work, the staff in the lab accepted her. She wasn't mixing well, keeping everyone at arms length. He wasn't surprised. He knew what she was planning to do, they hadn't discussed it, but her timing for coming back told him everything. She was there for the anniversary. Five years had passed, but it still felt like it had just happened sometimes, especially this week. He stopped her, offered to switch shifts, to go with her. She declined, telling him she needed to do it alone. He held out the olive branch again, offering to be there if she needed him, offering to check up on her after. She didn't argue, but didn't accept either. He let her go reluctantly, knowing that she needed to do some of the work herself.

--

The following day he had spent around the precinct, officially on call, but distracted enough that the only time he wasn't thinking about her was when he forced himself to focus on the pile of files on his desk. It had been a good day for paperwork. His phone rang. A moment later he had abandoned the files and left without a word, finding himself standing outside her door, waiting. He looked up and down the street. Nothing moved. He lowered himself slowly to sit on the step, his eyes fixed on the end of the street knowing that she would be back and would need him. He was grateful for the head's up from Mac. He guessed they had run into each other during the afternoon. Mac was concerned enough to find someone to be there for her, knowing that he still had his own issues to deal with. A yellow cab turned the corner, its headlights piercing the dark street. As it pulled up at the kerb he pulled himself up tiredly. She climbed the steps towards him, he knew she'd question his presence. He tried to reassure her, he knew she wasn't in the mood to talk and that she wouldn't sleep. She looked so lost. She brushed past him and turned around. He twisted in place and reached out for her pulling her close and wrapping his arms around her, holding her trying to give her some reassurance and strength. How he walked away he never knew, a shared look of understanding told each other how they were feeling. They knew the other was there and somehow always would be. He let her go, she needed time to process everything. He knew she would call if she needed him and if she didn't call, he would call her.

* * *

_My muse demanded that I write this down a few weeks ago. I have two chapters written which could be a companion piece to Coming Home. Please tell me what you think. Would you like more?_


	2. Discoveries to Melting the Ice

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_Thanks to everyone who reviewed or added alerts, here is another instalment, t__his covers the chapters 2 to 6 of Coming Home_

**2. Discoveries to Melting the Ice**

He spotted her leaving the elevator, he had been loitering for almost an hour waiting to check-up on her. She was still looking exhausted, the dark circles under her eyes getting more pronounced as the day had progressed. He was worried about her, but he knew that if he asked how she was again she would loose it with him. He tried to play it cool, teasing her instead. He knew she wasn't sleeping and he knew why too. She had been plagued by nightmares after the towers fell and he guessed now they were back again. He was a little surprised when she confessed the answer to his query. Maybe it was just that she was too tired to think. She needed to sleep, but that wouldn't come easy for her just yet. He already had plans for dinner with his parents so he offered to take her. He knew his folks would love to see her again, but she turned him down. He was about to dispute her on call status while she could barely keep her eyes open, but Danny arrived and dragged her away to some crime scene at the city dump.

He didn't see her much after that. He knew Danny would look out for her make sure that Mac sent her home if things got too much. But he couldn't help but wish he'd pulled the same scene to keep an eye on her himself. She wasn't ready to deal with the city again on her own, but he had to trust her, let her know that he was there if she needed a friend. She had to do this for herself, but it wouldn't stop him worrying about her and checking up on her.

After running into her in the lab all hell broke loose, he was called to a crime scene in Brooklyn and while he was there construction workers discovered several bodies in a building inside the Ground Zero perimeter, which was finally being demolished. Realistically there were few chances that they would be identified if they were as old as was thought. The team had proven that 18 months before when DNA in a skeleton was too degraded. Most people like Mac had long ago given up hope of having their loved ones identified. He'd finally accepted it and seemed to be moving on with his life. Flack suspected that there was a little more than friendship between him and the new ME, Peyton Driscoll, but Mac had admitted nothing.

As if the week wasn't bad enough they quickly determined that the bodies were casualties of the towers. Nikki got the news from lab gossip while he was away. He was scared what state she would be in when he got back to the lab, but a brief conversation with Stella assured him she was still in the lab and working; she wasn't alone somewhere trying to take in the day's events. She still held out a sliver of hope that among the little wreckage left they would find his body. She needed that closure, the death certificate meant nothing too her, a scrap of paper telling her the city had written him off a hero. To her she needed the proof and without it both her and Amy were in limbo, unable to move forward. He should know, he'd tried to convince her often enough.

Later Danny got pulled from his case to work with Stella on identification and news came through that one of the bodies could be a cop. He was stuck elsewhere and wished he could just get back to the lab. Whatever she was feeling would be magnified a hundredfold. A cop meant that there was a possibility that she would finally have closure. A one in about 300 chance, but still a chance.

It was after midnight when he wrapped up the case he had been working. News had filtered through that Mac had sent home everyone in the lab. He wondered whether to go over to her place. He doubted she would be sleeping, but he hoped he was wrong and if she was he didn't want to wake her. With a heavy heart and tired mind he dragged himself home. Tomorrow, he would find her and talk to her.

It was several hours into his shift the next day when he was able to get to the lab. When he did he half wished he hadn't as he saw Stella and Danny in one of the labs looking at the picture of one of the first responders on the big screen. His stomach dropped and he pushed wearily through the door to join them. He leant on the counter before his legs gave out and found himself staring at a number of bagged items including a wedding band. He picked it up, then stared at the screen again. He must have looked awful, because Stella had asked. Finally he managed to stammer like a two year old and ask about Jason. Danny and Stella were surprised to find they had known each other, their shock compounded a moment later when they realised that their victim was Nikki's missing husband. Don stared between the photo on the screen and the figure in the lab next door. She was about to get her wish, he offered to break the news. He wanted her to hear it from him.

It was several hours before all the test results were in and Mac gave him the go ahead to tell her. In the meantime he deliberately avoided her knowing that she would be able to pull it from him without trying. Sheldon was with her as he entered the lab, but agreed to give them a few moments. She continued to work until he stopped her, taking her hands making her sit on one of the stools. The look on his face had been enough to stop any protests.

"You're here to tell me they found him?" Don nodded. "I know Danny and Stella were looking at his records earlier. I saw what they had on the screen I knew if you came for me... It's really him?"

"I'm sorry babe." Then the tears came and he wrapped his arms around her and let her know he was there for her.

--

He dropped the phone and stood up grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair he cursed as he headed for the lab. He knew immediately what she was intending. Her mind wasn't on the job, his wasn't so he knew damned well hers wouldn't be. This was the moment she had waited for and he knew what she would try. He had to be there. The elevator seemed to take forever, he just hoped it wasn't too late when he got there.

He sighed with relief when the doors opened and he saw her in the hallway. He saw the look on Danny's face and called out to her. He saw the look in her eyes as she yelled at him. Nothing was going to stop her. He wished it would, that he could, but he knew it was something she needed to do. He told Danny to let her go. She never waited for the answer and disappeared. He knew what Danny was thinking, what he had been telling her. Danny stared at him, a critical look. Don knew her, she needed this. He promised to go with her to placate everyone and stop her from doing something stupid.

--

After Jason's funeral and seeing his parents home, Don took the girls out; a rare day off that he would have liked to spend anywhere else. Nikki and Jenna had held up well, but now they were struggling with the day's events. He was aware that Nikki was quiet, oblivious to the conversation he was having with Jenna. He saw her playing with the wedding ring, she had barely worn. A few minutes later he was alone with her. Jenna gone to check on her parents before going home. But not without telling them that they had something special, that they should talk. He stared at his drink for a while, not knowing where to start. Things were still tense between them. They had kept things neutral for the most part the last few weeks. Now with her reasons for being in the city over, he knew she would go home. Back to California never to return. She had no reason to, her new life was there. The old one had too many memories.

He looked up when she spoke, he could see the pain and sadness reflected in her eyes. She wasn't really ready for them to talk, if they did he could see her ending in a downward spiral. She might have appeared tough and confident to those who met her now, but he had been there then, seen how the system had treated her, glad to have been a friend when she needed one. Just one stupid mistake five years earlier had condemned them to what they were now. He tried to keep things light, playing on things from better times. She opened the door to the long overdue discussion when she asked about his love life. Their previous history was always there though bubbling under the surface, threatening to erupt. They each made some admissions, but nothing would get resolved. Not that night, that was for movies and fairytales.

They talked about Halloween, about the little girl that meant the world to them, a little girl he barely knew. One he hadn't seen for two years because neither of them was prepared to build the bridge. He did manage to get her to smile once or twice, it was a good feeling, even when they joked about her early times with Jason. The team arrived to them grinning over a private joke. Nikki's mask dropped and she became all business, talking about the case that had links to her job in California and a brief mention of her Mum, but there was no mention of the little girl that meant so much to her. He never mentioned her either. Still wary of letting her do this her way.

He could tell when she had had enough. She looked tired, her eyes caught his and he acknowledged it with a look of his own. He was pleased when she asked him to take her home. Even if it was quite clear she needed a brotherly shoulder to lean on. He was sure his heart beat a little faster when leaving her at home; she'd finally taken hold of his olive branch and suggested dinner at their favourite restaurant the following evening.

* * *

_Not sure when the next instalment will be up as I'm supposed to be revising for my exam in 2 weeks! But I'll be interested to see what you make of this._


	3. Friction to Amy 1

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**3. Friction to Amy 1**

He had been talking to Stella in the Jewellery store when he heard HER call from the vault at the back, her tone immediately sent him reaching for his gun, but he never got there before the shot echoed around the store. He didn't wait for back-up, just ran straight into the vault, afraid of what he might find.

She was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall. He dropped to his knees at her side as he holstered his weapon. His eyes checking her over. She was breathing heavily and her skin pale. His took a breath trying to calm his nerves when he realised there was no blood. He never heard Stella follow him in. Nikki did and said something; he never heard what. Before he knew she was pushing herself up and staggering across the room. He watched her for a moment then rose and stepped over to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. He could feel her trembling, finally he found his voice again and suggested she got checked out by the medics who had been loitering outside a few minutes earlier. His hand felt suddenly cold as she stepped away from him and pitched forwards. His arms caught her. His stomach felt like it was being strangled. She again declined help and moved towards the wall after the bullet. He watched as she staggered again, using the wall for support this time. He knew she wasn't right, this time he'd make her listen. Harsh words were exchanged, he watched the little colour she had drain from her. Her eyes glaze over. He was glad when Stella agreed with him, effectively dismissing her from the scene. If he thought he could have got away with it he would have carried her out, but he had to be grateful that a hand on her back wasn't rejected.

He waited at a discreet distance as the medics looked her over, the sound of the shot echoed in his mind, each time he felt like his insides had been ripped apart again. He thought about what could have happened if he had met her for dinner the other night. Her acceptance of the olive branch was still pending. Dinner had been a blow-out. He'd caught another jewellery store heist with Danny and Lindsay and practically stood her up. He was grateful she understood the job and had easily accepted his apology. Everyone was relieved that Lindsay had come out of everything relatively unscathed as her brief under-cover ploy failed. Don watched Nikki talking to her boss for a moment before they walked back into the store. He opened his mouth as she walked past, she kept her eyes on the store and just put her hand up.

"Just don't." She seethed and stepped inside.

--

The next time he saw her she was in the lab with Stella. He pushed the door open and walked in. He looked at Stella briefly, but his focus was on the blonde woman with her. He asked how she was feeling, still concerned about the bang on the head she received earlier. She wasn't interested in him taking care of her, she wanted to solve the case, so reluctantly he fed her the information he had discovered from his enquiries. He revealed there was a suspect being brought in and thinking there was no way he was going to let her go into the interrogation, he looked at Stella. He knew he'd put his foot in it again when she looked up from the microscope. The look she gave him seconds before her mouth opened told him that he'd gone all protective big brother on her again. Whatever he knew it didn't stop him from yelling back at her though. He thought she was taking the whole almost being killed thing a little too lightly. He wanted her to realise that it was a near miss, that she was lucky. She lowered her voice and told him something about using the evidence. Stella passed some smart ass comment causing him to totally lose it as he yelled at Nikki again. She replied and stormed out. He heard Stella comment and looked at her. She didn't understand. Inside he was crumbling, he didn't want to lose her again, that was a defining moment. Stella's words of counsel made him realise that they were right, he would have to let the evidence talk, but most of all it was that moment when he realised how much she meant, that he didn't want her walking out of his life again. He would be the one to crumble this time. He knew it wouldn't be easy, she still wasn't ready for another relationship, but he needed to build some bridges, that would be a step in the right direction.

It wasn't often that Don Flack admitted he was wrong, he did once over a case to Stella, but never to anyone he was in love with. Wait ... where did that come from? He wasn't in love with her. Was he? Stella was waiting for him to acknowledge what she said. She was right he did know Nikki best, he also realised that she was probably still in shock, not to mention having a hell of a headache from the possible concussion. He nodded at Stella, resolving to start making amends.

--

Stella was sitting at the table in the interrogation room watching the slime-ball in front of them. He was a sleazy S.O.B.. He was playing them and Don knew it. He clenched his fists trying to keep his temper under control as the guy gave them another sly grin in response to questions about ownership of the safety deposit box.

Don slammed his fists on the table making the file jump. Valdez, smirked. "You're really wearing my patience Valdez, if the gun isn't yours and the diamonds aren't yours then why have the box?" Spat Don as the door opened and the lawyer called a halt to the interrogation. Stella stood up. Flack slammed the chair against the table.

"We're not done here." He threatened and stormed out. He knew he needed to get his temper under control and walked off leaving Stella to return to the lab.

He wanted to hit something. He wanted to hit Valdez, but that would be career suicide, he went outside and dropped onto the bench by the entrance. He leaned over and ran his hands through his hair, if he was off the clock he would be down the street at Sullivan's with a bottle of scotch, but he couldn't do that now. He let his mind drift for a few minutes before he realised what he had to do. With a deep sigh he stood up and headed back into the building. He searched the lab for ages until someone mentioned she was doing a reconstruction with Mac. He was grateful the older man let her take a break. She still looked pale, her features tense. He knew she still had a headache. He lead her to the locker room where they could have some privacy and his mouth engaged before his brain, spewing some random stuff about apologies. She wasn't happy and she made sure he knew it. She thought he was talking about Valdez. He told her to speak to Stella. She wasn't prepared to listen and turned away. Instinctively he had reached out and grabbed her arm stopping her. He begged her to listen, a little surprised when she agreed.

In two breaths he apologised to her and almost told her how he had felt, what he was feeling about her. The look on her face told him she wasn't ready to hear it and he stopped himself and let his mouth spew some crap about not wanting her to get hurt. It was an admission of sorts. She had always known, right from the moment they met, but this was the first time he had openly admitted it. Something must have reached her, because he saw the anger in her dissipate before his eyes; he watched as she sighed heavily before answering him. Her words came from the heart telling him what he really knew, what he would have said himself it had been anyone else. Then came the bombshell. She hinted at the bombing. When she reached out and rested her hand on his stomach, she hit the exact spot which bore the scars. He felt like his stomach was on fire. How she knew where he'd been injured, then she told him. Cassie, his sister in law, had kept her in the loop, rang her as soon as the family knew, so she wouldn't hear it on the news. He should have guessed.

She removed her hand and he felt his stomach tingle still from her touch. He watched her walking away. He hung his head and rubbed his hand across his stomach.

"The bombing affected me too, Cassie protected you, that was when I decided to come home." He looked up at her. He caught the tears in her eyes as she turned and left.

He wondered then if there would ever be a chance of her returning permanently to the city or whether all the memories would be too much and she would cut all ties completely. If she came home, it would mean a chance to spend time with the daughter he barely knew, if she didn't Amy would be lost to him for good. They really needed to talk, about a lot of things and soon.

--

He really wished Mac had sent her home to rest. She still had a killer headache and insisted she was fine. No one prepared to argue with her. He glanced at her slumped in the passenger seat as they fought the evening traffic. He smirked and shook his head when he saw her head rested on the window. She opened an eye, knowing he was looking at her. He passed comment. She sat up and snapped at him. He was ready this time. Promising to try and ease off a bit over protecting her. She eased back in the seat and closed her eyes.

He glanced at her and grinned, he still couldn't figure out how she could sleep almost anywhere. He thought again about their encounter in the locker room earlier. The look on her face when she told him that the bombing had affected her too, that it was the catalyst for her coming back had surprised him. They really needed to talk without any distractions. But despite running several ideas through his head, he still hadn't worked out how to make it happen when they reached the station.

--

It was the end of his shift and he thought he would try and persuade Nikki to take off with him. He already knew Mac and Stella were on the verge of sending her home. It had been a hell of a day and they both needed time out, maybe she would agree to him taking her home. He called her as he entered the lab. Her phone answered, but there was no response.

"Nikki? Talk to me, where are you?" He knew something was wrong, he felt his gut tighten for about the hundredth time that day. He was about to call again when she whispered back. One strained word told him she was in trouble. He practically ran into her office, cancelling one call and making another. She looked dazed, tears on her cheeks. He gently pushed her into a chair asking her what was wrong. He let his eyes follow her hand as it wafted over the desk. He saw her wedding ring, a package and a bouquet of yellow roses. He didn't know much about flowers, he only ever really bought them for his Ma, but he knew Jason had always bought her yellow roses. He was at a loss what to say to her. He eyed everything again and tried to reassure her only to have her cut him off, her shock wearing off now and anger starting to build. She pushed a letter at him, with a photo attached. He looked into the crystal blue eyes of the young dark haired girl. He was quickly brought out of the moment of reverie when she told him where the photo came from and the realisation hit her that Amy could be in danger. The fear hit him too. He dropped the phone, his hands on her gaining her attention as he bent to look in her eyes. He tried to calm her down, reassured her that he would have someone check on her mother and Amy. It seemed to work. She started to relax a little, allowing him time to complete the call to Mac.

The evening was a blur, a trip to her house, Hawkes processing it like a crime scene, reporting back to Mac. Now he was alone with her in the locker room again reassuring her that her daughter was alright. That he had spoken to her himself. They had had a few shaky moments after that, but for the moment had agreed a truce. With her house currently a crime scene, she was going home with him. He'd promised to try and rein in any overprotective tendencies, but that didn't stop him from taking her hand or carrying her bag as they left the locker room.

The ride home in silence allowed him time to reflect on the conversation he'd had earlier with the little girl who was practically a stranger to him.

"_Amy? I'm a friend of your Ma's she's been real busy and asked me to call and say hi to you."_

"_Do I know you?"_

"_Sort of, I haven't seen you in a few years, the last time you were only two so you won't remember me."_

"_But I do, she told me all about you, you're a 'tective in New York. ... Mummy showeded me pictures and film. ... Are you my Daddy?"_

_Don found himself almost in tears as he choked up at the girl's words. "Yeah, sweetheart I'm your Daddy and I'm really looking forward to seeing you soon."_

"_Me too, tell Mummy to bring you home with her, you can take me to the park."_

"_I'd like that a lot."_

* * *

_I had to include his conversation with Amy at the end._

* * *


	4. Developments to A Mistake

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**4. Developments to ****A Mistake**

The call out came around 10 pm. He didn't want to leave her alone, but he was on call and he had to go. He thought about her practically every spare moment he had that night, even some not so spare moments. Wandering though the crime scene he noted Danny and Lindsay were a little off with each other. He knew they were planning dinner together and hoped that had nothing to do with the chill in the air between them. The scene kept them up all night, so when a sliver of information turned up on his desk for her case as he turned up at the precinct to sign out he took it straight to the lab. A perfect opportunity to check on how she was doing.

She still looked pale and tired. He was surprised Stella was letting her work. He handed over the file and got exactly the reaction he expected due to the paucity of information in the file. He did the only thing he could, promised to keep digging for information. Stella's discovery of a possible subject sent them out to interview the guy before he finally got to go home and sleep. Although sleep didn't exactly come straight away, he lay in bed his mind going over recent events, the fact that he had brought her home the night before, giving her a place to stay, that she obviously hadn't slept much the night before, but still insisted on working. All he wanted to do was to get her out of the city, take her to Amy and spend time with them, getting to know them again. Gradually the incessant images and thoughts in his mind merged into one, overloading his brain and he slept.

--

Things changed little in the Flack household during the following week. He was pleased that she hadn't had any more deliveries and that she was finally able to sleep most of the night. The nightmares beginning to subside. Mac refused to allow her to go home yet, so she was still camped in his spare room and they had managed to survive without killing each other, although a couple of time he wondered how. They were talking, but still nothing specific, except for those couple of times when they screamed at each other; he was amazed the neighbours hadn't complained.

Things were getting frustrating, the cases were hitting road blocks, she wasn't about to talk to him about much more than the weather and the atmosphere in the lab between Danny and Lindsay was tense.

Finally they had some good news, a case to case hit on a bullet from Danny and Lindsay's scene matched the jewellery store. He heard the girls were running the interrogation. This he had to see. Besides it gave him a legitimate reason to check up on her.

Entering the observation room he found Danny inside. They exchanged small talk about the case, while Don's eyes remained firmly fixed on the woman at the table. The alarm quickly drew his attention back and he replied to Danny's question with some smart ass remark. He turned his head back to watch the interrogation and Danny picked that moment to quiz him about her. He denied all desire to get together with her, despite Danny pushing his buttons. He pretended it was never going to happen. Something he really hoped wouldn't happen, but right now it wasn't guaranteed either. His phone ringing gave him the perfect opportunity to leave the room.

--

Lindsay was alone in the break room when he arrived in the lab a while later. Hearing that Nikki had gone out alone to a call made his stomach sink. He snatched his phone and pressed her cell number, frustrated when all he got was voicemail. When Lindsay said she had already tried and that Hawkes had asked the same questions he really felt sick. He had walked out without another word. He decided to see the boss, find out what was happening. He ran up the stairs to the floor above, meeting Hawkes on the way. The doctor quickly reassured him she had been in touch and that he was personally going to bring her back. Letting the doctor go he marched into Mac Taylor's office, the fear had gone and he was furious. Furious at her that she had taken the call on face value, furious at Mac for letting her continue in the field, furious at himself for not paying better attention to what was going on and protecting her.

He could still remember the heated discussion that ensued, oblivious to the stares of the lab staff through the glass walls, as they waited for Nikki and Hawkes to return.

Both visibly relaxed a little as she entered the office and took a seat. He had to give the CSI boss his due, he tried to get her out of the picture, send her away somewhere safe. He was angry that she turned the offer down. Insisting on working through the crazy shit that was happening to her. He was slightly relieved when she offered to stick to lab work, but he thought Mac was going to say no, until he saw his eyes rest on the pile of files on his desk. He held his tongue, this was between her and her boss, she would rip him to shreds if he added his two-pennyworth, as much as he wanted to then drag her away to somewhere safe. He did gain some satisfaction when she accepted Mac's plan to work through the cold cases on his desk.

They both watched her walk out. Don made to follow her.

"Flack, wait a minute." He stopped and turned around. Mac motioned for him to sit down again, but he remained standing, bracing himself for the next shot to hit him. "The call from Hawkes when she came in. ... There's been another delivery. He's cleared it through X-ray and taken it to the spare layout room. This is starting to get really ugly."

"Find whoever's doing this Mac, find something that I can haul the guys ass in on. ... She can't take much more." And neither can I he thought.

Mac nodded in silent agreement.

--

He wanted to find her, let her know that he was there for her, that they would get results. He wandered into her office noted the scattered files on the desk and the roses and pulled out his phone. This time it wasn't even voicemail, it was off, Danny found him and greeted him cheerfully, he scowled at him and mumbled about finding her and having Hawkes check the flowers before checking everywhere he could think of.

He found her in the locker room, sitting with her head in her hands, her long blond hair hanging loose across her face. Her whole posture telling him she was upset. He sat next to her and went to comfort her, but she wasn't interested. She shot up screaming at him and left.

He sat for a moment and ran his hands over his face. She was stressed, upset, even angry, he got that, he really did, what he didn't get is why she felt she needed to keep him at arms length, why she wouldn't talk about anything. He sighed and stood up. He wouldn't get any answers unless he found her again and persuaded her to talk.

He regretted snapping at Danny when he went back to the lab, but all he could think of was Nikki trying to deal with things alone, that she could be making a mistake, leaving herself vulnerable for this guy to take things to the next level. He knew he was playing with them waiting for a chance to get to her directly, something he wasn't going to let happen. He knew she wouldn't thank him for playing body guard, but he was scared of what would happen to Amy if anything happened to her mother. He wasn't going to stand by and let anything happen to the only parent she had known.

He was relieved when Lindsay found her in the garage and immediately headed down to join her. One look at Lindsay and her silent communication to him told him all he needed to know. She was safe, but not in a good way, but that didn't really prepare him for what he saw when he opened the car door. She was hunched over the steering wheel, her hands white with the grip she had of it, her face streaked with tears, her eyes sad and dull, her hair matted where she had constantly been running her fingers through it. She wasn't ready to talk. He offered a moment of silent support before making her an offer to take her home and feed her. He was sending silent prayers of thanks when without too much persuasion she agreed. Unfortunately it was not to be the quiet stress free evening he wanted.

She had shut herself in her room when they got home. Ignoring his knocks and requests to come and eat. After several hours he decided he needed to take action. He threatened to break the door down if she didn't come out. **BAD MOVE**. He was not even remotely ready for the tornado which shot through the apartment. She snatched up any of her belongings lying around and shoved them into a case all the while yelling at him to leave her the hell alone, except she never said hell, what came out of her was like nothing he had ever heard before, especially from her. He tried to talk her down, he really did, but she was beyond listening. Inevitably he yelled back. Inevitably they both said things they would later regret, in the end the tears came and she shut herself in the room again. He could hear her through the walls. He knew she had sat in front of the door. It was clear there would be no communication for a while. There was no chance that he could get close to hug her and tell her he was sorry. That he worried about her. Eventually he heard the bed creak and when he eventually dared to look in on her she was sleeping restlessly, still sobbing. It was no surprise then that she was plagued with nightmares throughout the night.

He tried knocking on her door the next morning, when he got no response he dared to open the door. The bed had been made and she was gone. The place leaving no trace she had ever been there. That's what lead him to Stella in the lab. He needed some perspective. A woman's view couldn't hurt either the way things were at the moment. He was pleased Stella was now in the loop over the stalker and she offered some sound advice, he hoped some girl time would help the situation. That was when his phone quacked at him. Not what he wanted at that moment. He was glad it amused someone, he now just wanted to kill Nikki for doing it after the night they had together. But in some small way it connected him to her again.

--

When he returned to the lab later Stella was still working with the photos which had arrived the day before. He had known about them, but hadn't seen them. Now he was standing with his hands pressed against the table top, more to hold himself up than anything, as he stared at the images before him. An idea occurred to him, it gave Stella some hope as he offered to go track down the CCTV footage required.

He hadn't planned to see her yet, but his way out went by her office. He stopped in the doorway. She knew he was there, and he knew it. She never looked at him. She snapped at him without taking her eyes off the computer. He took a deep breath and stepped further into the room. Fighting to keep his voice low and controlled, he told her about the package, the photos, that she was being followed. She barely reacted. They managed a semi normal conversation, he could see the resignation in her posture, he knew it would be reflected in her eyes if he got to see them. Everything that had happened in the last month or so, since she ventured back into the city had been eating away at her, the last vestige of any spark of life had left her the night before when the tears came. Now she was defeated, tired and resigned to what would follow. She wouldn't argue with him. She didn't have the energy. There was a sliver of hope when he agreed with Mac's advice and instructions regarding her safety. He tried to bait her into a reaction, but nothing came. He felt the chill run up his spine and his stomach drop when she talked about going back to California and leaving New York, leaving them, this time for good. He didn't want her to do that, it wasn't an option for her to leave before they had talked about them and Amy. He needed her to open up to talk to him, he needed her to understand where he stood in their non existent relationship. He watched her as he told her he was glad she returned. This time she looked up, straight at him, her eyes a mess of converging emotions. He listened as she talked about mistakes, about New York no longer being home, but now his heart felt like it was being crushed. He had to make her understand. He got down to her level their eyes fixed on each others. He promised her the earth at that moment. She needed to know that there would be closure, that things would get better. For now it was enough, he prayed that it was true. For the next few hours they worked together, she was never out of his sight, working professionally as they got out of the lab.

He didn't want to leave her when they returned, but when she questioned his presence he knew, as much as it tore him up to do it he owed her some space. He promised her to lay off the protective big brother act, she was in the lab, surrounded by people who knew her, people who were watching out for her. And the truth was he had a shit load of paperwork waiting for him on his own desk. He conceded to leaving her alone and hated every step which took him away from her, but he had to show her he could respect her space.

For now an uneasy calm settled over the lab and it's occupants, ... but that was to be short-lived.

* * *

_This will give a few insights into things which were glossed over in Coming Home. You have had a little insight into his relationship building with Amy and the big fight at his apartment. There will also be an additional scene between him and Mac in the next chapter, which Nikki wasn't there for. _

_Hope you like where this is going. Feedback appreciated. _


	5. Bait to A Night In

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_A big thank you to lily moonlight, hope4sall and Brown eyed Girl 75 for your encouragment to continue this. It is a big change to the way I normally write and I hope I'm doing Flack's character justice and not making him too OOC or a wimp!_

**5****. Bait to A Night In**

He followed Mac into his office. They had been downtown to call on someone who used to work with Jason, to try and get some perspective on who could be behind Nikki's stalker, the flowers were unnerving her big time, the fact that they had his wedding ring only added to her stress. Was someone playing a sick game trying to make her think he was still alive? Don knew that was impossible, especially after the discovery of his body the previous month. They had no leads, whoever this guy was, and he had no doubt it was a guy, he knew enough about forensics to have left no trace of himself. He rubbed his hand across his face, aware that Mac was watching him. They had to do something, she was cracking and couldn't take much more. She normally didn't stress about things, this was so not like her, he knew a lot of their fights were a defence mechanism on her part, she was trying to protect herself. He looked up.

"Mac, I've got an idea." He announced. And so ensued several minutes of heated discussion. He bit his tongue when Mac waved her into the office and explained where they had been and that it had been a wasted trip. He watched her eyes flick around the room, almost as if she was waiting for the next thing to happen. When she asked about what would happen next and looked at him he breathed deeply and told her he wanted to draw the guy out. Their eyes held each other in silent understanding. Just to be sure she questioned his intent. He stepped forward and reassured her. Told her what she needed to hear.

He almost lost it when Mac put in his bit of advice, telling her she didn't have to put herself out there as bait. There was no way her boss knew her better than he did and he knew what she needed. He knew she would have to make the final decision, and he hoped she would agree with him. He had to stay calm. Her eyes met his again, searching, looking for answers, he tried his hardest to keep a neutral look, not let on how terrified he was that this guy might get to her more than he already had.

Nikki's hands were cold when he took them in his, they were shaking too as she listened to his suggestion. He was glad she shot Mac down when he tried to stop him telling her. He made an impassioned speech to her and hoped she wouldn't walk out. Slowly he let her hand go and drew out the ring which he had been carrying around since the break in at her house, the ring which had been her grandmother's engagement ring. He slid it onto her finger wishing that it was in different circumstances and a ring he had chosen for her. He knew she recognised it. He would tell her later how exactly it came to be in his possession, but for now she had accepted his proposition. The important thing was that she would be safe. No one was going to get to her while he was around. He realised they were still staring at each other when Mac cleared his throat. He was trying to check again she was going through with the plan, hoping to change her mind. Don was impressed when Nikki stood up to her boss and laid out how she felt. Mac finally conceded and left to brief the team, leaving him and Nikki alone to talk details. Honestly? Details were the last thing on his mind, he wondered what she would say now that they were alone. He needed to get in first and opened his mouth. He barely got through half the sentence when she silenced him the way she always had. A finger on his lips. He loved that about her. She had got so comfortable with him as a friend all those years ago that some moments like that just happened. With anyone else she would maintain that stiff upper lip of hers and be the reserved English Rose he'd seen in school.

She told him he was doing the right thing. She knew he had initiated the change. He admitted he wanted time for them before she left the city. That he didn't want her walking out of his life again. Finally they began to build their fences. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, whispering reassuring words in her ear.

--

Sometimes he wondered why they had to stop by the locker room that night. She gave him some excuse and he found himself leaning against one while she opened hers. The squeal she gave as she shot back into the lockers behind her as her hand instinctively rescued a falling object. All before he could push himself up to reach her. He did anyway and was glad he had when her legs buckled leaving him to take her weight. He lowered them both to the bench and tightened his arms around her. A single red rose in her hands. He felt her shiver as she rested her head against his shoulder.

The moment of tranquillity shattered as Danny and Lindsay entered noisily. She pulled away from him; leaving him feeling cold and empty, all he wanted to do was tell them to get lost, find someplace else to be; he wanted her back where she had been a moment before. That obviously wasn't going to happen anytime soon as they talked food, he had to admit his stomach was starting to protest at the lack of more than a muffin he had eaten for breakfast. What he was surprised at was the invitation she extended to Danny/Lindsay to join them - AT HIS PLACE! He was amused at her confidence in doing so. He loved hearing her do it too.

--

GROCERIES!! She had made him go shopping for groceries on their way home, all the time teasing him about the contents of his fridge. He didn't complain. OK not much anyway. She looked happier and more relaxed that she had done for a while, for that he was grateful, but his nerves were shot to hell as he tried to give everyone around them the once over to identify her stalker. He was relieved when they finally got home. While she went to the kitchen to put the shopping away he quickly stowed their bags and closed all the curtains in the apartment. Blocking the view for anyone who might have been watching, he didn't think there was, but couldn't be one hundred percent positive. At least he'd tried to check, scanning every angle of the street before closing each curtain.

His self imposed task complete he wandered into the kitchen and leaned on the door frame, his jacket and tie now discarded. He saw her roll her head and he knew what was coming. He watched her hand move to her shoulder and he stepped behind her. Sliding one hand around her waist he began massaging her sore muscles with his free hand. He felt the shiver which ran through her body as he touched her. He could smell her perfume and shampoo. He had forgotten how much she loved that scent. He never realised how close they had got until she stepped away thanking him for the mini-massage, before disappearing. He heard the shower running when he left the kitchen a little while later. With only one bathroom he had to wait for his turn, so he dropped on to the couch and flicked the TV on with the remote he snatched from the table.

"Don?"

He wasn't prepared for the sight which met him when he looked up. She was leaning against wall wearing one of his shirts. His eyes strayed over her, lingering on her legs before looking up at her face. He vaguely heard her say something about borrowing it while her hair dried. He didn't mind, how could he, she looked good in it and it wasn't the first time she'd done it. But before never had this effect, he needed a shower, a cold shower, give himself time to think. Things were too precarious at the moment, they couldn't do anything until the stalker was caught, he didn't think she would let him. He raked his eyes over her again. He was still tempted to ... No not possible, not yet, things had to be better, to be right. Now would be taking advantage, well that was what his head was saying while the rest of his anatomy screamed at him to do something else and damn the consequences. He forced his head to rule, this time there wouldn't be consequences, not like before. This time the consequences would come from what they both wanted, what she was ready for. He smiled at her as he got up and went towards her, heading for his bedroom. In any other situation like this between them there had been lively banter, but this time there was a difference. An air of expectancy, of anticipation. She looked a little confused as he walked towards her.

He stopped and whispered in her ear "As good as it looks on you I don't recommend that you do that too often or I may just forget friendship" before continuing to the bedroom. He hadn't laid a finger on her then, so why did he feel like a school kid sneaking into the cookie jar? Was it really possible that after all this time she could perhaps be ready to move on? That she would want to move on to him. ... He rubbed his hand over his face and tossed his shirt into the laundry hamper. His mind raking through the night he found her in tears at his old place, where he had cradled her until she couldn't cry anymore, then spent the rest of the night making love to her. Something about that night and the few they had shared since, becoming the standard he had been aspiring to live up to ever since. He'd had girlfriends, no question, and a number of them. But he never felt with them the satisfaction and peace that he felt when he was with her, and it was a feeling which wasn't just confined to the bedroom, it was just more intense there.

--

He emerged into the lounge quietly, his eyes fixed on her, her feet up on the couch, wearing a tight fitting pair of jeans and a skimpy top. Her hair flowing around her shoulders and her focus on the book she was reading. When she eventually looked up he noted her eyes rake over him, followed by an approving nod. Having thought in the bedroom he had everything under control, he really wasn't so sure now. He had worn a blue shirt, untucked from his jeans, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top buttons undone. He knew she liked blue shirts on him. She always had, said the blue enhanced his blue eyes. She also liked the less formal way he wore it. He hadn't thought about what to wear particularly, almost reaching for the first thing in the closet, except the shirt, he had discarded the t-shirt in favour of the more formal dress shirt. He didn't know why, now he knew that he had done it for her, whether to cheer her up or what he couldn't figure out.

He hadn't moved from his spot by the hallway, his eyes still on her. She accused him of staring at her. OK maybe he was, who wouldn't the way she looked right then. He thought fast and remembered his phone. He sounded like a babbling toddler. She played him well, she kept her cool and kept her eyes on her book as she replied. The next few minutes were relaxed and normal, they seemed to have found some equilibrium and rediscovered a little of their early easygoing camaraderie. They certainly knew how to tease each other and wind each other up. It was like an art they had mastered.

He threatened her with tricks, she denounced his plan without looking up from her book. He hadn't moved and neither had she but things were tense, but in a fun, teasing, anticipatory way, he was pleased to see a sparkle in her eyes as she taunted him. He knew she was trying to keep the look on her face neutral. Damn she caught him still staring at her, but he refused to back down. Next time she looked up he was grinning at her. She moved first, putting her book down. Things just went from there, she was relaxed. He thought she was going to get up, instead he found himself almost with a face full of cushion, which she had seized from the couch and lobbed at him. He had managed to deflect it at the last minute. Now she was standing reaching for another. It was time for him to react, he stepped up to her and grabbed her arms and pushed her back on the couch, before either of them realised he had her pinned down and was tickling her mercilessly. She tried to resist, but he was too good, he had learnt a long time ago which were her most ticklish bits. She was squealing and laughing as she grabbed the front of his shirt and tried to push him away. He was having too much fun, it was making her laugh and that was a good thing. She needed a sense of normality. He eased off a little knowing she was struggling to breathe through laughing so much, but he didn't shift his weight. Their faces were merely inches apart and she was breathing heavily.

"It's good to hear you laugh again"

Nikki gasped at him. "... Feels good ... too ... I .. I need .. air!"

There was no conscious thought on his part, it just happened. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes sparkling, he just leaned forward and seized her lips. A small gasp escaped hers as they met, he felt her tremble and her hands slide around his neck.

He would never be able to tell how long they remained with him exploring her mouth, the door buzzer interrupted them. He got to his feet and took her hands pulling her up with him. Their eyes locked together, questioning each other, trying to make sense of what had just happened. He watched her breathing heavily.

"I said I needed air!" She gasped.

"What? Mouth to mouth doesn't do it?"

It was flippant and he answered her with a cocky grin. He loved the shocked look which shot across her face. She opened her mouth to respond, but barely got any words out as he kissed her again, briefly but with a restrained force. He never wanted to let her go, but the door buzzed again. He stepped back and let her go walking to the door without looking at her again, while wondering what the hell was happening.

--

She closed the fridge as he put the phone down. She was still in shock from his actions a short while ago. He tried to apologise. Where she was concerned there were days when his impetuosity got the better of him and she always ended up the one to suffer. He promised two years ago that it wouldn't happen again and now he'd buried himself in the mire up to his neck. She bit her bottom lip nervously. He planted both hands on the counter in front of him so that he wouldn't move, or there would be nothing to stop him from taking possession of her lips again. He stared at the counter, knowing she was watching him. The look on her face after had told him he had taken her by surprise, where did that leave them now? Were they still friends? Had he really pushed her to the next level? Could they really make things work this time? It was like she knew what he was thinking ...

"... sometimes actions are better than words." She had croaked before leaving the room, leaving him puzzled. Did she really mean it?

--

Despite the growing tension between them it was a pretty normal evening, they all talked and joked. He was aware that Danny sat nearby while watching Nikki and Lindsay engrossed in conversation while the game played. He might have appeared to be engrossed in the TV but the only thing he saw was the look on her face seconds before he had kissed her the second time. He felt empty, he missed having her with him, able to wrap his arms around her and feel her against him. The girls were bored. The game was boring, someone suggested a game of poker. He just wanted for the others to go so he could talk to her. He wasn't sure how, but he found himself opposite her at the table. He could barely take his eyes off her, amazed that she was acting so cool with everything. She looked at him again. Danny noticed and had to say something. He came up with some stupid inane comment linked to the game. She had to pick up on it and threw it back at him. Now this was war, he was rising to her challenge and pushed all his money into the middle. Danny and Lindsay wimped out leaving just her, there was no way she would come back at him. ... Damn! She pushed her matching bid into the middle. He was convinced she was bluffing, her sweet smile met his eyes as she turned over her winning hand.

That had put him out of the game. HE'd get her, next time they would play monopoly, she'd soon find out who the master was. He got up and walked around the table. He had gone past caring what Danny and Lindsay thought, he rested his hands on the back of her chair, his fingers sending her nerves tingling down her back, he knew he felt the tremor. She twisted and looked up. He felt like, he didn't know what he felt like, just that something was going right for once. He agreed the request she made and went into the kitchen. He was focused on the coffee machine when he recognised the sound of a gunshot nearby. He jumped. By the time he reached the lounge there were footsteps in the hall and Danny and Lindsay were on their way out the door, Nikki was on the phone calling for backup while retrieving her gun from the drawer.

Good, stay there, stay safe he thought as he followed the others. Danny had already reached the stairs so he followed leaving Lindsay with the victim in the apartment next to his.

--

Having interviewed a few witnesses and talked to Mac he returned to the apartment. Danny, Lindsay and Nikki were bouncing off each other about who got to retieve a bullet from the dumpster below the window. They expected to be relieved by another team, they weren't going to like what he had to tell them.

With Nikki's phone ringing he stepped out into the hallway to brief the uniforms who had now made it to the floor. He had barely said the first sentence when he heard a muffled shout from Danny when a crack sounded, immediately followed by splintering glass.

He turned and raced towards the door. The only thought in his mind to protect her.

* * *

_The events of the seige coming next._


	6. Siege to Reconciliation

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**6.**** Siege to Reconciliation**

With the gunshot ringing in his ears and the uniformed officers behind him he seemed to take forever to reach the doorway which was no more than ten feet from where he had been standing. He was about to go in when another shot echoed and the bullet embedded itself into the doorframe only inches from his head. He dropped to his knees against the wall uttering a number of choice profanities and calling out for her.

It was Danny who replied. He sounded shaken. Don forced himself to calm down and focus. He needed to stay calm or he would be yanked out. He took some deep breaths and started assessing what they needed. The uniform at his elbow was already on the radio calling in the latest developments and ordering a bus. He could hear quiet conversation in the room, but not enough to know what was being said.

Another shot rang out followed by a phone ringing. He recognised it as hers. He heard Danny answer it but nothing more. He manoeuvred himself to the edge of the doorway and peered in staying low, it gave him a view over the three in the room. Danny and Nikki were sitting on the floor under the window. Lindsay was flat on the floor on her stomach, trying to edge towards the door as Danny tossed a phone to her. His eyes drifted back to the woman on the opposite side of the room, she looked pale and disoriented. He could see the pain etched on her face. He tried to reassure her and gained some himself when she appeared to look at him and reply. Lindsay was almost at the doorway, now she would be easy to spot by the sniper. She held out the phone to Don, he grabbed it and immediately returned his hand and pulled her the rest of the way from the room. They both sat leaning on the wall for a moment. The ringing phone breaking the tense silence. This time he answered it.

He could feel his blood boil as the lecherous voice taunted him about her, he practically lost it when he talked about Amy. He cancelled the call as he climbed to his feet and threw a punch at the wall as Mac and Hawkes arrived. The older man pulled him aside and told him what he had spent the last 10 minutes telling himself. He knew he had to keep cool. The damn phone rang again. He tried to stay cool, but Danny calling out that she had passed out sent his equilibrium spiralling almost out of control. He cancelled the call and almost physically pulled Mac aside. Everyone else was focused on the door way and Lindsay.

Don laid out the plan which had just hit him like a freight train. He was a little surprised when the CSI boss nodded his agreement and pulled out his own phone and medics arrived at the scene.

The voice at the end of the line consented to her getting out for medical treatment. He sighed with relief, heading to the door to get her. He stopped and practically screamed down the phone when another shot embedded itself in the wall to the left of his ear.

Waiting in the hallway for her to come out was like the longest night of his life. But it was nothing compared to what was coming. Mac had taken Hawkes aside to brief him on the plan. Only a handful of people would know what was going on. As the medic brought out the stretcher Mac took up guard on the door to reassure Danny and Don and Hawkes took up positions either side of her. He watched her remove the oxygen mask as she stared up at him. He smiled at her. Her voice croaked at him trying to reassure him. He watched as she masked the pain as Hawkes examined her. He didn't want to let her go, not knowing when he would see her again, it could be days, but it was for her own safety. Hawkes pressed him to let them go. His slow head shake indicating it was serious and it was time. She begged him to take care of Amy before she closed her eyes and Hawkes replaced the oxygen mask. He watched as they wheeled her away, torn between following them, so he could stay with her and wanting to stay to keep up the pretence for the others, one which was going to take every ounce of composure he had to bring it off and convince the SOB who'd attacked them that she was really gone.

He glanced down the hallway to Lindsay still sitting outside the door in shock as Mac gave him an update on the SWAT situation and he nodded absently, barely hearing what was said. There was nothing for them to do now but wait. The silence added to the tension as they prepared for what was to come next, both the known and unknown. Mac's phone ringing made them all jump in the quiet hallway. He knew what was coming, Mac nodded at him and although he knew it wasn't real he still felt like his chest was being crushed, that he couldn't breath. He slid down the wall and dropped his head in his hands as they rested on his knees; he was thankful Mac talked to the others and left him alone, he didn't want to hear their platitudes, he knew the truth and had to cling on to that, that she would be coming home and things would soon be over. He never wanted to feel this for real, the thought that he could really lose her was overwhelming. He slowly tuned in to her phone ringing and raised his head, answering as he pushed himself wearily to his feet.

Venting at the SOB at the other end of the phone gave him some comfort and took great satisfaction in hanging up before he had a chance to respond. He saw Lindsay move towards him and get stopped by Mac. He was grateful at that moment. He didn't want to hear what they had to say. He wasn't prepared to come face to face with Stella a few moments later and almost broke down and told them what was happening when she enveloped him in a hug. He hated lying to them, but for now it was best.

He blocked out the activity and conversation that went on around him for the next ten minutes or so. Silence had descended again and Mac's phone made them all jump when it pierced the quiet hallway. THEY GOT THE SOB! He saw Danny emerge from the room and get hugged by Stella before walking towards him. He barely felt Danny's hand on his shoulder as he looked at Mac giving orders. Mac was playing it cool and followed procedure. He barely recognised his own voice as he nodded at Mac acceding to the instruction.

--

He didn't know how long they had been sitting in silence in the break room. He didn't dare speak or he would have confessed what had really happened. They had agreed they would keep up the ruse until they were sure that their sniper was the stalker. He'd had enough, he had to go see her for himself, prove that she really was OK. He walked out giving his friends some lame excuse. He didn't get far as he ran into Mac at the end of the corridor.

Mac had practically read his mind. Damn that man he was so perceptive. He asked him to wait just a little longer; until after the interrogation, just to be sure. As much as he needed to see her, he didn't want her to suffer if they had got it wrong. He agreed and headed downstairs for some air, trying to clear some of the cobwebs clouding his mind.

--

He didn't know how long he had been gone, but when he walked back to the interrogation rooms for an update he saw the team, except Danny and Mac, gathered in the hallway. He was relieved she was there. His step lightened as he watched her being greeted by Stella. He walked over to them as Lindsay walked away to answer a call. He didn't think and just wrapped his arms around her tight and breathed in her shampoo as he rested his head against hers. He felt her flinch and heard her groan as his fingers grazed her side. He pulled back and apologised. She was still looking pale, but better than when he had last seen her. Hawkes turned to him and insisted she still went to the Emergency Room to get checked properly, just to be sure. Don agreed. He wasn't taking any chances.

Their attention was taken by the two uniformed officers leading their prisoner towards them. The guy stopped when he saw Nikki and for the first time looked her in the eye and yelled at her. Don saw her step away and shiver, with his arm still around her he felt her whole body tense and he saw red. What happened in the next few seconds he didn't know until he heard her voice and felt her hand on his arm. He realised he had the guy by the throat against the wall and she was trying to talk him down. He looked at her apologetically then nodded at the officers and let them take him away. He wrapped his arm around her and walked them away in the opposite direction.

--

They never returned to his apartment, he thought it advisable to avoid it for a few days with the crime scene next door. Mac finally let them go to her place and Stella had been in and checked everything out making sure the main areas were tidy. She was practically asleep as he carried her through the door and up the stairs. A combination of pain killers, stress from everything that happened and the relief it was all over. He left her alone to change and crawl into bed while he checked around.

Now, he lay in bed staring at the ceiling his arms around her as she slept against him, her head on his shoulder. His mind refused to shut down as the light crept through the curtains as dawn rose over the city. It had been a shit day and an even worse night, but she was safe and they had got the SOB who had been terrorising her. Despite all the crap though there had been a couple of good points. Their moments on his sofa before Danny and Lindsay arrived almost seemed like a lifetime ago, when in reality it was still less than 12 hours. Finally, too they had really talked, not for long, just enough to start over. They agreed to try and make things work, he had no idea how with them living on opposite sides of the country, but there would be time to talk about that now. She wasn't about to walk out of his life and that gave him some satisfaction. He ran his fingers over her left hand as it lay across his chest and realised she had removed the ring he had slid on there earlier. He thought about what it would feel like for real when he could put his own ring on her finger. Maybe now he could start planning for that moment. Now she had stopped running and agreed to him being part of their lives. Hers and Amy's. He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers and rested their hands back on his chest as sleep finally claimed him too.

--

He was relieved the following day when his boss gave him a few days off to escort her to Florida to be reunited with her family. They were both nervous. He suddenly realised that what he had been dreaming of for two years was about to come true. He was about to see Amy. Nikki was ok for the most part he was the one who couldn't sit still on the flight. He immediately recognised the red hair of the head of the Miami Crime lab as they emerged from the ramp.

He hadn't been able to contain Nikki from asking dozens of questions as they moved through the airport to his waiting vehicle. He was amused to see her looking better and relaxed and excited. Just to be sure there was no chance of them getting separated he had kept a firm hold on her hand. Loading their bags in the vehicle Horatio had declared, "I have a young lady who is very excited to see you both."

--

He wasn't quite prepared for the moment when he would see his daughter. But it was a moment he would never forget. Horatio pulled his vehicle into a drive of a house along the beach and they all climbed out. Almost immediately two figures appeared at the door. He waved to them hesitantly. The woman waved back at him then said something to the dark haired girl at her side. The next moment he was watching her hair flow out behind her as she ran towards them. He expected her to go straight to Nikki first, but she skidded to a stop in front of him and looked up to his face squinting, as she shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun.

"Daddy?"

He crouched down to her level, his throat constricted with all the emotions running through him. He never realised he was crying until she spoke again.

"Don't cry, Daddies aren't supposed to cry." He opened his arms and drew her towards him and hugged her tight as her small arms wrapped around his neck. "Mr Horatio has taken good care of us, ask grandma. He says we can go home now are you coming too?"

He barely managed to answer one of Amy's questions before she was asking the next for the rest of the evening. Neither wanting to let the other go too far incase the dream was broken.

* * *

_Flack's meeting with Amy was never covered in Coming Home, but there will be a little more of the two of them in this version._


	7. Catching up to Surprise

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**7. Catching up to ****Surprise**

Don stood in the doorway to her office, watching as she wrapped up the paperwork from her case. It was good to have her back, the last few days without her he'd felt like part of him was missing. He dreaded the thought of when she wouldn't be here anymore, just the voice at the end of the phone. It was getting late and he'd had a crap day, all he wanted was to take her home and spend time with her. He walked in and she looked up. She'd got some colour while she was in Miami and looked well rested. He knew she had flown in earlier that day and gone straight to work. His case had kept him chasing all over the city and away from her.

He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head as he rubbed circles around the back of her neck with his thumbs. He could feel the tension in her as he whispered in her ear. Just that small contact helped him relax, the concern in her eyes as she tipped her head up to look at him told him that she knew all about the case and how he was affected. It had been hard knowing he had watched the guy play basketball only hours before he ended up dead in the middle of the same court. He realised she was talking to him as Danny walked in. He saw the light shine in her eyes. _A table for 3? _Three? He saw her nod as he looked at her curiously. That was the best news he had heard in days. He matched her smile and planted a kiss on her lips, ignoring Danny until he poked fun at their pretence. The conversation never went far as he pulled her into the corridor her phone ringing in her hand.

A moment later he was kissing her again before walking away to go meet the other girl in his life. His mood lighter and a smile etched onto his face. No one else could have that effect on him. He knew too that Danny would have questions next time they were alone, but for now it was good to keep him guessing.

----

It felt strange walking Amy through the building. She was asking lots of questions and he tried to give her the sanitised version of what all the rooms were that they passed. He was relieved when they reached the elevator and the doors closed. Amy was quiet for a moment, before asking questions about where they were going. Don answered them all, amazed at her thirst for knowledge. He was a little nervous about what she would say to people when they got out, after all him and Nikki had never discussed what they were going to tell their colleagues, most of them still didn't know Amy existed, it was a conversation they would have to have soon if Amy didn't say anything first.

The doors opened and he felt Amy's hand tighten around his much larger one. He smiled at her as they stepped out into the lab foyer, where she broke away from him and hurled herself at her mother. Don watched them, he saw the flash of discomfort which crossed Nikki's face and he stepped forward taking Amy from her arms. He made a mental note to check up on her injury later, make sure that she was still healing ok.

Alone with Amy again he knew Stella suspected something when she waltzed into the break room and found the two of them hunched over a comic book. He felt her eyes scanning the child and then turn an amused look to him. Yeah, it was a bit surprising, him a big burly cop doing kid stuff, they didn't know that side of him. He didn't really know that side of him either, it was hard when you barely knew kids that age. A disjointed conversation ensued until Nikki arrived, and Stella went quiet. He was aware of her still watching them taking in the family scene playing out before her. He knew he'd get questions from her too now the next time they worked together. He watched Nikki lean over to pick Amy up and scooped her into his own arms, he didn't want her to hurt herself again. Besides he wanted as much time with his daughter as he could get.

----

That conversation with Stella began a few days later when they were first on a scene at a hotel, with a dead concierge. He knew she was digging for information, but he wasn't ready to give it up yet, he still needed to talk to Nikki about what she wanted. After all, officially Amy wasn't his. Her birth certificate remained devoid of a father's name. He had been prepared to claim her, to do the right thing, but she wouldn't hear of it. She didn't want him to have the obligation to pay child support. Claiming her decision to keep the baby, a baby effectively created from a one night stand when they had both given in to overwhelming grief and sought comfort from each other.

Stella pushed his buttons, asking if Jason had known she was pregnant. He was relieved when he saw Mac and Danny push through the crowds and under the yellow tape. He really wasn't ready for the whole sorry mess to come out yet, he didn't know if he could even do that to her, admit he took advantage when she was at her lowest point and the dust still hadn't settled. Now he didn't know how things would work, she was going home, leaving him in New York and taking Amy back to California to their other life. An unknown future. His reverie was violently interrupted as shots rang out from an adjacent building. Pulling his gun he lead the rush to discover what had happened, his mind firmly focused on the job at hand.

----

He had watched as she finished packing and closed the case, the house closed up and cold, practically no sign that she was ever here. The moment had finally arrived. Their last few minutes alone before she left New York. Amy and her mother had already gone, taken a flight the day before leaving them a night to themselves before she followed.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest as he breathed in her shampoo and perfume. He tried to memorise everything about her. The way her body fit against his, the way her skin felt against his, the way her eyes shone when he teased her. They had to be realistic. Ever since she had come back they had known it was only for a short time, that the day would come when she had to go. She had already been there longer than was originally planned. He didn't want her to go, but he wasn't sure she was ready to stay yet either. Things between them were still new and raw, there was still stuff to work out, but they were working on it. He turned her around and ran his hand into her hair, holding her as he brushed his lips against hers. Christmas might only be two months away, but right now it seemed like forever. He wondered how they would ever survive.

----

It was amazing how fast life could change. One minute he was laughing with his daughter on the phone, listening to her chatter about her day and buoyed by the news that they were coming back to the city for Christmas. He was dreading the thought of his next phone bill, it seemed that's all they ever did when he was home, spend hours talking. Something would have to give, she had suggested more than once he should buy a computer and they could save money by getting some internet account and web cam. Maybe he would, his pay check wouldn't support many more long distance calls.

Little more than an hour later, he was staring at the dead body of a paintballer, in some warehouse that stored the floats for the Macy's day parade. That was where everything went downhill. At first it was a routine case, until Mac cornered him on the street and interrogated him about the drug raid he'd been on six months earlier. Interrogated him! Sometimes he hated the high moral attitude of the Crime Lab boss. It felt like Mac didn't trust him, that he was the criminal. He hated that Mac had the nerve to attack the guys on his squad, the guys that put their life on the line everyday to rid the city of the scumbag criminals.

It didn't stop there either. Mac returned later threatening subpoena's if he didn't hand over his memo book. They were on the same side for god-sake! He was about to hand it over but changed his mind and tossed it back in the drawer, unleashing a tirade of reasons why the information wasn't relevant. Underneath it all, he knew it was a catch 22; he either handed it over voluntarily and took the heat for whatever it contained or he made them serve the warrant and it look like he was hiding something. Thing was he now knew that one or more of his guys had lied, that they had somehow siphoned off an extra three kilos of that damned black cocaine from the raid before he recorded the find. If only he had been the one to find the drugs, then the streets would be three kilos lighter and he wouldn't be snitching on one of his team. Damn them, damn Mac for insisting on chasing the evidence. He was cornered and he knew it. Whatever he did next would be wrong in someone's eyes. But he did the only thing he could do, he pulled the drawer open and tossed the book on the desk. The nearest he could do to handing it over. He knew what Mac had said was true, all of it, but it didn't hurt any less that one of his guys, one of the guys he relied on every day had sold them all out on that raid. There would be talk, be questions and as he was in charge he would take the heat for selling them out too now.

-----

It had been almost a week since Mac had come back and arrested Dean Truby. The rest of them had been cleared, but the gossip still lingered. The room went silent when he entered, the looks of betrayal he got telling him he should have had their backs. At this moment he hated his job more than anything. The other thing eating at him was that since the whole damn case started he'd been unable to talk to the one woman on the other side of the country that he could tell what had gone down and know she would understand his side. He missed her and on top of everything else, he was a mess. He'd lost count of the number of practise rounds he had shot at the range, trying to work it out of his system.

Something had to give and it took Gerrard hauling his ass into his office and telling him to take two weeks vacation. Maybe the boss was right, he was still mad at what happened. He was mad that Mac put him in that position, mad that Truby committed two crimes practically under his nose, mad that he'd lead that raid, mad that she wasn't there ... It didn't matter what, he was just mad at everything right then. Gerrard had made it quite clear that he'd taken the whole case personally and he needed time to cool off. He was to stay away from the lab and the squad until things blew over. He even hinted that he should go away some place, take a break from the city.

That was how he found himself calling Danny from the airport the next day, saying he was going to San Francisco for a couple of weeks.

---

The trip helped a lot, he got to spend a lot of time with Amy, do the usual father stuff. He got to spend some time with Nikki too, in between the mad schedule she was working. Being short-staffed and him turning up unexpectedly she had no option but to work double shifts most of the time he was there. But it was good to be there and spend time with them as a family, helping to cement their relationship further.

He was somewhat relieved that things had cooled a little by the time he returned to work, there was still underlying friction between him and Mac, but he'd worked out most of the anger he held towards the former marine. The cases came thick and fast as Christmas approached and talk around the precinct was all about one thing - the NYPD Christmas Ball. He was planning to take her, but she had her holiday squeezed and she wasn't going to be there now, not only that but her crazy shifts, court time and the time difference meant it had been another week without talking to her. He knew he was starting to get morose again, but right now he didn't care much. He just knew that something was going to have to give soon before he did something he'd regret later, he just hoped he could last until the holidays.

----

The morning of the Ball found him with Lindsay and Danny working a case. They quizzed him about her again. How she was, when she was coming for the holidays all that stuff. He didn't want to talk about her. He shrugged at Danny's questions and hoped they'd change the subject. They did. For the next subject on his shit list. The Ball. Department directive stated all off duty detectives had to be present, and he had no way out, already maxed out on overtime, he had been given a direct order to be there. He'd rather be at home with a case of beer in front of the game, now he had to go and make nice with everyone when right now there was no nice feeling about him.

The rest of the day dragged on. Danny and Lindsay resolved the case in record time which meant there was no excuse, he had to get dressed up and go to the Ball! Although he met Danny for a few beers first his mind was across the other side of the country, wondering what she was doing, if she was feeling the same frustrations, wondering when things would start to get better.

------

Most of the team were gathered in the hotel foyer, he stood with them his mind still anywhere but in the moment. Things with Mac were still strained and he was only with the team because Danny and Stella wouldn't let him go anywhere else, not that it would have made a difference, half the people in the room still weren't talking to him, those that were did it only out of respect for his father. He was seriously considering incurring his captain's wrath and bailing on the whole thing. He decided to wait until Lindsay arrived just to see the look on Danny's face and what he would do when she arrived. After all there was no reason for both of them to be miserable.

Suddenly he was aware of Danny's amazed gasp at his side and looked at him, before following the line of his gaze. He wasn't prepared for what he saw. He felt his stomach somersault uncontrollably while his chest seized and he felt he couldn't breathe. He thought Lindsay looked good but it was the woman with her that had him gawking like he was a high schooler. He never heard what Stella said, but the dig of her elbow in his ribs gave him the message. Aware that Danny was with him they made their way towards the girls.

He thought he was dreaming, she was still in California. Wasn't she? This wasn't real. He stopped in front of her waiting for the image to vanish. When it didn't he reached out for her and ran his hands down her arms, he struggled to say anything. She was here in his arms. He tightened his arms around her and held her spinning her around, his whole focus on her. The final proof he needed that she was real he got as his lips met hers. Those first five minutes no one else existed except her. He barely heard her talking to him as he fought the emotions racing through him. He captured her lips in a seering kiss, attracting more than a few startled looks. He noted her flushed cheeks and nervous smile as he let her go and she looked around. Then she stiffened and seemed to step back. He tried to pull her closer but this time she distinctly stepped away putting space between them. He was confused, especially when he felt her hand in his.

He confronted her and could have kicked himself when she confided her fears in him. It was obvious really, the last time she had been anywhere like this with these people it had had been because of Jason. He was relieved when she was almost wrestled over by her sister in law who gave her blessing. He watched the women together amazed that they still got on so well, that they still had each other even after all this time. He glanced at Jenna's disappearing back as Nikki's hand slipped back into his.

He knew they couldn't stand there all night, but equally he never wanted to move. He wanted her all to himself. He sought to reassure her as she rambled about flights. Tears filled her eyes and threatened to fall, he cupped her face and told her she deserved better than what the NYPD gave her. The tears trickled and he brushed them away, thinking of anything to make her smile. A moment later they were teenagers again, their teasing banter making the other smile. He finally confessed that he was glad she had come, that he needed her, right before he kissed her again, slow and tender. The last moment of peace they had that night.

* * *

_Another chapter - sorry still kind of dark and depressing, but fits with what was going on in his life at the time!_


	8. Beginning & End to A Bad Day

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**8****. Beginning & End to A Bad Day**

Laying in bed with his arms around her he let his mind wander over the evening. It was still hard to believe she was back .... permanently. He tried to remember everything that happened. Only a couple of things stood out. How fantastic she looked in that dress her hair half pinned up. The shine in her eyes when she announced she was staying, that they were all moving back. It was a new beginning. Just to have her at his side all evening, except for the obligatory "girl" trips to the bathroom, was like nothing he could describe. There was nothing now that could tear them apart.

He awoke to something nudging him. He mumbled something unintelligible at them and tried to sleep again, but something nagged at him to open his eyes. When he did and looked at the clock he groaned. The airport! Dragging himself from the bed and throwing on some clothes he heard the shower turn on. He dragged himself to the kitchen and made coffee while Danny took delight in ribbing him about the night before. He had never been so grateful for a pager call in his life. Thankfully it was Danny's, called to a scene across town forcing him to give up his quest for knowledge and leave.

He held out a coffee for her as she joined him and was a little surprised when she declined, but he did notice the look she had, a little pale and uncomfortable. He put the cup down and felt her forehead, checking she was ok. She put it down to excitement, he wasn't so sure, but insisted on driving her to the airport to be on the safe side. She seemed fine by the time they arrived. So he shook it off.

----

It was her first day back at the lab and he offered to drop by with lunch, she ordered juice and pineapple on her pizza. He hated the stuff, but for her he would make a sacrifice. On his way back from the pizza place he passed the florists and on a whim stopped by, he wanted something to cheer her up, help allay her nerves on her first day.

Lunch would have been fine if it hadn't been for Danny picking up on the flowers which he had managed to smuggle into the lab. What had made it worse was Nikki enjoying the whole thing. At least she was looking a little better than she had when he picked her up that morning. Something was off, but she brushed it off and told him not to worry. He hoped that she would confide in him. Tell him what was wrong and there was something wrong, he just hoped it was related to moving back to the city and getting the family settled.

-----

A week went by and he had spent every moment he could with her, mostly after shift at her place, where he had unofficially moved in while they got settled and he spent some time with Amy. He was relieved that as time went on she appeared a little less off colour when he saw her and chalked it up to the move as she had said.

He was looking forward to going home and sleeping for a few hours but decided to stop by the lab first to see her. He found Danny first and was surprised to hear that she had almost passed out at their scene earlier. That gnawing feeling was back even more than before. Now it was serious if others had noticed. If she was sick he didn't want to leave without checking on her first, so he seemed to chase her around the lab, every place he went she had been there first. Eventually he was walking passed the break room and saw her with her phone pressed to her ear. She looked pale. He walked in and greeted her as she hung up.

He pressed her for answers, she was evasive and looked worse by the minute. His stomach flipped when she said she had seen a doctor and there was nothing they could do. Now he wasn't taking no for an answer, he wanted to know what was going on. He offered to take her for a second opinion, but she said it would do no good. He pulled her into his arms promising that they would face it together, that there must be treatment. He never realised the fear that was raging through him making him tremble. He watched as she stared up at him, her mouth moving, but his brain taking time to catch up.

Don stared at her for a moment trying to get his brain around the news.

"Pre ... you .. We're gonna have a baby?" he finally stammered grinning.

All the fear vanished as overwhelming excitement took hold, but it was dashed almost immediately when he realised she wasn't as happy as he thought she should be. He tried quashing his excitement to reason with her, but she wasn't ready to hear it. She proved that by declaring that he wasn't responsible for Amy or the new baby and then walking out.

He rubbed his hand over his face wondering how to deal with things; one thing was certain, this time, he was going to be there, he'd let her keep Amy away, it wasn't going to happen again. Whatever happened though she had to know she wasn't alone, that he was looking out for her so he did the only thing he could and followed her.

Thankfully they were alone in the elevator and he confronted her, demanding to know what she felt. He knew she wasn't thinking straight, everything had happened so quickly, she obviously had a sense of déjà-vu because she pushed back and told him she didn't want to be a single mother to two children. He took a breath and cupped her face laying out that they were both responsible, that she wasn't alone. She shut down, she didn't talk to him didn't answer his questions. He tried teasing her into having dinner, but she didn't respond. He stuffed his hand in his pocket and it rested on the box he had slipped in there earlier. Why he chose to carry it around he wasn't sure. Maybe he was waiting for the right moment, maybe this was it, she needed to know he was committed to her to their family.

He pulled his hand and the box from his pocket while he made an impassioned plea, some might have called it begging, but whatever he needed to make a case. He was about to ask the question, when she pushed his hand away and with fear in her eyes turned him down and walked away. This wasn't good. He couldn't let her just walk away. He knew it had been a big step for her to come home, he knew she was still scared, this news was bound to unsettle her. He couldn't stand by and let her go, she needed to know that. He called after her. It took him using her proper name for her to stop, she didn't look at him, but she did stop. He didn't give her the opportunity to leave and walked over to her. He took her arm and turned her to face him. He kept things as light as he could, a slight teasing edge in his voice. He was encouraged to press her when the look in her eyes softened. Then she spoke and for a moment they talked, hesitantly, but he wondered if finally she might come around, that he could convince her they could make things work and that there was a future for them.

----

Finally she agreed to dinner, she hardly ate anything which worried him, but at least she seemed less fearful and they agreed not to discuss Amy or the pregnancy and focus on themselves and getting to know each other again. By the time he saw her home, she was exhausted and didn't argue when he insisted on staying.

He didn't sleep well and was in the kitchen when Amy woke up the next morning. He smiled as she bounded into the room and threw herself at him. He talked to her about Christmas and what they were going to do. All the time though in the back of his mind was what the new baby would be like, how it would feel to see them grow up, how Amy would feel about having a brother or sister. He hoped that in time Nikki would realise he wanted this and that she would be happy about it. Sure they hadn't planned it, just like with Amy, but he knew that however she might feel now, he knew Nikki would keep the baby, even if she kept him at arms length. He hoped that things would resolve themselves and she would agree to let him in permanently.

In talking to Amy, Nikki's mum had joined them. Don was surprised when she asked how Nikki was feeling, dropping hints that she knew what was happening. Don denied anything, but rounded Amy up so they could take her mum breakfast in bed.

Amy was excited when he promised to take her shopping, so he finally scooted her from the bedroom, leaving them alone. He was pleased to see her looking better. He told her about the conversation with her mum, and that they might have to tell her earlier than their original plan. He complimented her on how well she looked and was relieved to see a small smile grace her face as she admitted feeling better. He stood to go after Amy, but was surprised when she grabbed his hand. He saw the emotions flicker in her eyes as she tried to apologise, talking about obligations.

What would it take to convince her?! He felt the anger rise up, snapping at her, half expecting her to back track on where he thought they had reached. He watched her, tears welling in her eyes, concern on her face. He sighed and dropped back down onto the bed cupping her face in his hands. Softly convincing her that he wanted her, Amy and the new baby. Finally with tears flowing she conceded that he did what he did because he wanted to. Not because of obligation.

-----

He arrived at the precinct wearing a big smile, feeling quite relaxed despite spending the morning with a four year old and being dragged to every toy store in town. He wanted to check on Nikki, but had too much to do, so he had to be satisfied with sending her a text. He hoped she was doing alright and couldn't wait to see her. He grinned when he got one back and shook his head when she told him that Stella/Danny were guessing something is up.

An ongoing case took him to the lab later on and he ran into Mac. After a brief exchange seeing the subject of their discussion join them made his heart jump. He was happier that she looked better, a lot less stressed. Without thinking he wrapped an arm round her and gave her a quick kiss in front of her boss, who grinned with amusement and gave them a coffee break.

He was delighted that she was in a good mood, and not surprised that Danny and Stella were going to get on his back. Maybe things were looking up.

----

It soon became apparent that Danny had set himself a mission - to find out their secret. Nikki was still suffering from morning sickness that hit her at any time of day, but the hormones were kicking in and she got emotional when she got frustrated. He on the other hand couldn't stop smiling. Not exactly the right thing to do at a scene. Still they refused to tell anyone what was going on. He didn't care that the lab techs had noticed his increased presence in the lab, as he checked up on her. Stella had tried to corner him several times and failed at every attempt, he was now waiting for her next attack.

Danny however he had managed to avoid since Nikki had confessed, but it was not going to last forever and then they met at a scene. Danny dug his heels in and pushed hard, but he resolved not to tell him, in the end the guy pushed so damned hard, he caved and spilled the news. After all he had to stop the guy from thinking he had proposed. Danny was obviously surprised and had the obligatory joke at his expense, he on the other hand grinned like some idiot and hoped Nikki wouldn't kill him.

----

Lunch would probably kill him before Nikki got the chance. She had ordered some strange concoction, which the minute she looked at threw back at him. He lost his sandwich while she ate half of it, before tossing that back at him too. Was this going to be his life for the next seven months or so? Hormones couldn't really be this bad? Could they? He had already lost sleep because of getting midnight snacks. The thing was he could never deny her anything. One smile from her or pleading look from her eyes and he melted and would agree to anything.

He was pleased that the bouts of sickness seemed to have eased off, but now it was the hormones kicking along with the exhaustion as her body adapted to the changes that were happening. Changes which for the most part had him awestruck and grinning like an idiot, but at the same time scared him like nothing before. He was just learning to cope with a four year old, how would he handle a baby?

He was relieved to find the object of his quest pulling her coat on as he stepped from the elevator. He greeted her with a big smile and a gentle kiss before taking her hand and leading her to the break room where the team were waiting for them. All of them summoned by Stella. He realised why when he coaxed Nikki through the door and they saw the balloons and gifts scattered on the table. True to her word Stella kept the impromptu celebrations brief so he could take Nikki home to rest.

---

One thing he was grateful for over the following week was that Mac had managed to keep her off the streets on the pretext of reviewing and re-analysing all the results from their crime scene, but nothing's perfect and it was eventually relegated to the cold case pile on his desk and she was back in the field. Don wasn't happy about it, but what could he do it was her job.

He was on edge all day, waiting for the doctor's appointment which would confirm everything and reassure them that all was well. She had woken up that morning sicker than ever, but it didn't stop her from going to work. He was grateful when Mac assigned her and Lindsay a relatively easy case, although he was starting to get a little worried when she didn't get back to the station before the appointment. She had called and now he was on his way to meet her at the hospital.

-----

He was sitting in the waiting area, his head in his hands. He didn't know what to think, he wasn't even sure if he could think. All he could see when he closed his eyes was how she looked when he met her. Her face a mixture of ashen grey and green, she couldn't stop throwing up and she was in so much pain, then there was the blood. He was pretty hardened to it at crime scenes, but this was different, this was their future. The doctor didn't waste any time as he half carried her into the clinic and they whisked her into an exam room. All his reassurances had been for nothing when the bomb finally dropped. He had been ushered out while they cleaned her up and made her comfortable. He'd had to help them hold her down while they pumped her full of sedatives and painkillers. He hated doing it but it was "for the best" they had told him.

He barely noticed Danny sit down next to him. After several questions he began to realise he wasn't alone. He pried his hands from his face uttering the first thing that came into his head. Danny still hadn't a clue. All he could see was his friend looking dishevelled and broken. Slowly he teased out the information. Nikki was alright, but they had lost the baby he had been so excited about.

A nurse appeared and he followed her like a condemned man, afraid of what would be waiting for him behind the next door. He never noticed anything except her looking dazed and pale as she rested against the numerous pillows. He perched precariously on the edge of her bed. She needed him to be the strong one, to take care of her, to tell her everything was alright, but that wasn't true anymore. He mumbled stuff he never even remembered later, until she sat up and wrapped in each others arms she cried. He felt her pain, it was all he could do to let her have this time, to whisper things in her ear that neither of them would remember as his own tears threatened to engulf him.

* * *

_I hope this has turned out OK as there is a bit towards the end that isn't what I originally wrote due to a computer crash which swallowed my original words, despite the fact I had saved in moments before!!! _

_THank you to all of you who are reading and my faithful reviewers... review replies for the last chapter will come later. Have to go to work now!_


	9. Cabin Fever to Christmas Eve at Flacks

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**9. Cabin Fever to ****Christmas Eve at the Flacks**

Don sat with Amy in his arms as Nikki and her mum talked quietly across the room. As far as she was concerned Mummy had got really sick again and needed the doctors to give her some special medicine to help her get well. She seemed placated with that explanation, although worried that she was in the hospital. Don hugged her and reassured her that everything would be alright. As she began dozing in his arms he looked over to Nikki. He knew she had been watching them, but she was looking tired now, and he was grateful when her mum noticed and decided to leave.

He carefully carried his drowsy daughter to a cab, pausing to give her a big hug before sliding her onto the seat next to her grandmother, closing the door and paying off the driver. He watched the cab depart, feeling empty and alone. After standing on the kerb for a few minutes, he contemplated scrounging a smoke from the guy by the entrance, but decided against it as it began to snow, he also knew that Nikki would smell it on him at a hundred paces and give him hell for it; so he slowly made his way back to her room.

He spent a sleepless night in a chair at her bedside while he calculated every "what if" scenario he could think of. Any of them were preferable to where he found himself right then. He vowed that he would take care of her. She would want for nothing, as she recovered with him at her beck and call. He didn't want to see her stress herself with trying to recover too quickly. A couple of weeks the doctors had advised, before even thinking about working, and at least a month for any strenuous activity. The bitterest pill to swallow was that they should wait around 6 months before trying again. They hadn't even been trying. What made them think it would be their first thought?

A nurse doing her early morning rounds smiled at him sympathetically as she brought another cup of coffee and assured him his girl was doing well. How the hell was she "doing well" when she was emotionally drained, doped up on sedatives and painkillers? He hoped the drugs would have that amnesiac quality the doctors had promised, so she wouldn't remember the details or the pain. It was something he would remember for the rest of his life, watching the fear in her eyes as she realised what was happening. Watching her scream when they confirmed their fears. Having to hold her while they fought to insert the IV to pump her full of the drugs. He vowed to take care of her.

-----

Taking care of her was his plan and it worked for a few days. He took some personal time, much to his captain's wrath, but it was justified. He had encouraged Amy and her grandmother to go ahead with their plans to visit family in Virginia. It gave him the chance to make sure she was well rested and fit again before having to endure Christmas with his family.

He brought her home from the hospital and was never more than a few feet from her in the days that followed. He insisted she rested on the couch, while he brought her meals and drinks, magazines and treats. She wanted the TV on he would flick the channels for her, until she was satisfied with what was on, finally he had conceded that she could perform that task for herself. Every time she moved he was at her side, checking on her. She stood up he was there to help her to where she wanted to go, if he thought it was necessary. Most of the time he would fetch and carry for her.

He thought he was doing a good job. He just wished she'd take some of the pills the doctor prescribed, but she had binned them the moment she got home and was surviving on the occasional paracetamol. He was relieved then when the residual pain began to subside and she gained more colour and began to look better.

They had shut themselves away, not wanting to face anyone, he knew she had talked to Stella a few times, but was still surprised when her and Danny showed up one night after dinner. Stella took no prisoners and quickly forced him and Danny from the apartment. He hadn't wanted to go, but they had both insisted she would be fine, that they needed some "girl time".

----

He sat with Danny in a booth near the door of the bar a couple of blocks from the house. It was quite busy and noisy. He didn't feel the festive spirit and his mind was constantly on her. Wanting to make sure she was OK and not doing something stupid. Danny tried to make conversation, but pretty soon gave up and they sat mostly in silence. He couldn't believe his friend when he claimed the girls had turned up. He snapped his head round and couldn't believe the stupid prank she had pulled behind his back. He hurried over to the door and with a hand on her elbow guided her to one side. She looked exhausted. Stella eased past him and joined Danny, but his focus was on the woman in front of him.

He was furious, but somehow maintained a cool exterior, but his words were sharp and clipped. She argued about needing to get out. Not like this, not yet it was too soon. She needed to rest. Why wouldn't she listen to him, to the doctors? He knew the tears weren't far away, he knew she was trying to stay rational, her suggestion to get out of the bar seemed a good one. He wanted to take her home, put her back on the couch and have her stay there until she was really better.

Against his better judgement he let them walk to the park at the end of her street. He didn't understand why she insisted on doing this when she could barely breath when they got there, the exertion just too much. They hadn't really talked in the last few days, neither wanting to cause the other pain, but now it was beyond that. He wanted to protect her and she didn't want to know. The Abyss was threatening to engulf them and now neither of them could stop a full scale descent. He was mad that she couldn't see he wanted what was best for her and to protect her. She just wanted to ignore everything and go back to how things were before.

He barely heard the words as she talked about the next time. What F-ing next time!? They couldn't do this again. What if it happened again? What if next time she was hurt or worse, he'd rather have her as a friend than risk everything and lose her permanently. They couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't fight her anymore. He couldn't take the chance that she would get hurt if they continued this relationship. He had to step back and let her go. Something inside had snapped and it was all clear. He had to let her go. She begged and pleaded the tears threatening, but she never gave into them, just looking confused and lost. He couldn't look at her anymore, he couldn't hurt her anymore, if he hadn't have convinced her things could work they wouldn't be here now, they wouldn't have had a baby to lose, it had to end now.

He turned and walked away, knowing she would follow him, he would see her home then go and find some late night hovel and drink until the pain stopped. He had to stop the pain, for both of them.

-----

He sat at on a stool at the end of the bar, oblivious to his surroundings. He was quiet, a half empty bottle of whiskey and a full glass in front of him. His mind wandered over their past, his brain trying to process the events in their lives, why things had got so bad, why they couldn't make up this time, why he needed this time to let her go and leave her to get on with her life. Why? The questions constantly ran through his head. Why had it happened, why they couldn't talk when once it was the best thing about them. Why she was so adamant to try again. Why, why, why?

He was vaguely aware of someone taking the stool next to him. He half glanced at Danny as he picked up the glass before him. Why was he here? Why did he have to ask questions? Why? That F-ing question again. He put the glass down. He didn't care how he sounded, he felt like being petulant and childish, he didn't want this responsibility. Responsibility for hurting her, for getting her pregnant again, for not protecting her, for not seeing the signs earlier and taking her to a doctor before it was too late.

Sure they had said it was no one's fault, that it couldn't have been predicted, but still he should have known.

Why couldn't everyone leave him alone, he'd screwed up enough lives for one night. Actually he'd screwed up her life again. Why did he never learn? F-ing why again! Since Jason had gone missing on 9/11 everything had changed between him and Nikki and they'd had this rollercoaster ride, which didn't look like it was about to end it didn't matter how hard he tried to make it. Maybe that was his punishment for what happened before she went to California. For the mistake he'd made. She'd suffered ever since, not that she blamed him. She just dealt with it and moved on. But then maybe she hadn't. His mind wandered over their encounters when she first came back.

He never remembered how he made it to Danny's couch, but the glass of water and painkillers his friend held out the next morning were welcome. His head was pounding and he felt groggy, like he had been drinking the night before, but Danny assured him drink was not involved, that it was his emotions toying with him. He accepted that he had to go to work, but had a real painful gut feeling that everything had gone wrong, but he didn't know how or what to do about it.

----

The fog seemed to lift slightly as he sat at his desk and completed the paperwork which awaited him. The phone looming large before him every time he looked up from the file he was working on. A dozen times he reached for it and picked it up only to drop it back down. She didn't need to hear from him. What he couldn't do was work out why he still felt like he was being crushed if he had done the right thing, but at the same time he wanted to talk to her to apologise for upsetting and scaring her. Why were things always so complicated with her now?

----

Two days passed and the crushing feeling in his chest remained. Christmas had lost all its magic and he hadn't spoken to her since the night in the park. He couldn't.

He had avoided the lab all day, especially after some rookie bragged about there being a Christmas baby in the lab. He was thankful she wasn't around to witness it. He didn't know if she could have handled it. Some F-ing Christmas Miracle. His cell phone rang. Checking the caller ID he sighed and pressed the button to cancel the call. He didn't know why she was still calling, he'd lost count of the number of times she had called. He just couldn't hurt her anymore, she needed to understand that. Stella and Danny both said he should talk to her, but what good would that do?

As if things weren't bad enough the damned rookie, Harris, happily told everyone who would listen about the kids in the lab and how cute they were. That the baby was part of a case and being looked after by a CSI with a stunning looking kid with big baby blue eyes and dark hair. Maybe if he had known who they were he wouldn't have opened his mouth. But Don knew instantly who he meant.

Why the hell couldn't she stay at home? Why did she have to put herself out like this. Taking care of a baby so soon after losing theirs what was going on in her mind? He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair as he left the squad room. The brisk walk to the lab did nothing to calm him down and he was all set to give her a piece of his mind when he saw her. Only it wasn't going to be that easy. She was in the hallway with Stella and Amy. His daughter saw him first and announced that small, so far unknown, fact to the entire lab at the top of her lungs as she launched herself at him. He didn't realise until that instant how much he had missed her that week. Carrying her back along the corridor, he was grateful when Stella made a discreet exit leaving him staring at her with disbelief as she cradled the baby. The crushing feeling just got worse as he realised he wouldn't see her doing that with their baby.

He didn't understand her, how could she stand there so calmly and look after the scrawny brat? Didn't she know what it was doing to him to watch her? She had no idea, she could barely look at him after they had dismissed Amy.

He walked away before he did something he might regret later. She didn't even notice, she was so wrapped up in that ... that "thing".

----

He finally made it to his parents for their annual Christmas Eve family gathering. He hadn't bothered to call since he had walked away from Nikki and Amy, he didn't figure it was important. The party was in full swing when he walked in and all he wanted to do was disappear, but that was not about to happen as his mother hugged him tight and drew him into the lounge, he immediately saw Nikki across the room with his sister-in-law, Cassie, as Amy threw herself at his legs. He focused on his daughter for a moment before sending her to play with her cousins. He knew the women were watching him. She looked tired, he couldn't stand seeing what he did to her anymore and turned away. Seeking the temporary peace of the kitchen, he helped himself to a beer. He swallowed the contents of the bottle as his brother followed him and pressed him for not talking to her. For the chasm that had opened between them. It was none of their business, they shouldn't have brought her she didn't need to have family stuff thrown at her now. Hell even he didn't want it, but his Ma had insisted he still came. He grabbed another beer and headed outside. It was freezing, but anything was better than having to listen to the sympathy speeches of his aunts and female cousins in the throng in the house.

Finally the cold got the better of him and he was forced back inside. He couldn't avoid seeing her sitting in the middle of the room surrounded by all the children while she read to them. She seemed calm and relaxed, she knew he was there, he tried to make it obvious that he wasn't watching her. One time he would have joined her, sat on the floor with his arms around her while they both told stories. It was like he was the outsider and she was family. He was glad the family had rallied round, the last thing he wanted was for her to be alone at Christmas, but he wasn't sure he could last for 2 days with her in the same room. Maybe he should call the precinct and offer to give some other guy the holiday instead. He didn't care what his Ma said. ... He never had the opportunity to ponder the thought further as the children en mass headed in his direction, story time was over and they had energy to burn. He would have brushed them off, but the one thing he couldn't do was look in his daughter's eyes and stand the thought of sending her away. None of this mess was her fault, she didn't deserve to suffer because he couldn't talk to her mother.

He noticed Cassie stuck by her, he was glad she had someone, the girls had known each other a long time. Room mates in college their first year, instantly hitting it off and doing almost everything together. It had been that first Christmas when Cassie got stranded in the city and joined the family for the holidays. Marc had immediately fallen for her. They had been together ever since. Cassie never finished college opting for marriage and a family instead. He saw them talking he watched Nikki leave with Cassie at her heels as he was dragged into a game by the kids.

He heard her voice as he pushed the door to the kitchen open to follow the children that had just rushed in. He stopped in the doorway, seeing her sitting at the table a mug in front of her as she watched them squeal and try to hide. He didn't want to intrude, or have the kids disturb her further so he tried to chase them away. But she half joined their game as she whispered conspiratorially to them and they all giggled.

Watching the exhaustion disappear from her face for a moment as seeing her smile, made the crushing in his chest vanish. Amy drew his attention away as she told him about the park trip. He was going to say no to going with them, but when his niece Ella joined in it became more difficult, the crushing feeling returned with avengence when Amy said he could spend some time with her mum. He asked if she was going. She offered to switch places and let him spend some time with the kids. She would help his Ma, who at that moment entered the room and saw them half staring at each other and shooed the children out leaving them alone.

He leant against the wall by the door allowing it to close, his arms crossed over his chest. He didn't know what to say to her. It was the first time they had been alone since the park. He knew she was upset, he just wanted the pain to go away. She asked about that damned case, how could she? He couldn't not answer and gave her a quick summary. She wasn't impressed by his final comment and he couldn't exactly blame her for the curt reply. They never had a chance to say anything more when the door opened and some guests came in to replenish their drinks. Ella followed announcing it was time to go.

He watched her move across the room to follow his niece and felt his chest constrict further as she stopped at his side. He could see the tension in her eyes as she concealed her real feelings and the tears. She was still hurting. She whispered a parting greeting about what the children wanted and walked away. Why did it all have to hurt so bad? He thought he was doing the right thing, letting her go to get on with her life, but he was still hurting her, and that hurt him deeper because he had no idea what to do about it.

He waited for the noise to die down in the hallway, then headed up to his room and stood at the window watching his brother drive them away. The sense of loss and emptiness became unbearable and the tears began, finally releasing the emotions he had stored for the last week. Sometime later he ventured through the dark house to get a glass of water and some painkillers for his throbbing head. As he sat at the kitchen table staring into space his Ma joined him, checking he was alright she said. They sat for a while and he told her what the kids had said about the park.

"You should go, I can manage here." She encouraged with a stern look.

He tried to protest. She pointed out that he had been so wrapped up in Nikki he hadn't given himself time to come to terms with their loss. He needed to spend time with her and Amy, to see that she was at least physically alright again, and to enjoy his first Christmas with his daughter.

Finally succumbing to sleep he still hadn't decided what he was going to do.

----

He stood on the porch of his parents house the next morning as he drank his coffee and noted the new fall of snow and the crisp air. The sky was clear. A good day for being in the park. He thought about the times as teenagers, he had gone with Nikki, Marc and his sister Sam on Christmas morning when his Ma had kicked them from the house while she prepared lunch. He could almost hear the sounds of their laughter as they hung out. The kids would have a great time up on the "snow hill" as it had been christened years ago. He wondered how Amy would react, she hadn't seen real snow before. He suddenly felt like he needed to be there to show her things, to share it with her. He didn't want to lose her again, because if he did this time it would be for good and that would hurt just as much if not more than .... he couldn't think about that. He just had enough time to change and get up there in time to meet them.

----

He wasn't sorry he'd made the decision, when he saw the looks on the kids faces as they dragged him away to build a snowman. By the time they were heading back to the car a couple of hours later, he was more relaxed, Marc and Nikki had walked ahead with the kids and he had ambled along someway behind with Cassie. When Marc said Nikki had taken a walk he became a little concerned. With Cassie's encouragement he let them go to dry the kids off and warm them up while he went to find her. He just wished he knew what to say when that moment came.

* * *

_OMG! I think this is one of my longest ever chapters, but I couldn't split the Christmas Eve stuff. More to come soon._


	10. Make it right to Another bad day

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**10****. How to make it right to Another bad day**

As he followed the upward path along the river he could see her at the lookout point, leaning on the railing staring at the river below. He wasn't sure about approaching her at first, but as he got closer he could tell her earlier demeanour had changed. With the children she had been laughing and joking, the Nikki he had known before. Now, she looked like a lost child. He leaned on the railing next to her, told her the others had gone, leaving him to take her back. She never spoke merely giving him a brief nod, her focus still on the river below. He mumbled a couple of questions to which he received similar responses.

The shrill of his phone broke the quiet air and he flipped it open and stepped away. Messer! Bloody lousy timing. He snapped at his friend and cancelled the call and turned off his phone. He went back to leaning on the railing and told her what had transpired. This time she spoke. He felt the crushing feeling all over again when he heard the strain and exhaustion in her voice. A mistake she said and threatened to leave then turned away. A mistake? No way! At least not hers. He thought fast, but his gut reaction made him reach out and seize her arm.

He never remembered what he said, but he did remember saying he didn't want her to leave. The look she gave him as she raised her face to his for the first time since he had met her there increased the tightness in his chest and stomach. She was a mess, she'd been crying, that was obvious. Red eyes and tear strewn face told him that. Now she was getting mad and started to rant. He tried to focus his mind on her words rather than the pain raging in his body at what he had done to her.

Couldn't stand to be in the same room as her? Couldn't talk to her? It wasn't true, not really, he would give everything to take them back to the Ball, to have her in his arms with nothing to worry about, but now it was different. He couldn't stand what he had done to her, how she was suffering because he pushed her into a relationship. It wasn't her, it was because of what he had done to her that he couldn't be around her, he hated seeing the pain he'd caused.

He snapped at her without thinking about his words, but realised he would have to be careful with her or he would push her further away. He tried to tell her his brother had done the right thing. That he was- .... Nothing was working, now she was just downright mad and she let him have it all. Her tone cold and calculating as she read him the riot act. But as quickly as it began her emotions took hold and the tears ran. He reached out and tried to dry her tears, but she shoved his arm away and stepped back. She turned to go again, but he wasn't giving in. He offered to talk, but she pulled back again and yelled at him before actually walking away.

He watched for a moment wondering how he could get through to her. He rubbed the snow from his hair and with his long strides he quickly caught up to her. Another tirade, the truth, he had talked her into their relationship and when he couldn't handle what happened he had walked away. She was right to wonder what his motives were. He knew she turned away to hide the tears.

If he didn't do something fast to persuade her he never meant to hurt her they would be finished. This time for good. He poured out his heart to her, everything which had gone through his mind since he'd left her in the park. He paused and turned her to face him. Words failed him, nothing could express how he felt about her more than actions, he pulled her into his arms and gave her a deep demanding kiss. He was afraid of how she would react, but shock had taken hold and he let her go just as quickly as he seized her telling her why he hadn't been able to talk to her. He held out a small sliver of hope that this time his words were reaching her when the tears flowed down her face again and this time she let him cup her face and gently wipe them away. He told her he wanted her to stay, that he wanted her and Amy, for them to be a family.

Her quiet but nervous response prompted him to beg forgiveness and for a new start. He watched as she closed her eyes to stem another stream of tears. They needed each other and he pulled her against his chest and tightened his arms around her, the floodgates opening as she sobbed into his chest, triggering the release of his own tears again. The beginning of the healing process, together.

----

Back at his parents house he watched her in his old room as he stood for a moment in the doorway. He saw the photo frame in her hand and smiled a little. That photo held a lot of memories for both of them. He joined her and wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her back against him and checking she was alright. They spent a moment talking over old times. Particularly how they became each other's Prom Date. It was a strange conversation but took them back to better times.

Things were going to take a while to settle down again. They had agreed to go slow, just hang out, get to know each other again. Neither were ready for anything else and knew it. At least it made lunch a slightly less stilted affair, they were talking to each other and were a little more comfortable with each other.

The kids ruled the afternoon as Don and Nikki were dragged on the floor to share the present time as was the family tradition. Amy had insisted on sitting on his lap, while his nephew had taken up residence on Nikki's. Ella wedging herself between them. He relished the afternoon, sharing it with his daughter for the first time, seeing her delight at the gifts showered on her by his family. Their first opportunity to really get to know her. He relaxed as he saw a few smiles grace Nikki's face as she opened her own presents. She never commented that one was missing. He resolved to give that to her later when they could get a few moments alone.

-----

Those few moments never really came, that was the one draw-back with family, there was always someone who wanted a piece of you. Marc took his family home and left Amy and Nikki to spend some time with the parents and Don. He drove them over later. He relished the moment when he helped put Amy to bed, watching her sleeping with her long dark hair splayed across the pillow as Nikki tucked her in. His task done he drew Nikki onto the porch as he prepared to leave.

Words failed him as he wrapped his arms around her and smelt her shampoo, before running his fingers down her cheek and tipping her head up to his, he lowered his lips to hers, gently caressing them in a kiss of promise and hope. He felt her shiver in the cold night air and slowly released her.

"I'll pick you and the kids up at 10 to go to the park."

He watched the tears form in her eyes as he stepped back. He paused for a moment, at first not sure if he should go. The lights of the porch shone on her hair. She seemed a lot more at ease than she had earlier. It was one of those defining moments. He stepped back to her and pushed his hand in her hair before seizing her lips in a passionate but gentle kiss.

_I love you_

He wasn't sure if the words echoed in his head or if he had actually whispered them to her as he broke the kiss. Either way she never moved. He didn't want to let her go, but they both needed some time to process the day's events and hopefully get a good night's sleep.

----

The kids loved the park and they had a great time finding the snowmen they had built the day before and another snowball fight. There was just one tiny problem, he'd not been supervising his three year old nephew very well and managed to hit Nikki with a stone filled snowball. Luckily she hadn't seemed too badly hurt, a small scratch on her cheek bone. If only it had stayed that way it would have saved a lot of grief later.

They spent the night at her house in the city after leaving Amy with his brother's family for a few extra days. While they missed her it saved a lot of issues around childcare with Nikki's mum out of town. It also gave them some time alone, just to be with each other, nothing overly romantic or passionate. Cassie had sent them back with a doggie bag of leftovers from lunch when they left, which they picked at during the evening as they sat together on the couch watching movies. Just chilling out. He was content just to have her in his arms for the time being. They needed each other, but weren't ready to really be together, so this was just perfect.

When they finally decided to call it a night he was surprised when she drew him into her bedroom, rather than pushed him towards the guest one. He questioned her with his eyes, wondering what her motivation was. He didn't think she would be ready to let him back in her bed just yet.

The few simple words she muttered told him she was scared of the dreams which had haunted her since losing the baby. She wanted him to protect her for once, and he was ready to oblige.

As they lay wrapped in each other's arms it was probably the best night's sleep they had had in about ten days.

----

He had been working for several hours catching up on the holiday cases, when he finally got a hit on the Carlson case from Christmas Eve. Taking the file he went in search of the lab boss.

He was a little narked when Mac asked if he had seen Nikki, but considering they did need to work together there was a part of him that agreed with Mac's questioning. With Mac departing Danny emerged from the break room and cornered him about the unanswered phone calls from the last two days. Sometimes it didn't pay to have friends who cared about you.

He played things cool about Nikki, but became concerned when Danny told him about the black eye. He hadn't noticed it being that bad earlier when they woke up.

---

Seeing her in her office, working as normal, made him a little more at ease. She was looking a lot better since Christmas Day. They still weren't exactly normal around each other but things were moving in the right direction again. He watched her working and itched to run his fingers across her exposed neck, but he resisted and just gave her a brief massage instead. Stella found them and started asking questions. He didn't know what to tell her, what Nikki wanted her to know, so he grabbed her hand and ushered her from the room to go see the next of kin for their case. Danny had been right the bruise on her face was pretty noticeable. But he didn't mention it, his mind more on what he should do about Amy. The exchange in the elevator was another step in the healing process and they were at least able to tease each other a little. Something which he hadn't expected so soon. He still missed their earlier easy camaraderie, but this time he wanted things right, not for them to rush into something they would regret.

----

Don was waiting in the apartment foyer and was a little concerned when Mac arrived with Nikki. He reigned in his protective streak, assuring himself the doctor's had known what they were doing. What concerned him was the emotional toll this case would have, it was bad enough for him, but somehow she had attached herself to the orphaned baby and this case was personal. He hoped she could cope.

No one had seen the apartment before he and Mac opened the door with keys supplied by the victim's sister. He then wished that he had looked inside first and then told her she shouldn't be working this case. He saw the colour drain from her face as she stood in the doorway looking around the room. He was grateful that her phone rang and she stepped into the hall to answer it. He looked at Mac carefully. Mac seemed to read his expression and nodded. They were looking out for her. She didn't need to know it, but they were.

He was glad of that fact when a few moments later she announced the autopsy findings and they realised what had happened in the apartment seconds before the colour drained from her completely and her legs buckled under her and she collapsed into Mac's arms.

Don watched as Mac took her to the hallway and they sat her down. He stood nearby barking orders to some rookie. Who took off to follow them with the fear of Don Flack up his tail.

The next few moments were a stand off between her and her boss as he stood on the sidelines hoping she would take Mac's advice. His wish was short-lived when she quickly regained her nerve and started countering Mac's orders. Mac still tried to talk to her. Finally Mac looked to him for support. He wanted to tell her Mac was right, she shouldn't be working the case, but if any other detective was running this case they would not even be consulted. Whoever he sided with would be wrong in the others eyes. So he didn't, he absolved himself and shrugged. She pleaded again to stay on the case and Mac conceded, giving herself a few minutes to get herself together and getting on with the job. The nervous rookie returned with the tea he'd ordered and Don took it and crouched down to her. He resisted touching her, even though he wanted to. If they were going to work together they had to be professional when they were on the job.

He waited until he was sure she was feeling at least a little better before he conceded to offering her his hand to help her stand up.

Watching her re-enter the apartment he knew it was going to be one of those cases, not because of the case itself, but because of it happening so soon after their own loss. He knew they needed to see this through, gain some closure and relief for the baby girl currently in a city orphanage.

-----

They had worked separately for the next few hours, when he next saw her after finishing his interviews of the building occupants, she looked totally washed out and exhausted. He was relieved when she said Mac had sent her home. She must have been really exhausted too if she'd conceded without a fight.

He offered her a ride, but she wanted to walk, he relented as it was only a couple of blocks and the air would do her good. He relinquished the set of keys to her house from his pocket to save her from returning to the lab. He would collect her stuff later.

----

He heard raised voices as he opened the door and was surprised to see Mac making his way to the door as he walked into the lounge, the air was thick with tension. Something was clearly amiss between her and her boss, but he wasn't sure it was his place to say anything. Mac made his excuses and left, offering her someone to talk to if she wanted to. He saw Mac out in silence and returned to the lounge. He asked if everything was ok, but she brushed him off, claiming exhaustion before she headed to bed.

It was clear something was going on between her and Mac and she wasn't happy, but he didn't know why. He knew she was tired, but this was more than tired. He just had this gut feeling that if she told him what had happened he wouldn't like it. He figured she'd had a roller coaster day. Her first day back to be faced with the gossip about Amy and the bruise on her face along with the scene this afternoon. He decided to let her rest as long as she needed then talk to her.


	11. Tension in the lab to Another bad day

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**11. ****Tension in the Lab to New Year**

He was filing paperwork at his desk when the 911 page came from Danny. He wanted to meet. He didn't want to be involved with his friend's issues right now, but he went anyway. He reached the garage first and was leaning on his car when Danny finally arrived.

His relief that Danny wanted to talk about Nikki was short-lived when he talked about her earlier actions in the lab. For Danny to be worried about her the situation was worse than he thought. He ran his hand through his hair and over his face. He didn't know how much more she could take before she cracked completely. They hadn't seen each other much since Mac went to the apartment a couple of days before. He'd been called out at stupid times and hadn't worked with her either. He was still hoping their plans for dinner would stand.

He needed to find her and talk to her and he knew just the place to look.

----

He pushed open the door to the roof. She was standing staring at the city. She jumped a little as he wrapped his arms around her asking if she was alright. He felt the tension in her ease a little as she settled against him. She was frustrated about the case and mad that the lab had jumped to conclusions about the bruise on her face. Adding two and two and making up the answer. He turned her around and let his eyes hold hers as he reassured her, well tried to, he realised pretty quickly that it wasn't working and changed tack, lunch at his favourite burger stand outside the building. He offered to go with her to Mac after lunch and set the record straight. When she confessed to already having tried everything became clear.

He asked her the question about Mac being at the house feeling the rage build inside him. That damned man had no right to mess with her. His high morals, _How dare he make accusations about something which was none of his business_!, he thought, his mind focussed on going down to Mac's office and telling him so. She grabbed his arm as he began to move. Her impassioned plea which followed hit right between the eyes.

He stood still, he could feel the vice like grip she still had on his arm, he saw the tears in her eyes. _God, she could be so right sometimes, _... he felt like she knew him better than he knew himself. She had always been a voice of reason, even now when she was being torn apart by gossip. Well there was one thing he could put right, but first he needed to talk it through with someone, someone who might understand his dilemma. His mind raced as several thoughts hit him at once. His eyes darted over her. He pulled her close and wrapped his arms round her again, breathing in the smell of her shampoo. He closed his eyes a moment. He would have stayed there forever if he didn't feel her shiver and realised she was only wearing a light jacket and was cold. He stepped back and took her hand. He grinned and lead her back inside, he was taking his girl to lunch.

---

Lunch was a casual affair as they talked about anything other than the case or the lab. He was pleased to see her looking calmer and smiling by the time he escorted her back to the lab. He was aware Mac was in his office as they stepped off the elevator so he made a point of playing up the moment, enjoying the sound of her giggles as he pulled faces at her. Just as he was about to depart he glanced at the man in the office watching them and decided to hell with professionalism as he seized her lips in a quick but deep kiss. Her response left him with a smile for the next few hours.

----

He was a little surprised to find her in his chair later in the afternoon, it was the first time she had ventured near the squad room since everything happened. He thought she had been avoiding it. Doesn't mean it wasn't a welcome sight. He grinned at her. OK so it was business that brought her, seeing her anytime made him feel better, well most of the time it did and this was one of those times. He took the paper she held out. She offered to move from his chair while he ran the search she needed. But he put a hand on her shoulder and leaned over her to type on his computer. He didn't care at that moment whether is was professional, he needed to feel her near him. Once the computer was set he dropped into the chair at the side of the desk.

She told him about her meeting with Mac after lunch. He shifted in the chair not sure if he was ready to hear more accusations. He looked up at her barely containing another surge of anger at the lab boss. She looked tired. She shouldn't be working, he should take her home, he knew she hadn't been sleeping. He was surprised to hear the lab boss had apologised for his actions. He asked if she was alright. She brushed him off as they got a result from the computer.

As he watched her leave a few minutes later he decided they needed to go out for dinner, somewhere nice maybe take a movie too, take the opportunity while Amy was still with his brother. Things at the house had been quiet without her around and the more time he spent with her the more he missed her when she wasn't around. He needed to make that decision about what to say. His reverie broken by the doors next to his desk creaking and he turned his attention to the tracking down the file they needed.

---

Nikki was about to go off shift when he found her in the lab. They decided there was nothing more to be done and the case was closed. They headed together to tell Mac. Don eyed the lab boss suspiciously every nerve in him threatening to break out and lay into the man for upsetting his girl. He stayed quiet as she gave Mac the final details to the case. He knew she was aware of how tightly he was strung at the moment. He reigned in the anger and gave the man just what he needed to know.

He felt some of her tension leave her when Mac gave her permission to take the baby to her aunt. He wrapped his arm around her as they left the office and offered to drive her.

----

He watched her with baby Holly as the orphaned child had been temporarily named. She would make a good mother. Hell she already was. He just really hadn't seen her that much with babies. She smiled and cooed to the baby as the welfare officer told her they needed them to sign the custody papers. He could have done it, but it was her case in the end and she needed to see this through. He took the baby from her and cradled her in is arms.

The baby lay awake in his arms. He was mesmerised. He barely remembered his time with Amy at this age, he offered the child his finger and she gripped it firmly. He smiled at her. The lab rats were right, she was cute. She had the most perfect eyes. He realised he never remembered how Amy's eyes looked. It was time to go. He bent down and gently secured the child into the car seat as Nikki collected the other bags. They would be sad to see her go, but she was finally going home to family and that was the best part.

----

Thankfully the call out he had when they returned to the city was a hoax and he could go and find her at the bowling alley. He wasn't sure it was something she should be doing, but she insisted that she was fine. His doubts returned as he arrived to see her step up for her turn. The concentrated frown, told him things weren't going as well as she wanted, she looked tired, not unusual at the moment. It was no surprise then when the ball ended up in the gutter. A glance at the scoreboard told him they were almost done, then he could whisk her away. Stella shouted encouragement and he dropped his coat with the others before stepping up to her, holding her hand a moment and whispering in her ear. His job done he stepped back to watch aware the others had noticed his actions. Until that moment no one knew he was there.

The resounding crash followed by the satisfied grin on her face seconds later brought calls of cheating from Danny. Pulling her onto his lap as he sat down he laughed at the look on Danny's face when she told him who her teacher had been. It was good to hear her laugh and know that she was OK again with her colleagues after the last few days. The feel of her arm around his neck as she sat on his lap helped the feeling that things were finally getting better.

----

He was glad she had the weekend off. She was looking better after the stress of the week and the decision to go and spend a day with Cassie and the kids had been a good one. She returned with a healthy glow from an afternoon at the park.

It was now New Year's eve and both of them were on call, so there were no big parties. He had managed to get them a table in a downtown restaurant where they talked all through dinner. Time for them to chill out and spend time together. He was relieved when no calls came in and they could round off their evening at the Central Park Fireworks where they had vague plans to meet Danny and Lindsay. Among the crowds though they didn't stand a chance. He was pleased in some ways as it meant a few special moments with his girl. A new year, a new beginning. He loved the feel of her wrapped in his arms and the wondrous gaze on her face as the sky lit up in coloured lights from the fireworks. As the new year was announced in a volley of colour he turned her around and kissed her. He remembered the first time he had tried to kiss her and how different that had been, now it was right, it was perfect, like her lips had been made to mould to his.

For several minutes they had remained wrapped in their own world, before he took her hand and began to lead them towards the street through the throngs of people. He still had plans, there was one place left to go on his agenda, he had kept it a surprise until then, but that was as far as it went as a scream echoed through the still night air.

Their cop instincts kicked in and he pulled her towards the sound. A body ended their perfect evening. As she began searching the body and the area he began to organise the gathering crowd, grateful when uniformed officers appeared to help and fence off the crime scene, allowing him to check in with her about the situation.

He almost tossed his dinner when she showed him the hole in the guys gut! Yeah, right the ME would need to take a look at this one. He was a little relieved when Danny and Lindsay turned up to assist. That allowed him to go question the witness who had fallen over the body in the dark.

After talking to more of the gathered crowd he started to walk the perimeter of the scene, that's when he nearly tossed his dinner for the second time. Despite being a hardened detective there were still some scenes which turned his stomach, big gaping wounds and body parts would do it every time and if he wasn't mistaken this scene had both. Turning and taking a few deep breaths he called the team over and instructed the officers nearby to extend the crime scene.

It was going to be a long night!

* * *

_So things are improving, next chapter likely to be fairly case centred._


	12. COD to Someone I'd like you to meet

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**1****2. Cause of Death to Someone I'd like you to meet.**

He was freezing by the time he got back to the precinct, a cup of coffee helped warm him up as he sat at his desk in the quiet room, illuminated only by a few desk lamps from the handful of officers who were working. He looked at the photo on his desk. She was dressed casually and the wind was blowing her hair, he had taken it a few months ago when they were in Miami. The smile on her face a glimpse into happier times. He thought over their evening. Their casual dinner, her look of wonder as she watched the fireworks. The feel of his arms around her. They'd had a rough patch, but things were better now and having Amy home would help cement them as a family and right now that felt pretty good. He pulled his wallet from his jacket and opened it, slipping out a photo taken at the same time as the one of Nikki. He noted the child's smiling face peering up at him.

Unfinished business.

It was time to make a decision.

Could he actually admit what he did to her mother? Was it easier to protect her from the gossip and disown his own child? He'd seen the look in Stella's eyes the two times she'd seen them together. He knew the questions she'd been trying to ask. Even Danny was suspicious. More questions and no answers. He sighed. Instead of pushing the photo of Amy back into his wallet he propped it into the frame with the one of Nikki. Then he picked up the file from the case and finally started work.

-----

He walked down the lab corridor checking the occupants of each lab until he caught sight of her with Lindsay. He paused for a moment and watched as she talked animatedly. He caught a glimpse of Lindsay's eyes widen in amazement. Something was up, maybe the message had been right and they'd identified the murder weapon. She was looking rather smug, so it was time to see what was going on. He pushed the door open and joined them in front of the board. To stop her bouncing around he rested his hands on her shoulders and gently massaged them as he looked at the board as she proudly announced that one of the images displayed was their murder weapon. This was some prank she was pulling, it had to be. A firework! COD was a firework! He kind of had to agree with her explanation, it seemed logical, forget all the chemical names and stuff, she knew he couldn't do those so well, so without a second thought she had put it in simple terms. He was so choked with amazement when Mac stuck his head in the lab he waved him all the way in to see what his girl had found out. He could tell Mac was impressed and she was suitably praised for it too. About time he said something good to her after last week.

----

Mac's impromptu New Year celebrations had spilled out of the break room and into the foyer by the elevators. After the obligatory schmoozing he had finally cornered her in the foyer and was leaning against the wall with his arms around her. He could feel her fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck. Things were good they were talking again. Nothing could beat that feeling that balance had been restored. His best friend was coming back. Nothing else existed outside the two of them as they stood there and talked. Grazing his fingers over what remained of the bruise on her cheek he apologised again, until she stopped him. He was sure for a long time after than he could still feel the tingle of her fingers on his lips.

How they became embroiled in the conversation which followed he never knew, but moving in had been mentioned. A moment later they were locked in a deep kiss, maybe that's what made his lips tingle. Releasing her slowly he hugged her tight. Letting her rest her head against his chest. He was fully aware of eyes on them from the break room. He didn't care what they saw. It was time they realised that things were changing and he was finally going after what he had dreamed of for so long.

Mac called order for a small toast before they began to go their separate ways. He was waiting with the guys outside the locker room talking about the upcoming baseball charity event they'd seen advertised and a hot debate had ensued over the better pitcher. Soon Adam, Danny and himself were scrunching paper and pitching at the wall. Mac joined them as he wound up and released a pitch, except that something distracted him at the last minute and he shot it straight through the opening locker room door. He heard her scream then saw her eyes meet his. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. Twice in a week? How unlucky could he be?

She stepped into the hallway, breaking the silence as she teased him. This got him moving and he strode over to her and taking her face in his hands he checked her over. He heard Danny start some smart wiseass comment, but he'd had enough of the gossip over her black eye - it ended here, right now and he let them have it with both barrels, before taking her away as Mac dismissed them all.

----

They had barely fallen asleep when she woke him up to answer his damned phone. Fighting to keep his eyes open he grabbed the hated object and attempted to listen to dispatch. They were both on somebody's shit list this morning. Not only had they only just gone to bed, but they had another DB in the park! He lay watching her for a moment before stirring her. As he eased himself out of bed towards the shower he heard her phone start ringing. He hated on call mornings after a busy night.

----

They arrived on scene together in his car with the heater cracked up to full power to keep them warm. He watched her get out and head for the victim while he caught up with the first on scene. Not only had they had a long night, but he knew it was going to be a long day when she announced their victim appeared to have similar wounds to the lawyer they had found at midnight.

Stella arrived with a beaming smile when she saw the two of them and started digging about how they had spent their two hours off the clock. Nikki seemed to hold her off ok. For which he was grateful, he wasn't sure he could handle Stella Bonasera's interrogation before breakfast.

He watched them processing the scene. He wished he could save her from this, allow her to go home and sleep, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. He knew she hadn't slept well with Amy away. ... He really needed to have that discussion he'd promised himself in the early hours of the morning. He needed to bring some closure to the whole question of Amy's parentage. He turned his attention to the officers patrolling the scene, but he still heard Stella's questions about Amy's location. He grinned to himself when he heard Nikki quickly cut the conversation short, but it did serve as another prompt to do something about having that discussion.

----

He pushed the door open to the squad room and seeing her sat at his desk again brought a smile to his face. He greeted her warmly, but the smile was short-lived when she told him she was there with bad news. He noticed the rookie, Harris loitering about. The kid had potential, but sometimes he could be a bit dense. He waved him away and turned to talk to her, when the rookie obviously realised who she was. Classic! He could have some fun at the kid's expense. He knew Nikki was aware of his reaction, she could see it in his eyes as he masked the laughter. The kid couldn't leave fast enough. OK so she ticked him off a little, it was worth it.

She was right, he didn't like the information she had brought him. An ADA was their latest victim? This screamed high profile, he'd have to brief the Chief, who wouldn't be amused at having his New Year holiday interrupted. She was about to go when something made her stop. It wasn't a surprise when she told him he had to make a decision about Amy. About what to say. He reached for her hand and squeezed it to comfort her. More damned consequences. Whatever he said would affect her one way or another. He wished he could decide what would be the best option. He knew she had left the final decision to him. She was giving him the chance to take the easy option, but was that fair to her or his daughter? Was it fair to her if he told the truth? He sat at his desk as she left trying to work out what the right thing was. If he told the truth, he admits to taking advantage of a grieving widow, he acts like Amy's not really his and he risked setting himself up for more issues if she ever found out the truth. He didn't want to do either.

----

He saw Danny waiting for him when he entered the dingy bar a few blocks from the lab. It wasn't one of their normal haunts, but Danny had set the location and if things worked out this was a conversation he didn't want to have in the midst of a cop hang out. He was relieved there was a beer already waiting for him. He shrugged out of his overcoat and slid into the booth opposite his friend. For a moment he wished he was anywhere else, but he needed to do this. He took a long drag of the beer bottle and asked Danny why they were there. He was hoping whatever his friend wanted to talk about wouldn't take long, it had been a killer day, on top of a killer night and two hours sleep, he just wanted to go home.

Then it came. Danny wasn't interested in the crap going on with the girl he was after he was more interested in him and Nikki. More precisely calling him out for letting her take all the crap flying around about Amy.

Without having made a firm decision, well not one he'd discussed with Nikki, he was being faced down by his friend and put on the spot. Don snapped at him, but quickly realised that while it was bad enough what he did to her, getting her pregnant as he did, it would be even worse down the line to disown his own daughter. What is it they say? Confession is good for the soul? It was finally time to confess.

He told him the whole sorry tale, how devastated Nikki had been in the aftermath of 9/11, how she couldn't function, how she moved in with him, how they searched the city for Jason; then how a visit by the brass had all but destroyed her in front of his eyes and he tried to comfort her. .... and the rest, finally he owned up that Amy was his daughter and what had happened two years before in California, and what finally brought her home.

He didn't need Danny to tell him he had to deal with the rumours. That had become clear in the last few days, but he did finally confess his fears to his friend. That Nikki would be looked at differently, that people would know he took advantage of her, even if it hadn't been his intention. Danny knew what he was thinking. He demanded answers to particular questions. He wanted to know if Nikki had ever said no to him, to his advances. If she had they wouldn't be having this conversation, if she had Amy wouldn't exist and he wouldn't know where Nikki would be now. She didn't say no, but he shouldn't have put her in that position, she was too emotional to know what was happening, he should have been the responsible one, but he'd let her down.

He heard Danny's words of consolation, words telling him he shouldn't feel guilty. There was nothing wrong with caring for someone. That people were already drawing their own conclusions, even if he didn't claim Amy as his there would still be speculation, they were too alike. Amy had his dark hair and piercing blue eyes. ... And Nikki? She was his girl.

That made him smile, that Danny thought it was all so simple and obvious. Then he mentioned the previous night, or rather morning in the lab, kissing her in front of the entire lab staff including the boss. That they must be in love to have had the balls to do that and he hoped he wasn't in love like that. Now that made him laugh. The thought of Messer in love? The guy was delusional, the country girl from Montana had already stolen his heart, even if they hadn't realised it yet. She was clearly dealing with stuff, but making him suffer because of it. He hoped things would get better for them soon. He could write the book on complicated friendships.

The text from Nikki was his cue to leave. He scooped up the photos he had taken out and shown Danny as they talked. Now he needed to confess again and tell his girlfriend she'd be the talk of the lab. Again.

He had made the decision. He could only hope that he would be forgiven.

---

He stood watching her move effortlessly around the kitchen, clearing up the remains of dinner. His mind replaying random events as he remained silent leaning against the wall. He almost never heard her question him. She'd noticed he was preoccupied. She'd left it to him to make the choice. He'd made that decision, he hoped she'd understand why he was going to do it this way. .... He confessed to her what he had told Danny and waited for the backlash, but it never came, a relieved smile graced her face as she wrapped her arms around him. He wrapped his arms around her and asked her if she was mad. He couldn't believe his luck when she stuck by what she had said to him before. The decision on what to say about Amy was his, he would be the one most affected by the confession in the eyes of his friends. She had no regrets, Amy had saved her, forced her to look after herself and move on. She didn't want him claiming Amy out of obligation. Obligation? He had fallen in love with her the first time he held her, as the nurse handed her to him bundled in a pink blanket.

It would all be so much better when they were living together, but that statement shocked her. Now he would have to reassure her all over again. Telling her that he wanted to help them get settled, really get to know his daughter. Exhaustion was written on her face. The tears were threatening to flow again, so he grazed his hand across her cheek, removing a couple of stray drops. He felt her tighten her grip around him as she rested her head on his shoulder as her last remnants of energy left her. He tightened his arm around her waist as he lead her upstairs to bed. His life was about to get a whole lot more complicated. Maybe he couldn't write that book after all, he didn't seem to good at working out the friend he had, let alone provide guidance to anyone else.

-----

He felt much more alert as he arrived in the lab the next day. He jogged up the last couple of stairs towards the team currently meeting in one of the labs. He couldn't avoid the smile that ran across his face as he saw the young girl in a dark blue dress, hair flying behind her as she ran towards the lab where he could see Nikki in a meeting. He called out, using her proper name for the first time. He didn't consciously think about calling her, it just popped out, but it got a result. Seeing her turn around and smile at him was worth the gossip it would generate if anyone else had heard and it was the name he wanted her to have, that he wanted both of them to have. He scooped her up and kissed his sister in law's cheek as he chided his daughter for running. She was excited, but he needed to curb her enthusiasm a little.

With Cassie taking her leave he took Amy and her bags to Nikki's office first before heading to seek her out. Before he made it to the lab he ran into Lindsay and Adam. Amy suddenly became shy as she found herself faced with new people. He loved how she buried her head into his shoulder as he picked her up, but did manage to coax her into saying hello, answering his friends strange looks with the news he had been struggling with for so long. He introduced her as his daughter. It was a little strange hearing himself say it for the first time to anyone other than family. He felt a little awkward about it, but they never commented before he set Amy on the floor, asked Lindsay to watch her and moved towards the lab where Nikki's meeting was ending.

He didn't doubt that they were connecting the dots, making assumptions. Now was as a good a time as any to tell them the truth. Conferring briefly with Nikki as she confirmed he was ready to open up to his friends and formally introduce them to his daughter. He nodded, her hand on his chest giving him some encouragement that she hadn't changed her mind since they talked the night before. As she went to see their daughter, he pushed open the door to the lab and faced Stella and Danny.

".... When you guys are done here there's someone I'd like you to meet."

This was the moment of truth.

* * *

_I've tweaked this a few times, and am not sure if it hits the right notes, but I think the more I tweak I could end up ruining it all together, so I hope it's ok. Please let me know what you think._


	13. Telling the Team to Winter Wasteland

__

**AN**_**:** I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**13. Telling the team to ****Winter Wasteland**

His eyes were on his daughter as she happily flicked through a comic book, with Nikki next to her. He was aware of the rest of the eyes in the room watching him. Waiting for him to tell them why they were there. He would, it was time. Stella bustled into the room and greeted Amy who happily greeted her. He smiled as Stella's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as Amy called her Aunty. It was his turn to blush when Amy announced he had told her too. At least it lightened the mood for a moment.

Lindsay brought them back to why they were all really there. He was standing behind Nikki and opened his mouth. His hands were shaking, he rubbed his face and tried again, resting his hands on her shoulders, needing that contact with her as he finally faced up to the truth. There was nothing for it, he began again and stopped his eyes guardedly looking at the people assembled with them. He was a little relieved when she picked up on his words and between them they admitted the truth, at first to a stunned room, except for Stella's shriek. He half expected her to start jumping up and down. He was grateful when Danny took Amy out of the room, aware that the little girl didn't need to hear the details of how badly he treated her mother.

Taking the stool his daughter had vacated and with Nikki's hand in his, together they shared the events which lead to Amy's conception and their subsequent strained relationship and now how they wanted to put the past behind them and see if they could be more than just friends.

------

He had taken his daughter to lunch with a calmer air. The team had appeared to be OK with the admissions they had made. No one had bad mouthed either of them, several had seemed to nod in understanding. Only time would tell what they really thought.

He stood on the steps of the precinct as his girls walked towards the subway, Amy happily chattering as she skipped alongside her mother on their way home. The first time they had been together alone since everything went wrong three weeks ago. He smiled as he watched them walking away, a sense of peace that he hadn't felt in a long time calmed him after the earlier confessions. He sighed. The sooner he got done with his shift, the sooner he could head home and have a family dinner. Things felt good.

----

That calm feeling was short-lived as he sat at his desk a few minutes later flicking through the messages that had been left for him. He was aware of the rookie standing over his desk, wanting to question him, but afraid to ask. He looked up at him, Harris was about to have his world rocked as he, Don Flack, volunteered personal information. Something he rarely did with the guys in his crew, the less they knew the less they could give away or sell if they got into a tight spot. Harris was clearly nervous, so he decided it was time to throw the kid a bone. He'd take him on, be his mentor and coach. He confessed to him about Amy and set the kid straight on a few things about his daughter's mother. Maybe not the best detective material, but the kid had enthusiasm in spades. A file had landed on his desk suggesting Tanglewood connections to the case, so he threw it in the kids' direction, see what he made of everything. At least it would keep him occupied and out of everyone's hair for a few hours.

----

He pulled the keys from his pocket as he went up the steps. As quietly as he could he opened the door and entered the quiet house. He expected them all to be in bed long before, so after stowing his coat and other stuff he was surprised to find the TV still on and a light in the lounge, but the sight which met him helped relieve a little of his tension after the afternoon and evening he'd had. His girls were curled up together asleep on the couch and he couldn't resist a smile. Leaning over, he brushed Nikki's hair from her face and kissed her forehead before easing his daughter into his arms and carrying her to bed. He smiled as she snuggled against him as she stirred, mumbling in her sleep. He carefully settled her in her bed and tucked her in whispering gently to her as she went back to sleep. He watched her for a moment, an overpowering feeling of contentment now that they were all together as a family, that he was now able to have what he had wanted for so long, to see her everyday, to watch her grow up, to be a part of her life. He closed the door quietly and headed for the stairs. Everything would be even better when he moved in. It was only a matter of time.

He found her awake curled onto the end of the couch, two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the table in front of her. He dropped down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head, whispering apologies for missing dinner. She knew the score, things happened on the job all the time which screwed up even the best made plans. She knew he'd had a bad day. He tightened his hold on her and gave her the highlights. A kid, same age as Amy had been an innocent bystander to the whole mess, he had been surprised at the depth of his feelings, how he would have felt if it had been his child in that situation. He needed that moment with Amy, to know that she was safe and protected before waking her mother. He could still feel the tension. Unsure of what to do or what to say next. He frowned when she moved, his brain unfocused as she straddled his lap, facing him, wrapping her arms around him, holding him. He buried his head in her shoulder, just wanting to feel something after the nightmare scene he'd been at for most of the afternoon and evening. He started to feel as she massaged his shoulders, he pulled back and looked up at her, apologising for bringing the job home. She just looked at him and told him she understood.

Watching her console him he suddenly realised he didn't know what he was doing, why he was there, if she hadn't been sitting on his lap he would have been standing up to leave, but he voiced the option. He wasn't really surprised when she shot him down, refused to let him run away. He saw the determination in her eyes and he melted. She had a confidence he hadn't seen in her for a long time. She looked amazing, the events of the last few weeks still hung between them, but in this moment everything was good, he ran his fingers through her hair, resting his hand against her cheek as he seized her lips in a deep intense kiss. His mind obscured by her tentative response he began to slide his hands over her, tracing her skin beneath her shirt. Her groan of desire was like a cold bucket of water being thrown over him. He pulled back, this couldn't happen, not yet, it was too soon, but her breath on his ear pleading for more soon warmed him and he seized her lips again, but the nagging in his brain wouldn't go and he stopped again. She didn't understand his argument, not surprising really when he rarely listened to doctors himself. But now wasn't right, they had agreed to wait for the doctors to give her the all clear before they took that step again. He brushed her cheek with his fingers her secretive grin confusing him. She reached for his tie removing it and starting on his shirt. He watched her passively as she focused on her self appointed task, something she rarely did. He wasn't nearly prepared for the words out of her mouth, she hit him hard and fast, his uncertainty brushed aside.

He wasn't prepared for her taking charge, issuing orders, not with him anyway, he imagined that the other guys she had dated had probably seen a different side to her. He wasn't sure even with the doctor's OK that this was the right thing to do, but her tone of voice the look in her eyes, were giving him butterflies, this was something new, something special and something totally unexpected. He liked this side to her but he wasn't sure if the timing was right, but he figured that it was worth a shot when she whispered in his ear again.

----

Next morning he headed into Danny's office feeling like he had been up all night, well he had practically. Sleep hadn't come easy, the images of the scene appearing as he closed his eyes, and when that wasn't plaguing his thoughts it was her, that even with the OK from the doctor it was still too soon, they had promised to take things slow, to rebuild things gradually. He wasn't sure what last night had done to that plan.

Danny noted the exhaustion the minute they met. He confessed to ending up somewhere other than his own place the night before and that sleep had eluded him. To Danny the serious implications of their current relationship meant nothing, to him it was a joke that Don was planning to move in with her, especially with her mother living there too. Don sighed, typical of Danny, but it was something to consider, they had been relatively alone for two weeks, but her mother was due back and that would change things. Maybe thinking about moving in should wait a while.

----

A few hours after the encounter with Danny he found himself standing outside the perimeter fence of La Guardia airport directing a team of officers into canvassing the area for witnesses to what happened the night before. The temperature hadn't risen much above freezing and the storm clouds were gathering overhead. This was going to be a tight window of opportunity. He saw her SUV pull up and walked over to her as she climbed out. She had been called on her way back to the city from JFK, meeting her mother. The happy face of the little girl calling him from the back seat made him smile, but this was not the place for her to be, one lucky officer got to play chauffeur as they arranged for them to go back to the city. He quickly gave her the overview of the scene and watched the flash of concern cross her face when she realised she was going up against the FAA, shutting down an airport was not something undertaken lightly. But first they needed to ensure that Amy and her Grandmother were safely taken home.

As they talked family business for a moment he noticed her glances around the area, taking in where there might be pockets of evidence on top of the apparent body at the end of the runway, inside the fence. He decided that he would be better at her side while she took on the big guns. The rookie, Harris, he had taken under his wing was more than capable of overseeing witness statements. As the senior officer he had to accompany her to the airport and liaise with their security. Although there were personal undertones to their conversation there was a very real official reason for him to watch her every move and she knew it too.

-----

He had seen her pull down her hat over her ears as she climbed from her SUV, he was aware of airport security setting up the crime perimeter. He rested his hand on his holstered gun as they approached the bundle of rags they believed to be a body. He had the weapon half out the holster as she jumped from turning the body over. He pushed it back to its place on his hip and buried his nose and mouth in the fabric of his coat as he raised his arm. Quickly recovering he grimaced, ... the guy was missing half his face. Next was a call to Mac and the chief confirming their worst fears. A dead body at an airport, to make things worse the body was at the end of the only usable runway and they were going to keep it shut until the area had been processed.

It didn't end there though as one of the security guards drew their attention to the debris near the fence. He spent the next five minutes on the phone trying to placate anyone who'd listen. It wasn't exactly a surprise when she came up with more bad news. The remains of another firework. This was most likely linked to their open cases. Even more bad news, the mayor was on their backs to reopen the airport.

For the next while they were busy doing their own thing, he occasionally watched as she carefully extracted the evidence from the scene. He was relieved when Mac arrived and gave her a break. The temperature was dropping and their time was running out. The storm was moving in and the snow which had been falling in small flakes around them was beginning to get heavier. Another earful of complaints from the brass sent him to Mac, to quiz the CSI boss about releasing the scene. He already knew the answer, but it was his duty to ask.

----

He was disappointed to have to go back to the terminal and leave her there in the cold, but it was her job and they wouldn't be much longer now that Hawkes had arrived too.

Harris was pacing nervously outside the security control room when he arrived. He greeted the slightly younger man and together they entered the room. After watching several clips of tape he saw what he had been summoned for. The team would need to see this, so he hit the call button on his phone. He heard the cold in her voice and all he wanted to do was whisk her away somewhere warm. But this was the job. They both faced the elements and worse on occasion. At least he could give her a little time in the warm terminal as her and Mac got to see the initial footage Harris had discovered. OK so they spent a lot more hours with it back at the lab, but it would be a few minutes to warm up before they headed back to the city.

-----

He didn't really get to see her after that until she arrived home after having dinner out with her mother. She had been worried about what her Ma would say to her, she expected some sort of parental lecture. He felt she was a little reserved when she came in, things were a little awkward. She evaded his questions, he waited patiently until her Ma left them alone, then he decided to confront her. Let her get it off her mind. He wandered into the kitchen and pulled her back into his arms. With how he thought she had felt about the evening out, he was a little surprised she was so relaxed, comforted by the way she let her body mould to his as he held her with her back against his chest. Her head dropped slightly forward leaving her neck open for the butterfly kisses he deposited there before asking the question. He couldn't help the Cheshire cat grin from crossing his face as she confirmed the good news. Things with her Ma were good.

* * *

_Thank you to everyone reading this and to my reviewers. As I said at the start this is an experiment for me, delving into the inner thoughts of a character and not being so dialogue focused. I appreciate any feedback._


	14. Carpe Diem to Tantrums

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**14. Carpe Diem to**** Tantrums**

Danny caught him the next day standing in the hallway watching her work alone in her office. Danny was in a pretty good mood, maybe it had something to do with the fresh snow, it always made him like a kid in a candy store. Don sighed. Their case was throwing more curve balls than a Yankees pitcher which was bad enough, but then there was the small matter of them moving in together.

Danny was telling him to get his act together and do something to make her a permanent fixture in his life, but he wasn't sure she was ready for that just yet. His friend touched a nerve when he referred to having his mother in law sleep in the next room. After a brief hesitation he told him that she had offered to move out.

All the time he spoke to Danny his eyes were on the figure hunched over the desk on the other side of the glass wall. He saw her shuffle papers before grabbing one final thing and dashing out of the office towards him. He couldn't avoid the cat got the cream grin when she kissed him briefly as she past on her way to see Mac. She had found something, that was obvious. He wished he could get her to be more spontaneous like that.

-----

They entered the Seamen's mission, a run down tenement in the lower west side of Manhattan, it was supposedly a retirement home for old sailors. It looked as if the building itself should be retired. More than retired even, it looked like it should be condemned. Some windows were boarded up others broken, the place looked like it was in need of a lot of TLC and several hundred gallons of paint.

He watched her look up at the building, which at one time been quite impressive. He would have like to tell her she didn't have to go in, that she could sit in the warm comfortable car while he did the honourable thing and found their suspect. He didn't even dare voice the option, he knew what she would say and it wouldn't be complimentary. He always wanted to protect her, but if he took all her independence then it would change her and she wouldn't be his girl anymore. But it didn't stop him worrying about her in places like this.

He saw her head turn slowly to look at him. She wrinkled her nose and tipped her head towards the door, silently echoing his own thoughts. They didn't want to be here.

He looked at the self styled Director, fancy title, making out she was more than she was. She looked down her nose at them as they flashed their IDs. She was not impressed NYPD had come calling. He silently noted Nikki's head twisting taking in the foyer of the building and he knew what she was looking for. Leverage. Anything they could use to gain the woman's co-operation. Yep, he noted the absent fire hydrants which should have been clearly visible. They generally topped anyone's code violation list. He picked up on the rusty sprinklers and broken doors too. Quite an assessment for the first 30 seconds in the door. He knew there would be more horrors loitering in the rest of the building waiting for the old unsuspecting sailors to encounter them.

Between him and Nikki they got what they needed, the kid they wanted was on the premises. They walked into the "garden" room. Not sure that the concrete outside the window could be classed as garden, but at least it was brighter than the rest of the place. Same couldn't be said for the smell though, almost turned his stomach, sure this wasn't where they kept the dead ones? Nikki didn't seem to notice, she was busy quizzing the woman about other exits as he realised their prey was running. He groaned and took off after him. He heard an old gravelly voice answer the question although he didn't hear the words.

The kid had the advantage, he knew the building and where all the damned corridors went to. So he soon found himself lost in a maze of hallways listening to the receding steps of their suspect. He heard her call for backup as he went towards the main entrance, which was still visible but faded in the layers of peeling paint on the walls.

-----

His stomach dropped when he saw her bent over leaning against the wall in the basement where he had left her ten minutes before. Her breathing was still coming in shallow gasps, her hand resting protectively over her diaphragm. He didn't stop to think about protocol or professionalism, he just wrapped his arms around her, checking she was alright. She heard the footsteps first and pulled away forcing herself upright. He noticed the sharp intake of breath which accompanied the move. He began to question her again, but the glaring look she shot him stopped him short and he held his hands up in surrender. If it had been anyone else in the situation he wouldn't have even questioned it. She had warned him more than once about trying to protect her on the job, he had to let it go, but it didn't mean he couldn't keep an eye on her and that's exactly what he planned as he suggested they headed out.

When she shook her head and ambled stiffly across the obstacle covered floor their torch beams the only thing to light their way, he knew she had discovered something. Mac followed behind. He was sure some exclamation escaped his lips as her torch light picked up the large crate and its contents. Fireworks! And by the look of them, the same fireworks they had seen as their murder weapon in recent cases. The crate was half empty which indicated that there were still some out in the city somewhere. Mac took control allowing him and Nikki to go to Mickey's apartment and then to interview him at the precinct.

-----

As they stood in the observation room, he noted the random twitches and shuffles from Mickey as he sat in the interrogation room under the watchful eye of a uniformed officer. The kid was nervous, he knew more than he had let on so far. It was his job to get the rest of the story from him. His and hers. He was aware of her standing beside him also watching, contemplating the next move. He wished he could leave her here, out of the way, safe should anything untoward happen on the other side of the glass. He heard her speak, wave the file at him. She was ready for the interrogation. He wanted to tell her he could handle it, but the words of so many conversations echoed in his head. She had just as much right as he did to conduct this interrogation. Other than self interest and an insane desire to protect her he had no grounds to keep her out. He bit back the protest he was about to make and followed her into the interrogation room.

He took up residence against the wall at the side of Nikki as she sat down in front of Mickey. The kid had jumped a mile when they opened the door, he was scared, but the way he scowled at them, the flippant attitude told him the kid was intending to tough it out, at least for a while. Nikki didn't let him off the ropes. She bombarded him with questions, picking up faults in his language, he had to admit she was good. This was the side of her he hadn't seen much of. He admired her stand against a blustering kid, poor thing didn't really stand a chance. He stepped in when the kid got cocky, but soon backed off when she laid into him again. He had to admit they made a pretty good team against the kid, after a few minutes he didn't know which way to turn, Nikki laid out the highlights of the case then he laid into him again, threatening a jail cell. At least that made him consider his options, but he remained adamant that he had nothing to do with the case. They left him to stew as they ended the interrogation. Then he asked for a lawyer. She was quick off the mark. Telling him he wasn't under arrest, that they were protecting him, he remained belligerent, so Don offered to call the duty defender claiming he was a relative of the dead ADA, he knew he was stretching things, but it would give the kid something to think about and it made her laugh.

----

He spent the rest of the day working through the pile of files on his desk, old reports which needed his review and signature, enquiries from other cases which needed follow up. Knowing she was spending the afternoon processing all the evidence from the seaman's mission, he was able to focus, get on with his job content that she was safe. He hated her working in the field, but at least her field calls were mostly safer than his job, but it didn't rule out determined crooks or freak accidents.

He tossed another file onto the "complete" pile and checked his watch. It was getting late and his shift had already finished so he switched off the desk lamp, shut down the computer and stood up reaching for the jacket on the back of his chair. She hadn't called so he knew she would still be working up in the lab. He'd head there first before going home.

---

The garage Messer had told him, the had permission and a place to run the reconstruction she had requested at New Year. He wasn't sure he liked the idea of her setting of a box of fireworks in a confined space, but he knew what she would say if he questioned her about it. But she would still hear of his concerns. Danny had been excluded, his male ego smarting at the snub as the girls took charge. He was a little disappointed that it also meant he wouldn't be allowed anywhere close.

He found her accepting a delivery of mannequins which were going to act as her targets. He tested the waters about attending the reconstruction by talking about Danny. From her response it was clear it was a girls only effort. He backed off gracefully, letting her know that apart from wanting to protect her, he liked it when she got all tough and macho on occasion. She accepted his answer but he knew she had sensed his disappointment about being excluded.

----

The next morning he woke up and heard her trying desperately to coax Amy into eating her breakfast, the clock showed it was a few minutes before seven. She had to be at the warehouse to start at 8, so she needed to be going. He pulled himself from the bed and made his way down to the kitchen. For several minutes he leaned against the door post and watched them. They were oblivious to his presence as Nikki tried to explain her need to go to work, grandma moving out, him moving in. It was clear from Amy's tone that she was excited, but a little wary. He couldn't blame her, things had been a rollercoaster in the last month, they had had the greatest highs but the worst lows. For her mum to move out it would change their entire family dynamic, while he went along with the idea he wasn't sure that right now was the right time, that maybe with things still being so fragile that they should take more time. Maybe he could live with her mother for a while, even if he did move in. When Amy asked about him moving in he stepped in, assured her he was but told her there were still things to resolve first.

He offered to take over breakfast which Amy met with great enthusiasm and it allowed Nikki to finish her coffee. He knew she watched him talking to Amy, he also noticed the thoughtful expression. He knew she was having the same thoughts he had a moment earlier. He called her on it but she sidestepped the question and a moment later had kissed them both goodbye and left them to a couple of hours of Daddy/daughter time, Amy's squeals of disgust echoing in her ears from the toe curling kiss he had given her. He tried telling his daughter that one day she would understand, although he hoped that it would be a long way into the future.

The next couple of hours passed quickly, they had made a mess as well as the pancakes he had cooked for breakfast, then he had dressed her quickly and taken her to the park before heading to work.

----

His first stop had been at the lab to follow up on overnight developments. OK so it also allowed him to check up on how the reconstruction was progressing. Seeing Danny and Adam intently watching the screens in the AV lab he pushed the door open and joined them, just at the right time it seemed as Adam and Danny poured over the images being uploaded of the reconstruction. From the talk things hadn't gone too well and they were having Adam double check their calculations. Adam switched from his headset to speakerphone so they could all listen in. He felt his breath catch in his throat as they watched Nikki set up the next test. He watched her turn away, but the next sequence happened so fast he didn't know what had gone down. His breath really stuck as the screens went blank leaving nothing but an image of snow. The phone line too went dead. He heard Danny ask the question as he forced himself to breath and get his own brain in gear, albeit in panic. He knew he was panicked, but he couldn't stop himself. He was screaming at Adam while he dialled her number, there was no connection, everything went straight to voicemail, causing him some major palpitations. Thankfully Danny seemed a little more with it and practically dragged him from the lab to go find out for themselves what had happened.

----

He was glad Danny was driving, he could barely think, let alone straight enough to drive. He just stared at the traffic as Danny weaved his way between the other vehicles on the road. His thoughts racing over every conceivable outcome, the only thing was that none of what he thought was good. ... He wasn't ready to risk losing her, they were making amends, there was too much at stake. He almost hit the roof when his phone rang. Adam had still not made contact. He was really pissed that right now they were powerless to do anything, but he bit his tongue, it wasn't Adam's fault what had happened, but he was sure as hell going to rip someone a new one when he found out what actually went down.

Danny turned into the warehouse perimeter and pulled up. The car had barely stopped before Don had raced out of the car to go find her among the throng of ESU and uniforms. A couple of the latter tried to hold them back, but a flash of their own badges gained them entry. He quickly spotted a central group who appeared to be with a senior officer and turned towards them, his heart pounding so hard he could hear it echo in his ears. The sound of her voice stopped him in his tracks. He almost gasped for breath in relief. She was mad as hell. That was a good sign for him. He wasn't so sure about the senior officer she was currently yelling at.

He pushed through the crowd as she limped away. She was obviously hurt, but he needed to handle things carefully or she would rip him a new one too for racing down there. He followed her as he heard Danny catch up with them and begin talking to Lindsay. He heard the door to the warehouse bang. Not a good sign. The officers nearby suggested he not go in if he valued certain parts of his anatomy, but they didn't know her like he did. He yelled at them too then opened the door and stepped inside.

He stood watching her. She had her back to him, leaning heavily on the table bearing their computer as she stared at the reconstruction spread out before her. He shoved his hands in his pocket and waited. He could tell from the stiffness in her shoulders that she was still mad, but he could live with that. At least she was alive.

When she spoke to him her voice vibrated with the desperate attempt at controlling her fury at what had happened. Not that he knew yet what it was exactly, although he had heard enough to know that ESU had done something before they were scheduled to use the place. Without turning round she had known it was him. He was curious how she could have known.

When she finally looked at him he could tell there was more than anger in her eyes as he walked towards her. Stopping in front of her he risked pushing her hair from her face and resting a hand on her shoulder, in that moment he needed to feel her for himself, to know that she wasn't a vision. He also knew that she would have protested if he had done any more. He questioned her limping outside. She claimed it was nothing, just a twisted ankle. He pressed her gently for details of what happened. It was clear to him at least that she was not only mad at ESU, she was frustrated with the loss of data and the now wasted morning they appeared to have. That wasn't all though. She was holding back. He couldn't quite place what else he could see in her eyes.

Lindsay and Danny joined them and they discussed their options. Nikki thought quickly and requested a few things from Danny's truck and as Danny left to bring anything which might have proved useful she stood up to reset their targets and weapons, however she almost stumbled as she put weight on her ankle along with letting out a string of expletives which he'd never remembered hearing from her before, so he had stopped her, easing her back to sit on the table while he questioned her more about her ankle. It was Lindsay who had answered him. After exchanging a look with her he faced Nikki again. The moment of surprise that she hadn't complained at him sitting her down, was gone when he saw the tears streaking her face and the obvious pain which was now clear in her eyes. He knew she needed to have the ankle looked at professionally and he knew she was in pain and wouldn't argue. Just to be sure he asked her. She agreed, but asked to wait for their final test. He threatened her with bodily removal if she tried to put weight on her foot, but she was obviously in too much pain.

It wasn't easy watching her wince with every slight movement or vibration of the table where she was now sitting with her foot propped up, but she was determined to complete what they needed to do. It was one of the things he loved about her, her tenacity and stubbornness. He only hoped that the inevitable trip to the ER didn't resolve in them keeping her in, she didn't do hospitals well and after the bombing neither did he.

* * *

_I am planning on working on this for a while to bring it to the same point as Coming Home._


	15. Repercussions to Roller Coaster

_AN__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_The muse has deserted me a little so I hope this reads alright._

**15.**** Repercussions to Living on a Roller Coaster**

Don sat in the ER waiting room. He had been there a couple of hours since Nikki had been brought in and was subjected to x-rays and the like. A nurse had taken pity on him and kept him supplied with coffee and an update of what was going on. She was currently spaced out on painkillers while her ankle was put in plaster to prevent any further damage. Apparently the doctors had diagnosed a bad sprain, and as she had a history of ankle injuries, they had decided not to take any chances and keep it immobilised for a few weeks. Needless to say that's when the argument against medical advice began, but the doctors and he remained firm. The cast was in her best interests.

He waited a few more minutes until a nurse called him through, she was ready to go home, but they advised keeping it elevated for a few days and even then staying off it as much as possible for a couple of weeks. At least she would be back at work in a couple of days, albeit confined to the lab. But it was the next 2 days which bothered him, life was going to be hell while she griped about doing as she was told.

-----

After dropping her at home with strict instructions not to even twitch her toes while she stayed on the couch with the foot elevated. He headed for the lab to get the latest news on the case armed with the report she had written on the reconstruction while waiting in ER. It surprised him a little to hear Mac had summoned the ESU lieutenant and ripped him a new one. The brass were not going to like that.

While tempted to stick around and catch up on what Lindsay had found so far from the reconstruction he'd had a call from Stella to pay a visit to a friend of Mickey's. As they walked towards the loading dock at the warehouse they both looked at their surroundings, the proximity to Chaney's Distribution warehouse, the same Chaney Distribution company that Mickey worked for, did not go unnoticed. Spotting the kid they had come to find, it was obvious to him that this was only going to end one way. Stella knew it too and they separated to approach from either side of the truck which was being loaded. It didn't surprise him when he heard Stella's shout. Yeah, the kid was running ... straight at him. It wasn't much of an effort to catch him and pin him against the side of the truck while he cuffed him, along with a few choice words.

-----

The interview with the kid, Cole Higgins went pretty much as he expected. The kid tried to bluster his way through the questions, the story was getting old. Don thought about Nikki's interview of Mickey, how she picked him up on his grammar. She would have done just the same with this kid, he had no doubt about that. He wished she was there, but hoped she was doing as instructed back at home. Lindsay's interruption gave them a welcome distraction and he had to admit that she had Cole in as many knots as Nikki had Mickey. Working with these women sure made cases interesting sometimes.

After Lindsay had left with the kid's clothes him and the lawyer tried avoiding Stella's questions, quoting infringement of rights. That just pissed him off. He reeled off the best quote he ever learnt and quoted from the Human Rights Act, yeah, that made the lawyer sit up a bit straighter. He brought it up occasionally when their slimy criminals pleaded infringement of their human rights. He was beginning to hate the lawyer as much as he hated the suspect sat in front of them. It was a stalling tactic on the kid's part and that pissed Stella off. She stormed out of the interrogation and he followed her to find her slamming doors in the lab break room. They were both caught by surprise when Mac interrupted her rant over the frustrations of the case and as the boss he pulled rank and packed her off home to take a break.

With nothing more to do in the lab he turned and headed back to squad room and the mounting pile of paperwork waiting for him. He flopped into his chair and slowly scanned the heaps of documents before him. He leaned over to start on one pile, but thought better of it and picked up the phone instead. He needed a couple of minutes to pick himself up and give him an incentive to carry on and he knew just who to call. Hearing her voice was enough to brighten up any day. At least she seemed to be in a good enough mood to joke with him and reminisce over old times. That call really lifted his mood and was soon left listening to a dial tone while wondering what they had just got into. He slowly replaced the receiver and after thinking for a moment he stood up and headed for his supervisor's office in the corner of the room.

----

The following day a team conference ran over the details of all their cases again. He was always amazed at the input from lab geek Adam, but this time the kid really did produce the goods. A DNA match to the two kids currently stewing in lock up. An excuse to haul them in again to answer more questions. Finally some progress was being made.

----

A few days passed and the case was coming together, Danny was in the squad room as they discussed some details. He hadn't expected the visit by the guy in the slick suit or the summons he was presented with. Usually those sort of things had some warning to them. But this one came out of the blue. He slid open the envelope and warily withdrew the contents. He glanced at the plaintiff and reason and he saw red. He thought things were going well, so why this? He knew she was having problems coming home, it was taking time for her to settle down and feel comfortable, but he thought since Christmas things were better, that they were making it work. This didn't make sense, why would she shut him out of his daughter's life just as they were getting to know each other.

He charged from the room and straight to the lab. He found her standing with Hawkes in the foyer. He roared at her, waving the summons in front of her face. She leant heavily on the crutches as she tried to keep the weight off her foot, but she wasn't intimidated by his outburst although she flushed as he yelled at her. He saw her look around warily, but standing in the middle of the lab didn't register, all that he could feel was the rage that she was kicking him out of their lives for no reason and that she had done it through a court order rather than face him. She tried to talk, but he was in no mood to listen and cut her off.

She tried again to say something, but he was in no mood to listen to anything she had to say. The gathering crowd were oblivious to him, Stella was the one to rein him in, then he realised that she was intimidated, she was upset, barely holding back the tears. She took the moment to hobble away to Stella's office. Stella was pissed, he realised he shouldn't be doing this in the lab. He hurried after her pushing the door to Stella's office more forcefully than he intended it crashed against the wall.

He held the writ out to her as she leant against the desk. His tone a little softer, but still demanding. He never let her speak when she tried to answer, still intent on pushing home his point. This time she looked at him face on her eyes blazing and her temper just as hot as his she gave him as good as she got, but the amazing thing was how she never hardly raised her voice.

He didn't understand her words. She had the nerve to ask what she did wrong! She didn't know that taking their daughter away wasn't going to happen again, did she seriously think that he would just stand by and let them leave this time? She looked at him confused as she pushed herself off the desk, her crutches rattling against it as she pushed him a few paces backwards. Now she yelled, well if you can call it yelling in between the tide of emotions now flowing from her. She tried to give him some shit about giving him what he had wanted, that it was for his birthday. Then she was gone, hobbling on her injured ankle as her crutches clattered to the floor.

Some birthday present that was. He sighed and picked up the papers now scattered across the desk and finally read them. He was still staring at them when Danny found him. He asked where she was, prepared to go after her and make his peace, but Danny stopped him. He practically begged to go after but Danny was firm. They both needed time to cool off. Danny asked about what happened and he confessed to being a prize idiot, he should have read the damn papers properly before he came up her yelling at her, that she was finally coming around to what should have happened years before, she was finally prepared to acknowledge him officially as Amy's father.

A call out put paid to any further attempt to talk to her, but he vaguely remembered scaring the shit out of some lab intern when he shoved a note at him and demanded he give it to her. He would rather stay and sort this, but he was still on the clock and duty called.

----

On the way to the scene with Danny driving he decided to call her, he persuaded Danny to lend him his phone. It was a step in the right direction, she at least answered the call, but his hopes were soon dashed when she hung up. He sighed. He had to prove to her how sorry he was somehow, but that wasn't going to be easy if she wouldn't talk to him. He started out with text messages, over the next few hours every spare moment he had, which he found were frequent he sent something to her. She never answered, in some ways he couldn't blame her. She wasn't wrong, she was trying to do something he wanted and he had gone off the deep end without knowing all the facts. She had to know how sorry he was.

Finally he got a response as he stood in Stella's office hours later trying to apologise and make his peace with the Queen of the Lab.

_I'm working. Not OK. Quit harassing me. MAY talk later._

He walked into the AV lab to speak to her, he was pleased to see the foot resting up on the desk, but that's all that pleased him. Her hair was matted where she kept pushing it off her face, her face was pale and tense. He noted the look of exhaustion as she raised her head on hearing the door. She just looked, making no attempt to speak or leave. He grovelled as best he knew how. It wasn't something he had to do very often and most times lately it had been with her. It wasn't a habit he wanted them to get into, but he didn't know how to stop it either. She gave him the brush off, he couldn't blame her really. He wanted her to fix what went wrong all the time and at least half the time she wasn't at fault.

The return of the young intern he had scared earlier stopped them from saying anything else and he left them alone, suddenly feeling insanely jealous of the young man who had got to spend the afternoon with her.

----

He stood in front of her locker an hour later hoping that this latest effort to make amends would at least make her smile, well that and the envelope he had just left on her desk. He liked it when she smiled. She deserved that. He just hoped that she would get the letter before she went off shift.

He entered the lab at exactly 8pm to look for her. He was just about to give up as no one had seen her when he saw her emerge from the elevator trying to balance her bag on one shoulder and coat under her arm while still using her crutches. He stepped forward and took her bag and her coat while his eyes took in the rest of her, noting how well the dress fitted her and how good she looked, except for the shoes, she still had her low heeled work shoe on her good foot, rather than her dressy high heeled sandals. He held her coat while she balanced and slipped her arms into it. He carefully teased her hair out. Neither had spoken. He wasn't sure if she was ready and there wasn't anymore he could say right now which would convince her. He was just relieved she had apparently agreed to have dinner.

He watched her pull her coat around herself and button it up before pulling her gloves from the pocket and putting those on too. Pressing the call button for the elevator, she appeared to be waiting for him to say something, but he remained quiet. When she dared to glance up at him, he was watching her. The elevator door opened and without discussion they stepped inside. The car was empty allowing them space, she leant against the wall as he pressed the button for the garage, before turning to her. He still didn't want to open the conversation, but one of them had to. He tried to work out what to say, something he hadn't said already. Before he could string a coherent sentence together she spoke, her voice quiet, strained, full of emotion. Something about the moment said she was no longer mad with him. At least he hoped so. Conversation was slow and stilted, but at least they were talking. Right now he'd take anything he could get.

Sitting in his car he offered to take her home, she hesitated to answer. He decided that it was time to cough up the big present to grovel with and handed her the small velvet jewellery box. As her head popped up he saw the shock in her eyes and realised that she was thinking this was more than just an apology. He silenced her with a finger on her lips and asked her to look before she said anything. He knew what she was thinking - that box was still tucked safely away at home, waiting for the right time to give it to her. This one was just a peace offering, the earrings she had seen before Christmas that he never had time to go and get.

He watched her open the box and the surprise wash over her. He apologised for about a hundredth time for his earlier actions and she finally agreed to dinner. There was hope, she was talking to him, well when he let her speak. A little of the sparkle had returned to her eyes. He drove them to his place as she lay her head back and dozed. Well he thought she was. He knew she had been faking when he opened the door for her to get out, he couldn't resist the chance to graze his fingers across her cheek to wake her, it was damp with silent tears. He couldn't see her face clearly in the dim light, she was still upset, that much was clear.

Inside the elevator he stood a few feet away watching her. Something about her was puzzling him, something he hadn't seen from her in a long time. He hoped it was just this awkward place they were in right now, but he had a niggling feeling it was more and if he was right, there would be nothing he could do to help, not this time, it was something she would have to work out for herself, he would just have to be patient and let her know that when she was ready he'd be there for her like always.

Once inside he knew things had changed, she was distant, hesitant, he hoped she was just tired. He was concerned he could rarely read her mind, know what she was thinking and this was no exception. She talked. He let her, she had been doing this for him. She was finally ready to accept him into Amy's life permanently and in a split second he had destroyed all of that. Bringing up painful memories of the last time they had fought about custody. He wanted to console her, but she didn't want him to touch her. She backed away. He wasn't sure what to do. He lowered his voice, asked what was on her mind, this time he caressed her hair, she clearly wasn't comfortable as she stepped back against the couch. She talked of leaving. He couldn't let her do that, her emotions were too raw, he offered her his bed for the night while he took the couch. Give them some time out, allow them to talk over breakfast. Exhausted and probably in pain from her ankle he watched her as she offered up joint custody of their daughter but shut down any ideas of a future for them as she shakily reached for the crutches he had taken from her minutes earlier.

He stopped her. He promised her the earth if only she would concede to staying the night so he knew she was safe. She had no argument against him and in her exhaustion let him carry her to the bedroom. Treating her like a frightened child he watched from the doorway for a while as she slept. He would let her go if she really wanted, but he hoped he could persuade her that them being together and raising Amy as a family was the right thing to do. The one thing he was sure of above everything else was that no girl he ever dated matched up to her and he realised for the first time that he had always compared them to her. She was where his future lay, he only hoped in time she would realise it too. With a deep sigh he grabbed some covers and ambled back to the couch in the hope that he could at least get a few hours sleep.

* * *


	16. Nightmares to Soul Mate

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**16. Nightmares to Soul Mate**

He lay on his couch for sometime staring at the shadows on the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, he'd tried for the last 2 hours. His mind constantly played over the previous days events and the woman sleeping in his bed. He reached for his phone and checked the time, it was almost 2.30. He sighed and closed his eyes again, images of her taunting him. His mind replaying key moments of their lives, trying to work out when things had changed and become so complicated.

5 ... 10 ... 15 minutes passed, he tossed and turned on the couch, as he shifted again, a sound in the bedroom caught his attention. It wasn't clear at first so he wasn't sure if he had heard anything at all, but the ear-piercing scream which quickly followed definitely made it into his frazzled brain. He all but ran into the room, stopping at the end of the bed to find her sitting up, her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them as she fought to control her breathing.

It shouldn't have been a surprise, but her tear-stained face and her sweat-soaked matted hair, wrenched his heart. She was concerned she had woken him up! He sat on the bed and began massaging her shoulders, easing her tension. She was cold and shivering. She needed to change, one of his t-shirts and a hot chocolate should help. He left her to change and went to the kitchen. She followed a few minutes later.

He looked up as he heard her come in. She was wearing his t-shirt and his robe, which was wrapped tightly around her, her hair now scooped up in a ponytail, her skin pale. He took their drinks to the lounge and she limped behind him. She almost crawled onto the couch and curled up as well as the cast on her foot would allow her. He handed her a mug, then sat beside her. Neither spoke for several minutes. Finally he put his cup down and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close to him. He felt her relax for a moment, then she shifted, put the cup on the table in front of them and stood up.

She was still shaken and quiet as she headed back to his room. Don had watched her go and lay down on the couch again. He wanted to follow her wrap her in his arms and tell her everything was going to be alright, but her attitude since they were in the garage had shifted. She was trying to distance herself from him and he wasn't sure why, only that their fight had nothing really to do with it, it seemed to have been the catalyst though. He ran his hand over his face, he needed to sleep, but it still eluded him. He must have been on the verge of finally falling asleep when another scream pierced his brain. This night was not turning out the way he had planned he realized as he returned to the bedroom, to find her curled up and sobbing into a pillow. Without talking he climbed into bed next to her and pulled her into his arms. She lifted her head slightly and looked at him, then lay down with her head on his chest letting his heartbeat lull her to sleep as he had done numerous times before. This time he slept too, knowing that she had finally settled and was safe and protected in his arms.

-----

He watched Stella and Hawkes duck under the crime scene tape and walk purposefully towards him. He gave them the low down on the case, waiting for a few minutes until he was alone with Stella to ask about Nikki. He confided his fears to Stella, concerned that neither had slept well and that when he had woken up she had already left that morning. Stella tried to give him the comfort he needed, but it was far from comforting. He knew they were in a difficult place, that Nikki still needed time to pick things up, living and working in the city which had destroyed her life once had to be tough, but he knew she was up to the challenge, he just wished there was something he could do to help her see that. That she could see how much she meant to him.

The news a few hours later that she had finally closed that damned firework case was good to hear and she sounded in a good mood when she called to tell him. He was pleased she turned up at Sullivan's with the team to really celebrate, but she didn't stay long and quickly hitched a ride with Angell when she left. He tried to leave with them, but she made it clear that she needed time out. The kiss to his cheek telling him all was not lost. He tried to ignore the questioning look Messer gave him and quietly finished his drink before making his own way home.

He really wished he could read her mind, understand what had so suddenly freaked her out again so that he could help her.

----

It was late the next day before he had time to go up to the lab to find her, only to be told by Stella she wasn't around, surprised that Mac had sent her home. He hoped her foot was OK and not the cause. He decided that having worked almost eight hours straight he deserved a break, so he left Stella and headed to the house. Amy was excited to see him and gushed exuberantly at the news that he would take her to school for her first day. He was surprised to learn that Nikki wouldn't be there too and even more surprised when her mum told him she was at the clinic having her cast removed. It had barely been a week, the ER doc had said two.

Not knowing what to expect he headed down to find her at the clinic, where she sat waiting and flicking through an old magazine. She didn't appear surprised to see him take the seat next to her. But when he questioned her presence she shut him down. Insisting it wasn't the right place to talk. Not able to guarantee his availability after she had finished at the clinic he decided to call in some personal time. Hopefully give them a chance to straighten things out, thankfully his supervisor agreed without question.

Leaving the clinic they sat in the local Starbucks and she told him about the summons served on her the night before, the long distance calls to California and finally the trip she had to take to give evidence in an old case. He struggled to see the logic of her presence, but judges had their own quirks when it came to trials and this one seemed to think dragging her across the country on crutches for a day or two on the stand was good for all involved.

He was relieved when she said Amy and her mum were staying, but he could see the bitter disappointment knowing she would miss her daughter's first day in school. He assured her there would be no problem with him spending time with her and checking up on them. He even suggested that it would be a good time to follow through on their plans to move in together and was surprised when she quickly knocked him back. She was quiet and calm. Never a good sign he had found. She clearly had something on her mind but he thought he was starting to figure it out. He wasn't prepared to let her leave without a firm commitment of some sort so he asked about moving in when she returned, only to have her knock that idea back too, although she didn't completely discount the plan, suggesting they talked again when she got back and she did willingly accept his offer to drive her to the airport.

----

The drive to the airport was filled with awkward silences and stilted conversation. He waited with her through check-in and rather than let her go alone through security at the last minute he flashed his badge and was able to escort her to the gate. She was serious despite his efforts to cheer her up, - flashing one of his trademark looks got no reaction. She confessed to having issues to deal with, but rather than confide in him she kept him out, insisting she had to resolve things alone.

As she hopped away towards the plane he had that sinking feeling that she didn't want to work things out. That she didn't feel the same about him as he did about her. He hoped he was wrong, but if she did finally say that to him, he couldn't ignore how she felt. He would have to push his own feelings aside and support whatever decision she made leaving them a history of scattered memories.

He watched the plane move back from the gate and wondered if he would ever find the contentment that he had first experienced the first time he held her in his arms after making love to her.

----

A week stretched to two and he was pleased to see her foot was almost healed when she arrived back in New York. The meeting and car journey home were dominated by Amy telling her all about school and the friends she was making there and what they had been doing. They talked animatedly about things in California and what Amy had done with him when he wasn't working. But that night and those that followed were all about getting back into the routine at home. There had been no time for the two of them and the longer it got after her return and the less they saw of each other it became clear that California had done nothing to help her get her head straight.

The time of the year wasn't helping, the shops were pushing their next commercial objective - Valentine's Day. One day in the year which she would happily write off. She hadn't always hated it, that had only happened when her life turned upside down and she had lost the love of her life. Jason had picked a Valentine's party to propose to her, one where they had gone to great lengths to make it memorable. Now she was almost sick anytime anyone mentioned it. The closer the day got the more withdrawn she became. They spent time together, but whatever they did revolved around work or Amy. There was little discussion about them or their future. It was clear that things were getting worse, but she wouldn't talk and he was almost scared to ask. He finally resolved to do something about it and picked the most outlandish way for them to spend their night off, starting with the Luke Blade stunt where he was going to saw himself in half.

He wasn't sure if they guy was a certifiable nutter or some prankster looking for his fifteen minutes of fame. Either way he was keen to see it up close. He tried to infect her with some enthusiasm but she wasn't keen. Their brief conversation shouted over the roar of the crowds was to set the scene for the rest of the night. They were both paged on the way home, called to an off- Broadway theatre where a body had been found cut in half. Signs of a magic trick gone wrong?

So much for a quiet night.

---

He couldn't help grinning when she threatened him bodily injury in front of Mac, when telling him about being dragged to the Luke Blade stunt and he heard the guy's reply.

"_I'll pretend I didn't hear you just threaten your boyfriend."_

He watched from the wings as she quietly picked up her kit and headed out to follow Mac's orders. At least she didn't tell him they weren't together, but then she didn't say they were either, she just stayed silent. It left him wondering what they were really doing. Maybe it was time to call in that arrangement he'd made with his supervisor after New Year, take a few days off, take her away somewhere, give them some time alone to talk about things.

It took them most of the night to process the scene, he had his doubts that Danny should be there, he looked ready to fall asleep on his feet, but what could you do when he insisted he was fine? Monroe's absence, back in Montana for a case of her own seemed to be having a detrimental effect on his other best friend. So he decided to have a quiet word with Nikki and Stella to keep an eye out.

----

After catching a few hours sleep they continued to pursue the case, he had a trip to the magic store with Mac, watching that stuff with the fly set him on edge a little. Some cases were more about the science than the old fashioned methods and he sensed this case was going to be one of them, but that was all pushed aside when he ran into Danny. He had supposedly slept, but his own observation and the pressure from Stella and Nikki to do something told him it didn't look much like it, so he called him on it.

Danny tried to blow him off, claiming short staffing in the lab and the case, but he guessed otherwise and asked about Monroe. Pointing out how well he knew his friend he asked about the hearing going on in Montana. Danny caved a little and they talked about what he could say to her to cheer her up.

It was to be expected that Danny would call him on his relationship too and his new insight into women. Well one woman maybe. He bounced the attention back on Danny by snatching his phone and threatening to call Montana for him. He never followed through but at least he gave him something to think about. Trouble was Danny threw it right back at him, suggesting that he should take his own advice and get some help for Nikki. Leaving Danny in the locker room he had wandered outside. Maybe it was time to call in someone else. He really didn't know what to do for the best. He pulled his phone and called the one person he thought would be able to make sense of the things. The fact that she was an ex-girlfriend never crossed his mind, the important thing was that she was family to Nikki, the one person who had probably suffered just as much when Jason died.

He was relieved when she said she would meet him for coffee. Maybe she could reach Nikki where he couldn't.

---

Sitting at his desk later pouring over case files while he waited for news on the Luke Blade case he was pleased to see her come to him. The coffee she brought with her was more than welcome, but the best thing was seeing her, unfortunately the phone call he just got shot down the idea of a quiet 5 minutes to catch up. They were on their way out again, to interview the stunt co-ordinator. She was not amused of that he was certain. She had not been impressed watching a guy cut himself in half with a twelve foot circular saw and to find them embroiled in a case where the certifiable nutter was now their prime suspect was starting to piss her off.

----

Another trip to the magic shop wasn't in his plans and he figured someone wasn't smiling kindly on him when they sent Hawkes with him. Not that there was anything wrong with the ex ME turned CSI, it was just that the guy was such a genius there were times when his own grade twelve made him feel really inferior. The team never meant anything, but sometimes he felt really out of place when they spouted off chemical names or theories. Sometimes he thought about what it would have been like to go to college and do something more, but for as long as he could remember growing up his life had revolved around the NYPD and that is was where his future lay.

----

The following evening with the case over they were celebrating in Sullivan's. Danny had been given the day and Mac had insisted he go home and keep away from the lab. They were therefore surprised when the TV caught their attention as the case in Montana hit the national news and there front and centre were Danny and Lindsay both smiling as they ducked the cameras which met them outside the Bozeman court house.

He was smug as he thought back to the conversation he'd had with Danny the day before and the words Mac had imparted when he and Nikki first started dating seriously. He asked about the new couple getting "the talk". That was when she decided to go, home to see Amy, the look she gave him warned him to let her go. It had been a tough case and she was tired, she had still kept him pretty much at arms length. He knew Stella was watching it didn't surprise him when she asked about Nikki's nightmares.

It was hard admitting that the one thing which would stop them was the one thing she was keeping away from. He hated that she was doing that, but at the same time he knew she would never move on if he didn't gave her the space to do it. She was scared about getting involved again. About what the risks of the job could do. Mac asking what was wrong, touched a nerve and when he asked about helping, that was the last straw. He snapped at Mac, caught their shocked faces and grabbed his coat and marched out.

He sat for a long time in his car silently kicking himself for what he had said. It was unlike him to comment on the guy's dead wife like that. He quickly realised he owed the guy an apology. That was a task for another time. He called his ex again asking if she had set up the plan yet to meet Nikki.

----

His first stop the next morning was to the Crime Lab boss. He noticed that the guy was looking as bad as he felt, sleep had been evasive and their clothes rumpled as if they had been slept in and he felt even worse if that was possible. But he made his peace. Mac threw him a line and suggested he should talk to Peyton about the ghosts in their lives. Before he could do that things were to take a turn that no one had foreseen.

Several new cases landed on his desk in the following days and by mid afternoon Monday he was at another scene, standing in the middle of a pile of rubble as rain was pouring down and gradually the water lapping at his feet seeped into his trousers. The umbrella he held provided some protection from the elements as he watched Mac and Hawkes process the scene. He was a little puzzled to get a call from an unknown number as he stood there.

Alarm bells began to ring as he took the call from the school asking for Amy to be picked up. After quizzing Mac about whether Nikki had been called in on her day off and getting a negative he knew something was wrong. There was no way in normal circumstances that she would have left their daughter at school. A trace on her phone told him she was still at the diner where she had met his ex for lunch. Another call to her told him that they had parted ways at the diner several hours before.

He looked up from the call to see Mac standing before him, telling him to go get his daughter. He was relieved he wouldn't have to impose on anyone to do that. He just felt the knot in his stomach tighten and stir up all sorts of thoughts about what could have gone wrong. In his line of work it wasn't surprising that the worst scenarios were the first ones he thought of. He was starting to feel cold from standing outside for hours, not to mention his soaking trousers and wet feet leaving them chilled and squelching. He was concerned that Amy was still at school, that Nikki hadn't collected her and was now off the grid. He hoped she was still at the diner and decided to stop there on the way to get Amy. But it did nothing to quell his fears and he became even more anxious when all he got was her phone which had been left on the table when she left.

As much as he wanted to scour the city to find her, his more pressing problem was his daughter at school, so with a few strategic calls he picked up his daughter and took her home, giving her the excuse that her mum had to work. A few quiet words with Amy's grandmother assured him she would be fine and he could now devote himself to finding her mother.

He had a few ideas, and tried to follow them in some logical sequence in as short a time as possible in the hope their paths would cross. Having tried some of the churches he headed for the cemetery which was now shrouded in darkness.

Fresh yellow roses adorned the grave, at least he knew she had been there. Taking a brief respite from the rain outside he entered the chapel and cast his keen eye around the room. It wasn't long before he found her handbag, everything seemed to be intact, including her badge. Her gun was missing, but she rarely carried it on her days off. It was unlike her to leave things behind, if he liked fairy stories he would have thought of Hansel and Gretel and a trail of breadcrumbs, but he was more concerned than ever. For her to leave these things she wasn't thinking straight, but when he thought about it he couldn't remember the last time she really seemed to have it together.

She had avoided most team night's out, rarely mixed in the lab and barely spoke to him in or out of the lab if a case didn't require it. He knew this was the end of the line, he carefully bagged her personal effects and headed back to the lab where he found Jenna waiting with Nikki's colleagues.

He wasn't prepared for the confession from Jenna, or the news that he had given her gifts from a ghost and that's when he lost it. Family or not, ex-girlfriend or not, she shouldn't have done it. The only problem was she didn't stand there and take it, she threw everything back at him. Bringing up more bad memories in the process. The Team stood around them uncomfortably shifting as the pair had argued.

He realised as she was heading out of the door that they still needed her help and he apologised. He wasn't sure what had prompted her response, but it was welcome. He wasn't in this alone. Despite what may or may not have happened between them, Nikki was still her sister-in-law and that counted for something. Mac brought them out of their "moment" as they stood entwined in each others arms in a tight hug as they tried to comfort each other. He asked the practical questions, definitely a good man to have in a crisis. At least this time he was conscious to see the man deal with the issues at hand.

He was glad when Hawkes joined them breaking the awkward silence which had descended and announced he'd found her car. Sometimes having a genius on staff really was worth it. The fact that any or all of them should have thought about the GPS tracker on it shouldn't have waited this long, but at least they had a new location to check. He was glad when Stella offered to drive. Nikki could use a friend when they found her, he was sure of that, especially if she refused to speak to him.

----

He could barely focus beyond the raindrops on the windows as they rushed towards the downtown area. Stella had obviously realised he wasn't paying attention as she pointed out her car as they drew alongside.

A cursory glance told him she had been in there since lunchtime. The present Jenna had given her strewn across the front seat, a warm engine. At least they were making progress, she wasn't going to be too far away now, but staring up and down the street through the driving rain gave them no insight into where she was now.

If you had of asked him later about the squad car pulling up he would have sworn blind that it never happened, but with the fear, wet and cold he was just completely drained. If he felt like that now, she could only feel worse. They had to find her.

-----

Now he was focused, she had to be nearby, he felt a little better when Stella insisted they drove around a little first before calling for back up.

It wasn't long after, although it seemed forever, that they drove around the site with the great gaping hole. Surrounded by a fence the place was barely lit as early construction was taking place on the site. The lone figure against the fence almost destroyed him. He couldn't stand back any more and let her alone, this was bigger than either of them now. He was aware of jumping from the car as it still moved, the uniformed officers who had also just arrived about to barge in. He silence them with a simple instruction.

In fear of spooking her he slowed his pace as he approached her and gently eased her hands from the bars. He couldn't avoid noticing the vacant look on her face or that she wore her wedding ring, but the point where the rain stopped and the tears started eluded him. He held her as she buried her head in his chest, her fingers gripping his coat. This was worse than the night he had found her crying in his apartment after the dust began to settle. Maybe this is what should have happened a long time ago, she needed to see the finality of what happened and move on. Maybe that was the issue all along, despite the tears and drama since, she had never really accepted it.

He stood in the rain holding her, feeling how wet her coat was, her hair dripping and hanging limply down her back. She had clearly been out in the storm for some time. Stella tried to get him to take her back to the car, but he wasn't ready to let her go. She needed another minute or two while he got her to listen to him. He took her away from here now with nothing and he had visions of her in some mental ward in the hospital. She didn't deserve that, she wasn't crazy, just completely grief stricken. He also knew that he couldn't continue on his own, they needed professional help. First of the medical kind, he was grateful to Hawkes for his unwavering support.

He felt her shift in his arms as he talked to her and she seemed to regain some recognition. Then he saw the panic surge as she realised the time and remembered her obligations. He held her tight and reassured her everything at home was fine. No harm had been done.

Now was the moment to get her out of there and take her someplace safe to dry off and sleep. She accepted that they were going to his place, that he was there for her again. She didn't need to run. Something new flashed across her face and he sensed a shift in her mood, it was lighter, more peaceful. He was totally unprepared for what came next as he watched her go back to the railings and reach through. Before he could attempt to stop her she had removed the ring from her frozen hand and tossed it into the mud puddles inside the fence. He hoped that when morning came she didn't regret making that decision because trying to find it again would be damned near impossible.

Whatever it meant to her it seemed to improve her mood, she seemed ready to talk a little, but now the rain had started seeping through his overcoat and he could feel the cold and wet filtering through his suit too. If he was uncomfortable like this she must be far worse. They needed to dry off. He stalled conversation, but she persisted. He gave her the heavy honest answer. He needed her, and he would spend his whole life proving it too her if that's what it took. He was surprised by her response.

Her eyes had never left his, which he was certain widened in shock. It was the last thing he thought she would ask. He hesitated, he felt she was hanging by a thread, he didn't want to do the wrong thing and tip the balance and send her spiralling into a darker place than she was right now.

Her impassioned speech as she half commanded, half pleaded quietly seemed as if she had gained some sort of epiphany from spending the afternoon in the rain.

The audience he knew was watching them drifted out of his mind as he tenderly acceded to her request. Still wary of spooking her, expecting her to change her mind at the last second he stepped forward hesitantly and pulled her into his arms, wrapping one around her waist, with their eyes locked together he caressed her tear and rain strewn face with his free hand, before drawing her head to meet his and his lips touched hers, slowly and tenderly.

* * *

_I finally forced the muse to do what I wanted. So I hope to be able to hang on to her for a bit to finish this._


	17. Through the Fog to Valentine's Day

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**17. Through the fog to Valentine's Day**

Stella left them alone in his apartment giving him a few minutes alone with Nikki before Jenna and Hawkes arrived.

Don closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. A whimper from the woman on his couch was enough to focus his mind again. He shrugged out of his overcoat and jacket and tossed them over the back of a chair as he returned to Nikki's side. Her skin was pale, her lips almost blue from the cold rain, her hands like icicles.

He coaxed her. Slowly her eyes opened and she sat up. He took her hands and pulled her to her feet at the same time willing the heat from his hands into hers. After a moment he let them go and eased her coat from her shoulders. She had spaced out again and looked around confused. He could feel her shiver as her eyes flooded with tears. He offered simple reassurance, that her mum and Amy were fine, that she needed to look after herself and that would start with her getting warm and dry. He guided her into the bathroom to take a hot shower. He handed her some towels and turned to leave, but she tried to keep him there. As much as he was tempted, he wasn't prepared to take advantage, it had happened before and he wasn't going to let it happen again. She wanted to know why he refused to stay.

He turned back to her, a little surprised that she had closed the distance between them silently, leaving them standing merely inches apart. He couldn't quite read the expression on her face or in her eyes. He sighed. He couldn't read the look, it was nervous but somehow sexy and seductive at the same time. The longer he looked in her eyes the more he fought the urge to kiss her. He deliberately stepped back, putting space between them. He wanted to stay, to give her everything her eyes were pleading for at that moment, but he was scared that it was only a reaction, that she still needed time to come to terms with her emotions and what had happened that day.

She asked again, her voice was firmer, the tone sending shivers down his spine at the suggestion behind the words.

He murmured something about getting changed too and turned quickly, pulling the door closed behind him as he stepped into the hall, hoping that he had made the right decision. As much as he wanted to take her to bed and make love to her, show her how important she was. It wasn't the right time, she was still confused about a lot of things and it would take time to fix. He resolved at that moment to start again. To do things better.

He listened carefully to the sounds from the bathroom as he peeled off his wet clothes and dried himself off before pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He stuffed his suit into a bag for the dry cleaners and left the rest of his clothes on top of the laundry hamper before returning to the lounge where he hung up both their coats to dry. Then he went to the kitchen and set the coffee to brew and pulled some mugs from the cupboard. He heard the water shut off in the bathroom and was about to go check on Nikki when there was a soft knock at his door. He opened it to admit Hawkes and Jenna.

They asked how she was as Jenna hugged him. He could almost feel her relief that she had been found. He wasn't sure what to say, he wasn't sure that if he said anything it wouldn't make things worse. He just wanted for them to be left alone, to just be together. He'd seen her like this before and it surprised him a little that now five years later she was back in the same fog which had consumed her for over two months then.

He looked at Jenna uncertainly as she asked where Nikki had been all afternoon. He shrugged. He had to tell Jenna what she had done and he didn't know how she would take it. Slowly he confided what he had seen her do, how he wasn't able to stop her. He was a little relieved when she seemed to accept it. She consoled him, told him what she thought he needed to hear. That they had both needed time to come to terms with what happened.

Hawkes had stood silently attentive to their conversation. Don caught the movement as Hawkes turned to see her enter the room and hesitate. He looked at her and had to stifle a smile, she looked so cute with her hair clipped messily at back of her head, his t-shirt which kind of swamped her and a pair of his joggers which had the legs rolled up a few times because although she was taller than average they were still too long and being barefoot she seemed to have shrunk a little. That probably had as much to do with her mood at that moment too.

Don watched her for a moment as she looked around blankly. He stopped Jenna from going to her. He was grateful for Jenna dragging Hawkes with her to the kitchen to give him a few minutes with her. He continued to watch her as he moved across the room, trying to gauge her state of mind. It was almost as if the last five years hadn't existed.

Her eyes settled on him as he stopped before her and they continued to stared at each other for a few minutes. He didn't want to say the wrong thing, he guessed she was still confused and trying to clear her head and make sense of her life. Finally she broke the stare and focused on his chest. She took a few deep breaths, steeling herself finally she looked up again.

He let her start to speak, but quickly cut her off, he wanted her to talk, but not now, she was in no state to talk now, they would make time, but for now she needed to rest. She was still a little pale and the haunted look in her eyes while less than earlier, was still there. He promised they would talk, but just not at that moment, he only needed one question answered then. Was she leaving again?

He had almost talked himself in the last hour into the fact that this was it, that she would disappear again, taking Amy with her, never to return. He wasn't sure he could live with that. Her answer almost floored him. Having almost convinced himself that she was walking away he was unprepared for hearing that she needed him, that she wanted them to work.

He tried to coax her to sit down, let Hawkes check her out, but she didn't move. So much for doing things right this time. She wanted to sleep with him, she knew neither would sleep alone that night, they needed the comfort of being together. Under any other circumstances he would have replied with a snarky comment, but at that moment words failed him. He wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer until her head rested on his chest, her arms around his waist. He promised her anything she wanted.

-----

He watched from the sidelines as Hawkes checked her out, asking her questions, he offered to recommend someone she could talk to. They were both more than a little surprised to hear she had already seen someone that afternoon. She was scared, neither knew exactly what of, but Hawkes had looked at him, his slight nod indicating he should be the one to console her. He didn't really know what to say, so he told her what she needed to hear. Hawkes chose that moment to leave and he was grateful. They just needed each other right now and he coaxed her into the bedroom, tucking her under the covers he sat with her for a few minutes, watching over her as she fell asleep.

With Stella and Jenna returning from their errands and then going again, he finally shut the door to the apartment and heaved a sigh of relief. He didn't need to pretend anymore. He was just as exhausted, he could focus on nothing else other than crawling into bed and wrapping her in his arms.

He was surprised when she curled into him and lay her head on his shoulder. He had expected her to be asleep. But she told him that she couldn't sleep without him. They talked a little, rambling thoughts emerging into the beginnings of a conversation that had long been coming. She suggested that they all go away. He resisted. Amy had just started school he reasoned and took the risk she would agree for the two of them to go alone, give themselves some time. He became concerned when she didn't answer. He felt her fingers tracing the scar on his stomach, he instinctively tried to avoid her delicate touch. He knew the subject would come up again. She had asked before a couple of times, but he had always successfully deflected her attention. It was getting harder. She deserved to know the story from him. Drawing her fingers away from the reminder of the day he survived a building landing on him, he tried to deflect her again. Raising the possibility that they went away for a few days. He almost held his breath during the silence which followed his request. He sighed when she finally consented.

He just hoped that what he had in mind would help her.

----

It was early when he woke up. She had slept for almost 8 hours uninterrupted. He was keen to put his plan into action, but to do that he needed to go out, see some people and to do that he had to move and leave her alone for a little while. He eased himself from the bed and was relieved when she didn't even stir. A few phone calls and a couple of deliveries he was ready. He had never thought of himself as romantic, but there was something about her that was changing him. He left the rose and note on his pillow, so that if she woke up she would see them right away. He didn't normally write notes to girlfriends, but for her he made an exception. Same with the flowers, not that he had done that often, a bouquet after that damned stalker had nearly killed her and now. He remembered seeing how her face had lit up when saw the bouquet before.

That's what he wanted to see again, the look of amazement and wonder and that's just what he planned to do.

He knew Mac had already given her a few days off to recover, all he needed was to call in the leave he'd discussed at new year with his supervisor. For the next few days she was going to be pampered, not having to worry about anything.

----

First he talked to her Mum and Amy, Maggie thought it was a good idea and encouraged him. Amy had been too excited to see him that the rest went over her head. He promised she would see them both after school and get some time with her mum. She was happy.

The department were a little more difficult, but they conceded. He got four days. He just hoped it was enough.

----

Returning to his apartment all was quiet. He assumed she was still sleeping so he headed to the kitchen for coffee, surprised to find her standing there a cup in one hand a letter in the other. He waited a moment, just watching her. She seemed calm and peaceful. It was the first time in a while she seemed like it. He watched as she folded the letter and slowly look up sensing his presence. Her greeting was quiet almost nervous.

He was nervous himself in asking how she felt, wary that the vibe he had was wrong and she was depressed. But what followed almost knocked him on his ass. She looked at him with clear eyes, a tiny smile edging her lips. She called him on the note and the rose. He ducked his head, not wanting her to see him blush, .. he knew he was, he could feel the heat in his cheeks. He couldn't resist a chuckle as she contorted herself to look him in the eye. He hadn't seen her in this mood for a long time. It reminded him of their early friendship, only this time the feelings ran deeper. She was teasing him about being romantic. He tried to deny it, brush it off, but she hung on. Telling him in no uncertain terms that she was ready for whatever he wanted to give her.

He didn't know she remembered the blue velvet box he offered her two months before. One which had been sat in his dresser among his socks since the night she turned him down in the garage, freaking over the baby. . It suddenly hit him about her reaction after their fight in the lab over Amy's custody papers, when they were in his car, he'd given her the earrings.

He challenged her thinking on those occasions. She finally conceded that it had scared her. That he felt that seriously so soon, she hadn't been ready, but she was ready now and he could give her that little blue box and have no fear of her rejecting it again. He resisted the urge to do just that. Despite her words, she wasn't ready. They needed to really have things sorted and that would start with a trip back to the woman she had spoken to the day before. Try and sort out what was going on in her head.

He caught her off guard when he made his request. It's not something she would have expected from him. See a shrink? Normally he would be the sceptical, objectionable one for something like that. But at this stage he was prepared to accept anything that would help her to get through her emotional turmoil and give them a real chance.

He was relieved when she agreed. But in return he promised her lots of fun and a date. That made her smile, he had never formally asked her out on a date. They had been out loads of times as friends, but he had never asked her out. She questioned him. He did begin to suggest that he could skip certain steps, but then stopped himself. He was not going to just go back to taking advantage.

----

They finally started their day having lunch at a little diner near his apartment, where conversation flowed relatively easily about family and work and now they found themselves sitting in the waiting room for her to speak to the shrink. He knew she was nervous. He tried to ease the tension he could feel in her as she sat waiting for her appointment. She had given him the option to go, said that she could do it alone, but he couldn't just walk away, let her go back to handling things by herself, she was in trouble and she needed a friend if nothing else. He was tense sitting there guessing what would go down and she knew it, she had sensed him fidgeting in his chair. The click of the door drew their attention.

He glanced at the woman in the doorway. She looked nothing like the shrinks he'd had to talk to in the past. Maybe being a woman made her more approachable it was clear from her dress and office space that she was doing well. The diploma's on the wall all screaming qualified for the job. He just wasn't sure if she had the experience to be able to handle Nikki. She looked too young to be sorting out other people's problems. Too young and too pretty. She encouraged him to join them, Nikki never objected. So he found himself sat on a fancy leather couch while they talked.

He coaxed her into talking to the woman who studied them with her clear green eyes. Holding Nikki's hand he could feel the tension as she was questioned about the baby and who the father was. It was something they hadn't discussed since Christmas, things had been better, they didn't need it now, bringing up the bad memories. He told that Gus woman so. She tried to explain why she wanted to talk about it, but for Nikki it was enough. She stood up and walked out. He followed.

In the elevator he pulled her into his arms whispering into her hair. It had opened old wounds again. They were both going over old memories. It needed to stop. Leaving the elevator they discussed the next steps. He promised her some fun and he fully intended on delivering. She would just have to go along with him for the ride. He wasn't about to let her into his surprise just yet.

-----

Amy had been delighted at seeing both her parents and spending time with them at the park. All part of his master plan. She was excited about the surprise he had planned and he promised to bring her back a present.

They were standing on the sidewalk as he persuaded Nikki to get into the car. She was nervous, not knowing what he was up to. But he knew she would love the surprise. He just had to keep her confidence for a few more hours, drip feeding her information as necessary.

She questioned him on the timing, she had only agreed that morning they needed some time together, but they hadn't had time to work everything out. He stood before her taking in the nervous anticipation in her eyes. Don pushed his fingers into her hair and cupped her face, making her look at him and trying to impress on her that they needed to do this. It was only a few days, Amy and her mum were fine and Mac knew how to reach them if they were needed. He'd taken care of it all. He knew she hated not being in control, but he also knew that despite everything between them she trusted him to take care of her. Despite promising himself the night before, to do the right thing and start again, the look on her face was drawing him in. He didn't intend getting so physical with her, hugs and hand holding was as far as he had gone since that kiss at Ground Zero. He tipped his head to her and pressed his lips against hers. He felt her shift a little and start to respond. He knew if he let that happen then things would get out of hand. They had an audience, their daughter and her grandmother were waiting nearby to see them off. He watched her bite her lip and shiver as he grazed his thumb across her cheek. Her eyes watching him as he opened the car door. She slid inside without another word.

----

A couple of hours later they were on a plane in mid flight. She appeared to be asleep, her head on his shoulder and her arms entwined around his, as it rested between them. He let his mind wander. Twenty four hours ago she was missing and he was worried sick. The storm which had threatened for days had finally broken over the city and deposited several inches of water in just a few hours. Finding her so uncharacteristically out of control had scared him more than he would admit to anyone. The only thing which kept him from losing it then was taking care of her. Today had been different, the spring sun had bathed the city in a refreshing light and brought with it new hope and a better day for both of them.

Talking Amy into them going away without her had been easier than persuading Nikki. She was naturally suspicious and had kept trying to block him. Finally they had made it to the airport and then he had to confess to his plans, well some of them. He told her enough to get them on the right flight but remained tight lipped about the rest of the plan. He heard the whirr of the landing gear descend and knew they were nearly there. He'd only flown a handful of times, when he went to the West Coast to visit her and Amy, but it was the one sound he could distinguish and it comforted him to know that it wouldn't be long before they were back on solid ground. He felt her stir at his side and he twisted in his seat and looked down at her as he slid an arm around her waist. She seemed tired but calm and he wondered what was going through her mind. Apart from the fact that they were cramped on a plane, he wouldn't have wanted to be anyplace else. He had the girl he wanted with him and she seemed happy for him to be there. He expected the questions about his plans, but he refused to give her anything else. He was amused when he saw the grin on her face, but he reassured her all the same. She called him on plans for Valentine's Day. He pretended not to know when it was. She knew he was lying, but he also knew that she needed to forget it. He promised her they never had to think of it again, he'd wipe all records of it from their house. He'd even go so far as to have a special calendar made for her without it. That made her laugh a little. That boosted his spirits a little. She was slowly coming around. He flashed her a grin he knew she loved and determined that the next few days would make her feel better.

---

The look of amazement on her face was worth everything as he stood watching her as she looked out of the picture window of her room at the scene below them. Dropping his jacket on the couch he joined her at the window, resting his hands on her shoulders he whispered in her ear. The pitch in her voice as she replied, the excitement as she waved her arm around the room, he knew she was falling for his plan. Hearing her confess that she was glad he talked her into it was all he needed to know. Things were getting better. For how long he didn't know, but he would take whatever he could get, maybe one day the good things would really happen and keep on happening.

-----

By the time they left for dinner they had talked a little. They had discussed where they were going to eat, the state of his stomach and that he should stop being chivalrous and give up the room he had booked himself. She wanted him to stay. In her clearer mind she had repeated things she had told him the night before through the fog of- well he didn't really know what of, only that she wasn't in any state to really think clearly and know what she wanted. The look in her eyes as she had faced him and told him that he was no longer just her past, but her future too almost had him in tears. He had tried to slow her down, but in the end he had conceded. His good mood appeared to be infecting her and she almost propositioned him. Something really rare for her to do.

----

Getting one over on Messer when he woke up the next morning was a good start to the day. The guy had no idea that his little jaunt to Montana had been captured on National TV. Seeing that seemed like a lifetime ago after what he had been through the last couple of days. They had talked for a few minutes before her arm snaked over his body and took the phone, dismissed Messer in very clear terms and hung up before giving him his phone back.

He was pleased she was in a good mood as she settled into his arms with her head on his chest. Her favourite place he had figured. He wrapped his arm around her. This was where she felt safe. Neither were in a hurry to move from their early wake up call, so they lay talking about random stuff for a while before finally dragging themselves out.

----

A long walk in the cold air left them with rosy cheeks and cold noses, but it had started the day out slow. He knew she was aware that most of the tourists that day were young couples celebrating Valentines Day. He knew that more than once events of another day had crossed her mind, but he pressed on with his plan, trying to keep her occupied. The walk away from people then the tour of the falls, reliving a summer memory of high school pranks. She didn't know that was what he had planned when he left her at the Welcome Centre exhibits, but she never questioned his plans.

He knew his cousin worked at the Falls, but he never expected her to show up and give them a personal tour and let them into the off limits areas. He was glad she had. Standing on the lower observation platform as the falls thundered before them. She stood holding the railing for balance and he reached around her and blocked her in. Her back against his chest as they shouted to each other above the noise. He wasn't prepared for her to turn around, but he was amazed to see how relaxed she looked. Her eyes were shining, her cheeks were pale and her lips had a tinge of blue, showing how cold she was. He let her go as he moved his hands to cup her face, not sure if his gloved hands could do anything to warm her, but he tried anyway, gently tracing his thumbs across her cheek as he brought his lips to meet hers. Time had seemed to standstill as they stood their locked together. As he drew back he noted she kept her eyes closed for a moment longer before looking up at him. He watched her eyes flick over his face. Her expression unreadable, her silence unnerving. He couldn't resist the magnetic draw of her lips and slowly his lips met hers again in a patient, smouldering promise of what was to come. Her arms looped around his neck. This time when he let her go, her cheeks were flushed and she was slightly breathless, he gave her one of his dazzling smiles. She was still speechless. Something had changed. The fact that she was still standing there with her arms around his neck could only mean it was something good.

When she finally spoke she reminded him of the disastrous first attempt he had made to kiss her back when they were 17, in this very spot. He couldn't stop the rush of blood to his cheeks as he felt the embarrassment of that day for which he had been ribbed mercilessly by his brother and cousin ever since.

For both of them it had been a first kiss, amateur and unskilled. Neither really knowing what they were doing. They had decided after that to remain friends rather than suffer any further embarrassment at attempts to improve their technique.

Now things were different, very different and he proved it to her with another kiss. Glad that they had a second chance.

* * *

_The muse has kind of deserted me this week, but I hope to have some more for you soon._


	18. Moving On to Growing Pains

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**18. Moving On to Growing Pains**

He was in the middle of a UN reception with a dead body and numerous diplomats for witnesses. The past three days in Niagara a distant memory as they both dropped straight back into work. He saw her enter with Hawkes and watched as she listened intently to him tell Mac the events as they were currently known. Before forcing himself back to his memo book and the next witness he caught her eye and smiled at her. He was rewarded with a half smile and a dazzling sparkle in her eyes. No words just a look told him she was pleased to see him, anything else could wait, they were working.

He saw Hawkes talking to her across the room as they waited for their moment to step into the scene. She had come a long way in just a few days. She was much more herself. The self assured young woman he had known years ago. They had talked a lot the last few days sharing stuff that should have been said a long time ago. He was under no illusions that they still had things to discuss, but he had finally told her the full story of the bombing, how pieces of the detonator had ended up lodged in his chest through the gaping hole in his gut. The one now sealed with that great ugly scar. He stole another look at her - she was finally looking better than he had seen her in a long time. He was aware that despite the conversation she was having across the room her eyes were watching him.

He was about to leave with Stella to interview one witness who had been quickly rushed from the scene earlier, when the voice he least wanted to hear bellowed out as the man entered the room. Newly promoted Deputy Inspector Gerrard. Not only was he a pompous ass, but now he had the power to go with it and he didn't wait to start throwing it around, giving orders against normal protocol so that he could "do a favour for the UN" as he ordered the body to remain until given permission by the French Embassy to remove it.

He finally escaped with Stella to go visit the famed Miss Pierpont. He wished later he hadn't. He was ready to wring the necks of her so called "caregivers". They were evasive and shifty, leaving him with a bad taste in his mouth and wanting a shower. Unfortunately he wasn't that lucky. Saturday night in the city and a shortage of detectives saw him join Danny and Lindsay at another scene. He was pleased to see Lindsay looking better and refreshed after the trauma of her court case. He wasn't exactly delighted that she prodded him for information about Niagara. It was clear she expected some sort of confession, along with news of an engagement, but he quickly shot her down, relieved that Danny showed up at that moment to change the conversation.

He had been a little envious about the wine in the cellar, but was less thrilled to hear later that they had found a cockroach in the vic's mouth. He was busy interviewing more people about murder. Four days off, Saturday night, two crime scenes - it was going to be a long night. He'd have to thank Nikki for letting him off the hook that afternoon to get some sleep.

----

A long night turned into a long weekend. Monday lunchtime finally brought some closure as they all wrapped up their cases, but there was no rest as Mac and Nikki headed out on a case in Staten Island so his plans for lunch fell through. He didn't want to head home right away so finding Stella in the lab, he persuaded her to eat with him - it was good to catch up with her again. Find out what had been happening while he had been away. She also encouraged him to tell Nikki why they were so close, that he should be the one to tell her before she heard about Frankie from the lab gossip. That didn't exactly sit right with him, it wasn't for him to tell Stella's personal business, but she had told him to, so maybe it would be alright. He would at least think about it.

-----

Things didn't quite go according to plan the next day either. He was supposed to go with her to see that Gus woman again, but duty had called as he was about to leave the station. A scene of unknown chaos across the city from where he needed to be. The last minute news that it was all a hoax gave him the opportunity to be waiting for her when she left the woman's office.

He was leaning against the car as she came down the steps. She hadn't seen him, wasn't looking for him. He waited until she joined the throng of people on the sidewalk, then stepped in front of her. Without looking she apologised and tried to dodge round him. Wrapping his arms around her finally caught her attention. She was surprised, but accepted the offer of a lift to work.

They rode in near silence. He was wary about asking her about the session. She barely commented on it herself. Once he had parked, he looked at her, asked if she was alright. He was totally unprepared to discover that the woman was Mac's niece. But there was more than that on her mind. He pressed her for answers.

What kind of question was that? Did him and Jason ever talk about her? Of course they did they were best friends, but he didn't want to say the wrong thing and piss her off, so he fudged the answer, not that he really understood the question anyway. She pressed him and in the end he blew it. She left him sitting in the car thoroughly confused about what had just happened while she headed into work almost in tears again.

Why did that woman have to keep fucking with her mind. She had been fine when she went in.

---

They had exchanged the odd conversation in the days that followed. He could tell by the looks she gave him their discussions were business. Cases or Amy were the extent of their exchanges when they did cross paths, but they were mostly working different cases. He asked her out but she claimed something else had come up. So he found himself sitting on a park bench watching his daughter play wondering what had gone so wrong again. Danny sat at his side, there to act as a sounding board for his meandering brain, try and put some perspective on things, work out what the hell was going on. Their conversation was disjointed as they were frequently interrupted by Amy making demands of him. He had to admit that his daughter's exuberant enthusiasm made him smile. He found it hard to believe how easily she had slipped into his life and now he could never face her being anywhere else. He still had a lot to catch up with and she was still on her best behaviour most of the time for him, so he was under no illusion that there would be tough times ahead as he learnt to be a parent. But for now he found it really hard to ever say no to her. That wasn't however what bothered him at this moment. Between pushing Amy on the swing he asked Danny what to do about that damned question which had riled her so much the other day.

When Amy demanded more attention Danny had talked of meeting up for drinks, but he declined. Telling his friend that tonight she was his responsibility. It must have appeared to Danny that he was in a worse state or something because he brought up the damned subject of third dates. He cut him off quick, using Amy as an excuse, truth was that his normal extra curricular activities around dating had gone completely out of the window since he'd given up other women. It soon became clear that he needed to do something and for the two of them. So taking Danny's advice about taking Amy out to the movies without Nikki he just had to persuade his daughter.

----

After Danny left and he was heading home with Amy he called her, just to set things up. What he heard made his blood run cold. She was in tears on the other end of the line. She insisted that she was alright, but he wasn't so sure. He pushed the point as far as he dare, she insisted she was chopping onions and that she was with Stella. Reluctantly he accepted her argument and he told her of his change of plans with Amy. He let her think he had to work, that he'd changed plans with Amy so that she didn't miss out. Leaving her puzzled he slipped into the flower shop near the park.

A few minutes later his phone rang. Dealing with a work disgruntled Stella was bad at the best of times, but when she was on a personal crusade he had no chance. She had insisted he get over to her place and talk to Nikki. Looking up at Amy as he carried her into his apartment. He told her about their change of plans. He watched her face drop with disappointment until he told her she was going out with Stella.

----

Stella greeted them with great enthusiasm. She focused on Amy and soon they were gone, leaving him staring at the one person in his life he couldn't seem to stay connected to for more than a few days at a time. She was standing uncertainly in the foyer turning the card from the flowers around in her hands. The flowers sat on the side table. He could tell she was nervous about something. She had her eyes on the floor. Nothing this week made sense. He had barely seen her for two days and the last time they were alone she was asking strange questions. Sure Jason had confided stuff in him, they were after all good friends and he was best man, it was natural. What puzzled him was why after all this time it was relevant and what effect talking about it would have and why she seemed so distracted. She had barely looked at him since he arrived. It was all questions, there were no answers. He stepped closer to her and took her hands, stopping them from fiddling with the card. She was trembling, he hooked a finger under her chin and gently tilted her head up to look at him. Before he could open his mouth to speak a timer sounded in the kitchen and she was gone. He listened to her moving around in the kitchen for a moment before following her.

She had her back to him as he entered. He had to admit that whatever they had been cooking up smelt good. He watched as she dished up. He waited until she put the dishes on the dining table and was headed back to the kitchen for other stuff, when he put out his arm, sliding it around her waist and stopped her, his free hand taking one of hers and easing her closer. She never looked at him. She refused to be drawn into his questions. She claimed there was nothing wrong, but the last 20 minutes of silence told him it was anything but. He raised the stupid questions she had asked. ... she was mad at him now. They sat down to eat, but her focus was more on playing with her food than eating it, he knew there was more to come. She seemed to be obsessed with the desire to know about guys locker room talk. She still wanted him to answer the question. He finally conceded, not that it was bad, but he couldn't be sure how she would take it. He wanted to know why she had this desire to know this stuff. She looked at him full on and asked outright if he knew how many relationships she had been in. He knew there must have been a couple of guys in college and probably a few in California. She wasn't happy with his response, he was rather taken aback when she snapped at him and got up from the table. He noted her protective stand as she wrapped her arms around herself.

This was ridiculous, he didn't care that she had been out with more guys, or if she had slept with them, he'd been with a number of women himself, what was relevant now is that they had each other. He went to her and turned her to face him and tried to explain it to her. He had obviously taken the wrong option. How was he supposed to know about how many guys she had slept with? He had assumed that as an attractive and confident young woman she would have hooked up a few times. But to find out that there had only been two and he was one left him completely stunned as this time she walked away again. The fact that she didn't stand her ground and stare him down stopped any witty comeback he might have made. As her words sunk in Don felt like he had been kicked in the guts. He tried to think back, how could he have not known? He was so sure there had been a couple of guys in college, and five years in California and nothing?

He stared at her for a moment as she stood in the middle of the room her back to him. He watched as her shoulders heaved. He stepped over to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. He got as close as he dared right then, asking her if this was behind everything that week. Turning her and tipping her chin to look at him he was looking into her grey looking eyes, confusion radiating from them. She was backing off again. Damn why did he have to be such an ass whenever she tried to talk to him?

He started to realise that she was nervous and scared. He tried to reassure her, tell her that whatever had gone before didn't matter, that it was her he wanted. He offered her more time, she didn't know what she wanted. The fear of disappointing him driving her. Regardless of the reassurance and encouragement he gave her she just seemed to distance herself until she finally shut up and told him to leave. He watched her stalk off into the kitchen as he rubbed his hand across his face. This was going to be so much harder than he thought. He hoped he knew her well enough to know that she didn't really want him to go, but he wasn't quite sure what she did want either. But he damn sure knew what he wanted. He strode into the kitchen removed the pan from her hands spun her around and pushed one hand into her hair to support her head as his lips met hers. His other hand on her back holding her against him. When he pulled back he looked in her eyes.

He promised to teach her anything she needed, that it was more of a turn on that she wasn't so experienced in matters of the bedroom. He hoped he was finally making it through to her when his phone rang. Damned bloody dispatch, it was his night off, he wasn't even on call, he wished they would lose his number for once, but he wasn't so lucky. They had a floater in the East River and no one to deal with it.

Now was not the time to be leaving her, things were still too fragile, but duty called and she was understanding enough. He offered to go back to her place after he was done, but she turned him down with talk of showers and smells. He offered to make it her first lesson, she didn't decline, but she didn't accept either, just pushed him to the door to go to work.

They didn't exactly part on the best terms, but at least they were talking, and he promised her things weren't over yet, so arriving the next morning at his desk to see the note cancelling their date was a bit surprising.

He rubbed his forehead. Maybe he had been too push. Since Niagara when they had talked about almost everything and decided to try again she had changed. Half the time she never spoke to him when they were at a scene, the other half away from the job she kept it business like. The conversation in the car and her reaction last night when Stella summoned him, then that damned confession of hers. Between the floater and Nikki sleep hadn't been easy. More her than the floater though as his mind weaved its way through all the times they had made love. They had practically lived together for the first few weeks after her return from California. But apart from the night of the ball, she had been too sick most of the time to even contemplate the idea. Then the baby, the after effects blindsiding both of them. He smiled at the night after the doctor cleared her and she had played seductress for him. He realized it was something she hardly ever did. Not that it had lead to much that night, he was still too concerned about her and couldn't get in the mood. He'd love her to try it again though. Every time they had made love it was in response to some form of stress. Twice over Jason, the stalker, him and the Truby debacle. The only time it wasn't was the night she had come home before Christmas, and maybe after they'd closed that damned firework case. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He really had to get his head in the game. He rubbed his head again and picked up the phone.

Something must have been dropped into the city water supply that weekend. He had spent most of the time running from one scene to another none of which she worked. He wasn't sure if that was good or bad, and he had even less idea when Sunday evening rolled around and he hadn't even laid eyes on her during his odd trip to the lab. She hadn't replied to any of the messages he had left either. He realised he had no idea how she really felt about them. He didn't remember her ever saying it outright. He had on more than one occasion told her he loved her and wanted her. But in all that time he couldn't remember the last time she said she cared or that she loved him. Maybe this was all too soon, that she wasn't ready, that he was all wrong for her.

He had lived with the uncertainty, her reluctance long enough – he had to know how she really felt and it couldn't wait. He knew her Sunday routine, and that by now Amy would be in bed, so he took the chance and turned up on her doorstep. She was a little surprised to see him, but knew they needed to talk.

He had hoped that he could allay her insecurities about the bedroom stuff, but he soon discovered it was so much more. She was terrified of the commitment, of losing him on the job. Her fears were paralysing her, making her incapable of making any decisions about her permanent future. He tried to keep it light-hearted, but that only served to piss her off when she called him flippant!

Doing the right thing she called it. Disappearing to work in Jersey again, a few days a week she said. Not moving, not taking Amy, having more time with her. She had it all planned. Didn't he have the right to know? For them to discuss it?

She refused. She needed to do this to find herself, centre herself back in the city. He hated that she was walking away like that, but the look in her eyes told him she seriously thought she was doing the right thing. That they should only ever be friends. As much as it hurt to hear her say it, he did wonder if on some level she might be right. At least this time they would part as friends and still see each other when their paths crossed in town. He would still be seeing Amy and building his relationship with his daughter. Having now formally signed the joint custody papers and been given the court's approval it was one willing obligation he would follow through.

----

The following night they were at the same crime scene. He couldn't believe what they were dealing with. Some guy dressed up like one of King Arthur's knights on a Monday night in the city. He had dealt with some of the weirdest crap people could do to each other, but a knight in full regalia stabbed with his own lance?

Before he turned his attention to the dead guy he needed to check her out first. The report had come from her after she nearly knocked down some homeless schmuck. In the dim lighting he could still make out the red graze from the airbag on her cheek. His fingers caressing the edges as he asked her for a preliminary report. She had nodded to the homeless guy and pointedly stepped away from his lingering hand.

Checking she was OK clearly unsettled her and she went back to work, but he wasn't done yet. He reached for her hand, but she evaded him by grabbing the camera and starting to shoot photos of the scene. At least she was still talking. He repeated his earlier words of reassurance, that he wanted her to be happy and if that meant there was no future for them other than as friends, he would take that over not having her at all. He could tell that this time she was stronger to deal with whatever she needed to sort out for herself, she wasn't cutting him out, she just needed him to be her friend for a while until she got herself sorted. He almost didn't believe what she asked. But it was the best offer he was going to get for now, so what was he going to say? ... Yeah, he could play the overprotective big brother again, at least he knew she'd be safe, not to mention he would get to run any potential dates through the system. They had an understanding. They were OK.

Casting her a trademark grin and gaining a smile in return, they went back to work as Stella arrived.

He didn't have much time or opportunity to think about things for the next few hours, but he did get a bit of kick out of the old Arthurian legend running through their case. A knight in fake armour, a lance, jousting in central park? What was with this guy? At least it made her laugh thinking he knew his English literature, the whole evening seemed to have her in a good mood. He owed her for her influence on his reading matter in High School, dragging him to Shakespeare in the Park, and off Broadway shows that reflected her English Heritage.

Watching her stop that rampaging horse filled him with pride. With her calm approach and complete focus she had him under control in under a minute and was soon assessing him for any injuries. He loved watching her work.

-----

All three of them worked the case all night, from different angles. He arrived in the lab to catch up with them but only found Stella who gave him a lead to follow. His morning got brighter when she suggested he rang Nikki and had her meet him back at the park.

He was aware of her checking out the horse while he spoke to JJ and enjoyed listening to her giving him a lesson on horse care before they walked away. He had also been aware that JJ had cast more than a glance in her direction in the three minutes they stood there. He knew that she had better taste but wondered how he would react if she ever did date a guy like that. Would he tell her there was something wrong even if his vetting showed nothing?

The rest of the day was pretty routine, except for getting a link with Lindsay and Hawkes case and finding out the three dead bodies they were dealing with were all part of some friendly murder/suicide pact. Danny's case had been the more gruesome, dealing with genetic mutation, he was glad he didn't see the rat with an ear on it's back, that just sounded gross!

The week which followed wasn't any better with the crazies of the city out in full force. One especially was out to stir big trouble and it all came back to the day he handed over his memo book to Mac Taylor. The son of a bitch, Dean Truby had arrested a guy who was now out of jail and free to murder and torture any other young girl to cross his path. Two victims later, one alive, one dead and minus her eyelids, they had closed the case. Dobson had landed on his cruiser with his hands cuffed behind his back from the top of a twenty storey building and only Mac to witness what went down. Needless to say there were questions being asked at the highest levels and Mac was under suspicion.

-----

She had avoided the fuck up of the century courtesy of a day in court, but he needed someone that could understand and listen to him or not, depending on if he talked or not. After spending half the night in a bar with a bottle of scotch he had turned up on her doorstep babbling about it all being his fault. She had taken him in without a word and listened and comforted before dosing him with painkillers to allay the hangover he would have and packing him into bed in the spare room, with instructions to sleep it off. She knew it wasn't his fault, deep down he knew it wasn't either, but when shit happened and it was because of what you did you had to question the motives. OK so it was right to turn Truby in, after all he'd dishonoured the badge and murdered an innocent bystander, stolen evidence to build his own twisted empire. Now everyone else was being made to pay for it. Mac was a no nonsense guy and normally played by the rules, so no one had expected such a rash action to bring such mayhem. Now they would all be in the firing line if the DA or department decided to take things further. Sure they'd all be questioned, but there was no doubt that it would be Mac's career at stake. Despite their disagreements this year the fact was the guy had saved his life and done the right thing. He didn't deserve what the department was bound to throw at him.

Peeling his eyes open the next morning he found more painkillers, a glass of water and a note.

_Gone to work, take your time, Amy's at school. Call me for lunch if you have time, I'll listen to you when you're sober. Stella called Gerrard wants to see you at 11 to take your statement._

Great, now that pompous ass was weighing in and wanted his pound of flesh, he knew he would be looking for a way to have Mac removed from the lab. They had made no disguise of the fact that they hated each other and Mac was the last senior officer to survive the reshuffles since the Administration changed last.

-----

Their paths didn't cross much over the next few days and she was almost ready to leave for Jersey so he made a last ditch effort to meet up before she left the lab. But he missed her. He decided to swing by her place on the way home so they could catch up before she started her new job.

He glanced up and down the street, wondering whether to take the subway or his car. That's when he saw her talking to some dark haired guy as they stood on the sidewalk next to a car with out of town plates. He called, gaining their attention. With a word to the guy she walked over. He asked about them doing something for dinner, but she turned him down. She was going out with that guy, some snotty nosed detective from Philadelphia. She said he didn't have to run him through the system. Maybe he should, but she looked content. She had no fear in her eyes, she knew the guy, what harm could there be? He had promised to give her space. As hard as it was watching her walk away he owed it to her, give her a shot at a normal life. He was watching the car pull away as Danny drew his attention.

"His girl"? She had come close a few times, but he wondered if they could ever really make it work. Maybe he wanted it all too much, she had dealt with a lot the last year. Maybe a break was what they needed. Danny didn't agree. His idea was going heavy on her, which is why he told the guy to mind his own business. If only it had stayed that way maybe then it wouldn't have been so hard to say goodbye.

She had dropped by the lab but Messer couldn't leave it alone he walked in and found them almost yelling at each other. She left at his request and he face a determined friend. Well damn it he was just as determined and he told him once again to butt out. All that was left was to find her, make sure she was alright. He was relieved to see her leaving the locker room. Taking the box she carried he escorted her quietly to the garage. Standing staring at each other he wanted so much for her to stay, he also knew that if he asked she would do. But she would be doing it for him, not for herself, he had to step back and let her go. But first he wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, apologising for Danny's behaviour.

Releasing her he cupped her face in his hands and brushed his thumbs across her cheeks drying the tears which were falling again. She closed her eyes, he knew she was trying to stop any further tears, he should have stepped back then and let her go but couldn't resist the urge to lower his lips to hers and gave her a gentle lingering kiss, one last time.

Watching her drive away he decided he had to make a few choices of his own. He'd done well in homicide, maybe it was time to think about stepping up. It would mean a little less street time, more paperwork, but maybe a better chance to spend time with his daughter. He felt tired. Maybe he should think about taking a vacation, give himself time to adjust.

* * *

_I will force the muse to co-operate!! The reviews help too so thank you for them and for everyone who is reading this._


	19. Snow Day to Loyalties

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**19. Snow Day to Loyalties**

It had been an early start after days of planning. As he stood outside the warehouse in Brooklyn he pushed all thoughts to the back of his mind to focus on the job at hand. He looked along the line of assault officers and colleagues from NYPD who he had been working with for the last week preparing today's raid. It was going to be big and bad. They were dealing with the Irish mob, one of the biggest in town. Loading his shot gun he called the order to move in.

He had been right, fast and furious, big and bad. With gun fire sounding all around him he found himself facing one of the gang from the wrong end of an AK-47. He didn't have time to think, all he knew was that the guy was not going to be the winner in this fight. He had a family and whatever it took he was going home to them. No question about it. He ordered the perp to lower his weapon again, but seeing his finger itching at the trigger - he fired. The perp collapsed before his eyes a bullet hole in his chest.

A half hour gun battle was eventually brought to order in NYPD's favour. One officer with minor injuries and the dead perp the only casualties. It could have been far worse. As the teams moved through the warehouse securing the scene he was called over to one of the trucks to take a look at something. He almost laughed at the sight of the infamous Irish Drug Lord stuffed behind the dash. That solved one issue, but it also meant they had no idea who now ran Wilder's gang.

The other news was the amount of drugs, the CI had talked big, but this was major, 900 kilos of cocaine? That certainly would look good on his resume.

As soon as he briefed Mac and the team the brass arrived and stuck him in front of the now assembled press telling him to make a statement. This was not how he had planned to start his day. A dawn raid, facing death by AK-47, killing another human being (even though he was the scum of the earth), realising how big this raid had been, talking to the press. All before breakfast! He was not looking forward to the paperwork and enquiry that would follow. Then there'd be the psych eval. Walking away from the Press and the Brass he pulled out his phone and found a quiet corner. He had to call her, let her know that he really was OK. He couldn't let her hear stuff and not know.

Hearing the concern in her voice he knew she had already analysed the implications from seeing him on TV. At least she was home for the day, her and Amy were safe. Stuffing his phone back into the pocket on his vest he went back to helping the clean up before heading back to the precinct.

----

It had been a couple of hours since he collapsed at his desk to face the paperwork, he needed to get done. He knew the lab would be busy with processing the guns and drugs and an inevitable encounter with DEA didn't fill him with enthusiasm, so he deliberately avoided the place. He had been debriefed by his chief and was starting to think about trying to grab some lunch when his phone rang.

Messer? No offense, but he sounded like shit, if anyone knew what that sounded like. A problem? The warehouse? Damn it. They should have seen this coming, no drug cartel would easily let 900 Ks slip through their fingers with no comeback.

A couple of calls later and he was on his way back to Brooklyn, once again sporting the blue sweater and Kevlar vest. Things were tense and as the bust was being credited to his leadership, yeah he was creating his own mark and legend in the department, he got to be negotiator with the dumb ass inside.

They spent a tense few hours before the guy really pissed him off and he asked for proof of life. The answer was not what he expected or wanted. At that moment all hell broke loose as he realised they were shooting, possibly killing the hostages. If truth be told, not that he would ever actually admit it, he panicked, barking orders to move in. On the back of that two guys in overalls and masks and armed with AK-47s crossed their path. When they didn't immediately disarm he was about to take them out when Ross came charging towards them his arms flapping as he stuck himself between them, pulling off the masks, revealing the terrified police officers who had been trussed up as decoys.

He couldn't afford a moment to breath as he was called to the truck Danny was crawling out of. Lindsay rushed to his side and helped him down the rest of the way as Don summoned EMS.

With Danny and Adam safely dispatched to the hospital with Lindsay watching their backs he joined his team searching the warehouse for the second time that day. He was not ready to find the gas company uniforms, to realise that they had been played all along, that the Lab was where they needed to be. Damn if he wouldn't have a sore throat by the end of the day, barking all those orders and stuff. What else could get fucked up?

----

He saw Hawkes racing from the garage and joined him as they jogged towards the main entrance, getting an update on the way. He had been totally unprepared to hear that she was inside. He stopped and quizzed Hawkes about her safety. Shit if he had known that earlier, ... he didn't want to think about the consequences. But the fact was she was still inside and they needed to get in there. He waved SWAT over to join them as he struggled to believe that for the third time that day he was going into a raid with an unpredictable outcome and the second where hostages could be involved. He didn't want to think about the consequences if they failed.

Thank God Stella was OK. She struck quite an image, soaking wet, shot gun in hand with two of the gang in custody as she stood determined while waiting for them to get through the door. Quickly the mob boys were removed from the scene and he questioned where Mac and Nikki were. No one knew. They were going to have to go floor by floor and search the entire building. That was when the floor rumbled under their feet, glass shattered around them, showering them as they stood at the front door. The echo of an explosion ringing in their ears as they all ducked to protect themselves.

As they stood up to go back in Mac appeared, his arm around Nikki. He watched as she said something to him and they emptied their weapons. He stepped forward and took them before handing them off to another officer to secure. As Stella stepped forward and hugged Mac, he slid his arm around Nikki's waist, easing her closer. He could feel her shaking and knew that if they weren't careful her legs would give way. He wondered if she could feel him shaking too. That explosion had ripped through him like it was yesterday. He saw Peyton's dash towards Mac before throwing her arms around him. He asked why that hadn't been his reception. She never replied, but her head falling on his shoulder told him she heard.

Mac and Peyton walked away and they grinned. Stella turned to him a frown crossing her face as she asked Nikki if she was alright. He had a pretty good idea, when she hesitated in her response. Within minutes he had left them and walked her away, looking for somewhere to sit her down, get her a drink, give her some space to get herself together.

---

The coffee shop seemed like a good idea to start with, but the noise was unsettling. He strained to hear her over the noise. He watched her eyes dart around the room and back to his face. All he wanted was to take her somewhere quiet and wrap his arms around her, but she was still visibly shaken by the events at the lab. So much had happened during the day that it would take them all several weeks to process everything and put it in perspective. He could see all the department shrinks lining up to take a shot at them. He could tell she was on edge and still scared. He opted to avoid the subject of her for the moment. She had asked him a question, he leaned forward and answered her. He told her the choice he had made. She asked about him, if he was alright. He resisted the temptation to touch her, but his eyes never left her, waiting for a sign. Sure enough it came her voice faltered, her eyes filled with tears then she grabbed his hand begging for them to leave.

Outside the coffee shop she whirled around frantically, He held her hand and led her into a quiet alley. It wasn't what he wanted for her but at least it gave them some privacy and quiet.

She looked up at him her eyes reflecting her inner turmoil. He didn't know what to say to her, how to make her feel better. He did the only thing he could think of at that moment and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against him as he stroked her hair. That was when she completely lost it and dissolved into tears. Neither of them knew how long they stood there. Eventually she pulled back and he held out his handkerchief, she slowly took it from him and dried her eyes, but they were all red and puffy.

It was heart breaking seeing her like that but it was good she had let it out. Drying the last of her tears with his handkerchief he could see the cold determination return from the look in her eyes. She was ready to go back, to deal with the clean up at the lab. He hadn't asked why she had been there, why she hadn't told him, but those questions could wait for another time. Maybe something good had come of it all though. She agreed to him coming around for dinner later. Before walking away she had kissed his cheek leaving him tingling from the warmth of her lips.

She had stayed around for a week to cover as Mac slipped away to London. Since then he had hardly seen her. A heavy case load, using any spare time to hit the books he was pleased when she agreed to bring Amy to the Police-Fire Hockey game. He hoped afterwards that they could go out somewhere. As he stood with the guys after the game he saw her with that Philadelphia detective again. They looked pretty cosy. As he watched them the guy audaciously wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Not just any kiss either, a full blown, all out, I want to get in your pants type kiss. She didn't flinch, if anything she seemed to enjoy it. How could she do this? She had their daughter with her, to witness the whole thing. The fact that Amy was busy looking everywhere but at her mother escaped his notice.

She'd obviously made her decision. One dinner was what she had said that night outside the station. Well it was clear that there had been lots more dinners, and probably more. His attention was pulled away from them as one of the team dragged him away to meet some people. That was his first meeting with Devon. A tall slender woman with a good figure and red hair. She obviously had money and had made a donation to their fund. He hadn't seen Nikki leave with that Valens guy and to be honest he didn't look either, allowing himself to be dragged away to the after game party. It wasn't exactly a surprise that they ended up at a fancy night club in midtown and he got talking to the rich red head.

He had more time on his hands now that the exams were over, but he had got so used to avoiding the guys from work the last few months it had never occurred to him to call up Danny and go shoot hoops or something. He struggled to visit Amy while on a month of night shifts, he saw her once or twice as he took her to school or brought her home. He saw even less of her mother. He did know that Nikki's mum had been travelling backwards and forwards to Miami to look after a sick brother, but she rarely called him for help, relying on one of the mum's from school whose daughter Amy had become firm friends with. He hadn't met her yet, but he knew she was helping out, the nights he couldn't cover.

Maybe she had been right, they weren't right together as a couple, maybe he did need to let her go this time. Maybe he should stop moping around on his sorry ass and get out there again. Apart from Nikki and a brief fling with a nurse after the bombing he had avoided dating. At the beginning he was so tired and sore that he could barely walk across a room, let alone the thought of taking someone to bed. When the doctors gave him the go ahead for more strenuous activity he had shied away because of what the scar looked like. Still red and puffy, kind of angry looking as he healed. Then she had come back and they had spent almost every day together. Since she left he kept hoping that she would change her mind, realise that this is where she was really at home. That he was what she wanted. She never got there. Now it was time to move on, at least she seemed happy.

He finally plucked up the courage to call the number the Devon woman had written on one of his cards the night before. He thought he was ready.

----

Two weeks and two dates later he was still getting on with her alright, tonight was their third date and they had plans. He worked until nearly midnight, she had been at some fancy party, but they met at her place, some penthouse loft on the upper west side. If things worked out he wouldn't be leaving 'til morning.

Sure it was an eventful evening, but just not in the way he planned. It had all started good. They were at her place getting down to business when all hell broke loose and he found himself hijacking a cab and chasing some high class burglars through the streets of the city. All thoughts of the make out session pushed into second place.

Stella was in the apartment when he returned. Although there was no murder the crime lab had been called in as there had been several break-ins by this crew, including his own boss the Chief of Detectives, one Brigham Sinclair, who was now breathing down all their necks to resolve the case.

He never thought to ask about anyone being with Stella, he just figured that she was a big girl and could cope on her own. Meeting his girlfriend had been a surprise for Stella because he hadn't told any of the team about her. But for now the subject wasn't discussed, she was quizzing him about that super stealth spy car with the blue fire getaway package. He didn't notice HER walk in at first. But when he did, he never got the chance to say anything as Devon draped herself around him. It was all he could do not to push her away. The last ten minutes had been a nightmare. He was beginning to see what a gold-digging tramp she was. He just couldn't figure out what she saw in him. She drawled in his ear about some very exclusive party they had been invited to, like it was the best thing. He was saved by his phone ringing. As he answered it another phone in the room sounded. He caught a vision of the blond goddess answer it. He half listened to his call as she concentrated on hers. Hanging up a the same time it was clear she had a call too. She half looked at him and said two words, but those two words were all they needed. Something was going on, talk about 007, spy cars, **Bond** Street, guys dropping fifty floors from an apartment window without incident. There was definitely a story behind this case. He wasn't sure though if reality would live up to anticipation.

He turned to Stella and had Devon stick herself to him again. He just ignored her as he looked across the room and asked Nikki if she needed a ride. Reaching for his jacket and tie he prepared to leave. Devon pouted at him, questioning his plans to leave. When he told her he had to she pressed for him to return. He already knew that a DB found after 10 pm usually indicated an all night session, so he declined, his mind more on the woman now standing in the corridor. He quickly moved to join her as he pulled his jacket on and began securing his tie around his neck as they walked to the elevator. He hadn't expected her to be back yet, she had said October, it was barely the end of September, but not only had it taken him by surprise, it was more where she had shown up that had shocked him, that and what she had just witnessed. He knew that he had made a big mistake. There just wasn't anyone like her.

She was quiet in the elevator, she kept her eyes down, didn't really look at him, her responses to his questions were short and clipped. With the guy operating the elevator listening into anything they said, he didn't press her. He asked how long she had been back. It was clear from her response she didn't want to talk so the rest of the trip to the car was practically in silence. This type of silence wasn't like her. Something bugged her, but unless she told him he couldn't know what it was. He asked her to talk.

She was staring out of the side window, so her head was turned away. When she answered her voice was low and contained, like a coiled spring waiting for an excuse to explode.

Amy. She had pinned it on him not seeing her. He could tell that wasn't all that bugged her, but she got defensive and refused to say anything. He stole a glance at her. He asked about the detective from Philadelphia, if he was hurting her. That really pissed her off. She had snapped at him and said very little after that. Before he could press the point they were at the scene. She gave him a stern look and told him to call his daughter, then she was gone. Out of the car walking towards Mac.

He followed her more slowly, watching her interact with her colleagues, who were welcoming her back. Something wasn't right with her and it was more than him not seeing their daughter, but if she wouldn't talk he didn't know what he could do to help. It had been more than two weeks since they had talked properly. He knew she was coming back to work in the city, but he didn't know when and to see her turn up at Devon's place without talking to her just caught him off guard. She was playing things cool, but she was definitely pissed about something. He resolved to try and talk to her later.

Hawkes caught him later as they stood aside waiting for the body to be removed. Nikki was watching over the MEs staff several feet away. He watched her as they talked about patterns to the break ins. His girlfriend? He'd actually called that tramp his girlfriend when he shot down Hawkes' theory about cops being the target. He inwardly cursed himself knowing that by morning it would be the talk of the station. That she would know, well she probably already had the idea from the woman gluing herself to him at the apartment. He didn't want her to find out like that.

----

He tried several times to find her in the lab, but she was never there. The next night there was another break in and he ended up in the lab the next day still hoping to talk to her. On one trip he ran into the person he least wanted to see at that moment. It didn't surprise him that Messer had already heard the story and ribbed him about it. He'd snapped at his friend a little, it wasn't the conversation he wanted to have, especially not in the middle of the lab. He continued walking to where Mac was waiting for an update on the case, the ID on their scalped victim.

They were about to part ways when he looked at the Crime lab boss, something wasn't right. He asked if he was alright, Mac lead them into his office and told him about the early morning phone calls and mystery which had been going on since he was in London. He hadn't seen the guy so worried in a long time, it wouldn't hurt to make a few enquiries.

----

Several hours later he was looking for Stella to confirm some details for the mayor's party, finally finding her in the locker room. He called out to her as he rounded the lockers and stopped. Stella wasn't alone, his blond goddess was there too. _When had he started thinking of her like that? He'd better not call her that to her face or she would slaughter him._ He wondered by the look on her face whether she had been avoiding him. Stella knew they needed some time, she diplomatically left them to talk, with a friendly warning that she needed them both at the party.

He watched her as she stared at the floor as she leaned on her locker. Silence hung between them like a deep chasm. When she looked up she still had the serious expression he had seen a couple of nights before. Her words cut deep. She questioned his devotion to their daughter. She was angry. The comment about him forgetting her in favour of his "new toy" hurt. He had been busy, he had wanted to see Amy, to see her, but he'd been working double shifts for weeks and this case had him working practically non stop. He tried to tell her it wasn't true, but that only seemed to increase her anger. She told him he needed to deal with being a father or hand over full custody and leave them alone. That was the last thing he wanted. He saw a flash of something in her eyes. She called him on the lack of visits, that she'd been left picking up the pieces, then she was gone.

Don sank down onto the bench and ran his hands across his face. When did life get so complicated again. Six months ago he let her walk out, put the breaks on any attempts at making a life together. But he still cared about her and something was upsetting her. He was sure that the lack of contact with Amy was only part of the issue.

---

She had arrived ahead of him and Stella at the party, after they had gone their separate ways he wandered around watching the guests carefully as the lights flickered above them all. The gambling tables drew his attention, then he saw her, standing at the roulette table. He swallowed hard as memories of another, happier night surfaced in his mind. The deep back exposing her lower back, right where he could- No. He had a girlfriend and she was still seeing that guy from Philly. As much as he wanted to he wouldn't do that. He slipped into the space at the table next to her. It was time to make amends. He practically whispered in her ear and felt her shudder, but she never moved. Her eyes darting around the room keeping watch as she hissed back. A moment later Stella's voice broke in through their earpieces.

She took the opportunity to move away. He watched her go, the graceful sway of her hips, remembering what it felt like to have her in his arms while they danced. He started comparing her to Devon, there was no real connection with her, he'd picked her up as a distraction at the Police/Fire hockey game after seeing Nikki with that Valens guy from Philly. He was mad that she was still with the guy who'd picked her up outside the lab several months before. The evenings they had spent together with Amy making no impression on her. He'd picked on Devon, because she was the nearest woman to him, hoping to make a quick show in front of Nikki to give her something to think about, but she never saw him. Now he was embroiled in a lifestyle he didn't like and didn't want. He wanted the one thing he couldn't have and that was eating away at him ever since she turned up at Devon's place a couple of nights before.

The stench of Devon's perfume reached him almost before she did. It wasn't subtle like hers, it was overpowering, he felt the muscles tighten in his jaw. He wanted to tell her to get lost, but he couldn't afford a scene. He almost gritted his teeth as she slipped her arm around him. He took Stella's cue, whispered in his ear, and promised the red-head something he never wanted to deliver. That he would make it up to her for their messed up dates. He grinned uncomfortably as she slipped away. As he looked around he knew she had seen the whole thing. He felt sick. He didn't have time to think about why what she saw should mean anything, but he did and he didn't want her to. Stella's voice in his ear sent him across the room and in pursuit of their key suspect. He never saw her again that night.

----

After dodging an attempt at running him down outside the venue he climbed into the passenger seat of Stella's SUV as they chased the getaway car through the city streets. His focus one hundred percent on the job. His phone in his hand as he gave a running commentary and issued instructions. He gripped the seat with one hand trying to maintain his balance as Stella threw the vehicle around corners and sped through the city streets. He silently vowed that next time he was out with Stella he was driving. At least when he drove his stomach wasn't flopping all over the place. He wondered for a second if his stomach would be as bad if it was Nikki driving. But it was a second, he had to focus on matters at hand.

He hadn't exactly expected the spy car to crash into the city barrier, but it was like Maud made no attempt to stop. He was almost out of the car before Stella stopped as Maud tried to escape. He was ready and he was quick and soon had her in custody.

As they left the scene he cast an eye at the mangled car and guessed there was now a little too much damage for it to fix itself.

Danny was on his way to pick it up for analysis. That would keep him and Lindsay amused for hours.

----

He had managed a few hours sleep after quizzing Maud and now he was back in interrogation with Stella and their other suspect. The one who had built the car and subsequently sabotaged it when he didn't get a cut of the robbery deal.

He knew she was in the observation room, that she likely heard what he said about third dates. He'd have to sort that out later, but first he needed to finish with the idiot in front of him.

He was disappointed to learn that her shift was over when he was done. That she had gone to meet Amy. Not that he could blame her for that, she was the constant in his daughter's life again right now. Stella saw him. He needed answers maybe she could give them to him. They sat in her office. He quizzed Stella about Nikki, if she was OK. He shared with Stella the uneasy feeling he had since seeing her at Devon's place a few nights earlier.

Stella tried the logical answer, but he had the feeling she was holding back, that she knew more about Nikki than he did at the moment. He confessed to having his head twisted by Devon, that what she wanted was not the same as he did.

"_Ever thought she's not the right girl for you."_

The question was so obvious and he already knew the answer, but deep down he was a wimp and he didn't know if he could take the scene she would throw if he dropped her.

Stella didn't just leave it there though, she pushed him further, talking about what he wanted to do for a date. Was there such a thing as an ideal date? Well maybe there was. He thought for a moment and the memory of a night spent with take out and old black and white movies with his blond goddess - _damn he really had to stop calling her that!_

But she didn't want him, she was with that other detective. She was happy. He'd live with her decision. So he was with Devon.

Stella really gave him something to think about when she told him to talk to her, start with Amy she had said. That Nikki hadn't known about Devon when she walked into her apartment a few nights before. She also pointed out that he had been watching her every chance he got since then. But the real kicker had been her parting words. Talk to her so they could work together or one would have to be transferred. She was right. But then when was Stella ever wrong?

He'd clocked a lot of extra hours that week, a word in his supervisors ear got him an early finish and two nights off the on-call rota. He planned to use them wisely. His first stop, to start to make amends with his daughter. Maybe then he could get her mother to talk to him.

-----

The kids were just starting to filter into the playground as he walked in the gate. He saw Nikki standing with a group of mothers, so he waited just inside the gate and watched as Amy started to go towards Nikki, then she suddenly change direction and start running in his direction. She dropped her bag a few feet away as she launched herself into his open arms. He picked her up and kissed her cheek as the wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. A bright smile on her face.

She wanted him to come home with them. He told her not yet. He offered to take her out soon, just a day for the two of them. That brightened her up. She accepted it with an air of disappointment. When he questioned her she told him what had been happening at home. She had been listening to her mother in tears and she didn't know what to do. She wanted him to make her smile again. After all to a five year old Daddy's can fix everything.

This one he wasn't so sure about, but to placate his daughter he needed to try. He promised to talk to her. He dropped the subject then as Nikki joined them picking up Amy's discarded bag along the way. He walked them across to her car and buckled Amy into her car seat with a kiss. Then he closed the door and turned to Nikki.

He apologised for not being around, that things were going to change. She accepted it for now. She didn't want a fight in front of their daughter. He asked her about the tears. When she discounted it he told her it wasn't her. She pushed back, told him it was none of his business basically. He sighed. He wanted to push, push as hard as he needed until she caved and told him her problems, but here was not the place. Somehow he needed to get her alone. It didn't strike him as being an easy prospect at this moment, she was still avoiding him. He promised they would talk soon. She threw that at him. She didn't need to know about Devon. He promised she didn't have to hear about that, but they still needed to talk.

Standing watching them drive away he thought about her this week. About the good times they had, he wasn't convinced this was the end. Even if it was, he reached one decision. Devon had to go, whatever scene she pulled, it would be worth it to be a free agent when he finally got to talk to the woman he really wanted to be with.

* * *

_Thank you to Lily Moonlight for the chats about some of this and to hope4sall for the review. _

_I'm trying to finish this before posting the next chapter of the new story (Beacons of Home) so more reviews will help get this up quicker as they encourage me while the muse is gone!_


	20. What's important? to Mask

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_Thanks to hope4sall & lily moonlight for reviews. Replies will follow later. Thanks to lily moonlight too for discussion._

**20. What's Important to Mask **

By the time he got home a few hours after leaving the school, he was feeling better. One problem had been solved and a lot quicker and easier than he expected. He had found Devon at home and he had left again thirty minutes later without her throwing a major fit at being dumped. He didn't tell her that he picked her up as a distraction, she didn't deserve that or to know that there was someone else in his life. She had been surprised when he mentioned his daughter and wanting to spend more time with her off the job and a relationship at the moment was preventing that along with his working hours. The look on her face told him she wasn't ready to deal with anyone who brought that kind of baggage, so they parted ways.

After leaving Devon's he had gone by the Y to catch up with some of the kids there. They had been managing without his input for the last few months too and he missed it. He stood on the sidelines and watched them shoot some hoops, offering tips on how to do it. By the time he left it was getting dark. A take out from the restaurant down the block from his place and a hot shower when he got in left him feeling pretty good with how things had gone. His day was better than it started. He checked the clock and risked making the call anyway, hoping it wasn't too late.

He could hear the exhaustion in her voice when she answered. When he asked if she was alright, he got the phone passed over to his daughter who apparently was still awake and refusing to go to sleep. He talked to her for a while and when he whispered goodnight she finally sounded sleepy. His hopes of talking to Nikki after were short-lived, when a quick word of thanks was followed by the dial tone as she hung up.

This avoidance had to stop. She was pissed with him about something and he was determined to find out what it was. He did think about trying to ring that detective Valens in Philadelphia see if he could tell him anything, but if she found out he went behind her back he'd never live it down. Stella had told him to talk to her. How could he if she wouldn't listen? He needed a pretty drastic plan to get her alone to give them some time. He was going to have to bend a few rules. He knew she was on call the following night, so she would have childcare covered for Amy, so that was his opportunity.

----

He paced the room as he waited for her to arrive, his hands were shaking at what he was doing. He hoped that the hoax 911 call he made from the payphone across the street couldn't be traced back to him. He had received the call himself just 30 minutes before, although he had talked himself out of the on-call rota for the night, he had to cover until 8pm. The timing was perfect. The details had been deliberately vague so as to keep her off guard. He heard a sound in the corridor and peeped out the spy hole. She had arrived, now to put his plan into action. He eased the door open and stepped up behind her greeting her casually as she questioned dispatch about the call out. She was clearly stunned to see him there and he easily took her phone from her and told the operator it was a hoax. Handing her phone back to her he invited her in.

She was suspicious, that much was obvious as she took in his casual attire. No jacket, tie discarded, sleeves rolled up. He knew she liked this look on him and he was taunting her. Things had gone far enough, now he was making a stand. The only problem was she didn't want to play. She was guarded and angry, not that she yelled at him. Well at least not yet. But that coiled spring in her wasn't far off exploding. She called him on breaking the rules for personal gain. Then she threw Devon at him, that he should be having dinner with her, rather than dragging her into whatever little scheme he was cooking up.

He told her that wasn't true, she was the only one he wanted to have dinner with. She was still resistant to his requests to enter the room. This wasn't going well. OK if she wanted hardball he could do that. He took her hand and told her he had things to say to her, and he didn't want to do it in the hallway.

She tried to leave, but he refused to let go of her hand. He stopped her. Here it was, the ultimatum they could eat in public in the restaurant but what he wanted to say he'd rather do in private.

It was enough, she finally agreed to listen. He watched as she stepped into the room and looked around. Actually it wasn't just any room he'd taken a big gamble and rented a suite, hoping that they would be able to make use of it to chill out and talk. He could have just had a room but he didn't want her feeling that he'd only dragged her there to get her into bed. At least this way they could sit on the couch or the balcony without any pressure. It was a neutral location.

Both waited uncomfortably for several minutes, neither sure what to say. He suddenly started losing his nerve, he had never had trouble talking to her before. He could almost feel the tension in the air. Finally she spoke first. She wasn't going to be part of a game, he had a girlfriend. He hung his head. He had gone over this moment so many times in his head, but he always got to this point and lost the plot, not really knowing how she would react, well maybe he did. She was furious and he knew it. He needed to diffuse the situation and fast before things got completely out of hand.

He told her he had dumped Devon, that this whole charade was for her. That nothing was working. He dared to ask if she was happy with her life at that moment.

The icy tone to her voice started seeping into him. Maybe what she said was true -

"_You know me better than anyone, but somehow when you piss me off you haven't got a clue! ... No I'm not happy. You've barely spoken to me in the last month, you've ignored Amy and you think you can drag me over here with dinner and candles and expect to talk, I'm not buying it!"_

Then things really escalated, soon they were yelling at each other, neither willing to back down as pent up feelings and frustrations exploded between them.

He wasn't even thinking when he threw the scene at the hockey game at her. More harsh words followed. He finally told her how he'd been wanting a life with her for the last five years. That he had wanted her to be ready. She turned to the door, she was going to run again and he threw that at her too.

She turned to face him, he felt the knot in his stomach clench as he saw the tears in her eyes and he wondered if he had pushed her too far. To know for sure that she had heard what he said to the guy in interrogation the day before opened his eyes, about girls and third dates, her words attached to it were equally damning, for most girls maybe, but not for her. The last thing on his mind at that point was getting her into bed, he just wanted her to know how much he cared about her, that she was the most important thing in his life.

There she went again. A mistake to have come back. He had to prove to her it wasn't and if she wouldn't listen he would show her. Maybe it was something he should have done a long time ago, but this time he needed her to know for sure how he felt. When she rejected his next question he didn't even think about what he was doing.

He grabbed her elbow and pulled her roughly towards him and before she could argue he sealed his lips on hers and wrapped his arms around her. His mouth crushed against hers as his tongue probed, seeking her to yield to him as he held her against him with the intensity of an erupting volcano. He felt her fighting, trying to push him off, but right now he didn't care, he never relinquished his hold on her, his lips were hot and hard almost animalistic against hers as he moved one hand from her back and cupping her head holding her close, his fingers grazing the soft spot at the back of her neck. Sure that she was not going to elude him he drew his hand across her back and slipped his fingers under her shirt until he could firmly press his hand against her bare skin, right at the spot on her lower back which he knew would send her wild under any other circumstances. He felt the pressure of her gun belt as he crushed her against him, refusing to let her go.

He knew he'd taken her by surprise and he knew he was risking everything, but this was the moment - it would be all or nothing. This was the moment that would define their future. She would either walk away with more than a few choice words or she would admit what they had toyed with for so long. He was scared that she would take the first option. The longer he held her and stopped her breaking them apart the longer it would be until she could make that move.

He grazed his fingers down the side of her face and neck, he vaguely heard her make some sound, he didn't care at this point if it was good or bad. He needed to convince her he loved her. The need for air became overwhelming and he reluctantly released her lips only to graze his lips down her neck as they both breathed heavily. He half expected her to start yelling, but she didn't. His mind began to clear. He had never done that to anyone before, been so overtaken with rage that he had forced someone to submit to him. He realised that this would probably be the nail in the coffin between them. She wouldn't stay if he reacted that way, then he felt her hands on his face and she made him look at her.

He took in her swollen lips, streaked mascara and pale blue eyes filled with tears. He sighed as his hands cupped her face too, holding her gaze on his. They stared at each other, neither sure how long, until he tilted his head forward and captured her lips again, this time softly, almost pleading, his tongue grazing her lips. He grazed his hands over her again resting where they were before one with his fingers teasing her neck the other on her lower back. He felt her tremble under his touch as she gasped. He slowly eased his hold on her and stepped back. He began to feel sick and didn't dare look at her, he tried to focus on the floor. He could hear her trying to catch her breath. He never looked at her, his voice barely audible as he apologised, sought her forgiveness. It was something he didn't expect and really didn't deserve. He mumbled at her. Unable to make incoherent thoughts into sentences. Silence descended. He waited for the sound of the door slamming as she walked out as he rested against the arm of the couch; half a room between them now. Nothing happened for a moment. He heard her move, but there was no door slamming. It took him a moment to realize that she was standing in front of him. He jumped when he felt her hands on him as she lifted his head to look at her. He looked up warily, his eyes flicked over her face. She seemed hesitant and nervous, but her eyes never left his, he felt a sense of anticipation and calm about her.

She was talking to him. Asking questions. He must have mumbled some incoherent answers as she finally opened up and told him what had been going on. He still worried that she would walk away, but finally he made his brain work, the sickness in his stomach lessened a little and it slowly filtered through that she had wanted him to fight for her all along, the times he willingly let her go because she had asked, underneath she hadn't really wanted to go but she was scared to stay. Maybe Danny had been right six months ago. He should have gone after her.

Taking her hands he drew her closer as he asked what happened next. She turned it back on him. Dinner. Yeah, that would be a start. They could talk. She questioned him again He could see the hesitancy in her eyes as she waited for him to give her an answer. Was dinner all he had in mind? Right then he didn't know, only that it would be a start, anything else would depend on her seeing that Valens guy. She told him it was over, nothing had ever happened. He must have given her a disbelieving look and almost choked when she had told him that he had spoiled her for other guys. That she couldn't handle it. He finally grinned at her as he raised his eyebrows at the statement. Yeah right, as if that were possible. She assured him it was, that she finally realised what she wanted only to find him with Devon. He assured her Devon was history. He asked about Amy and finding out she was with a friend asked Nikki about her plans for the evening. Her "nothing special" response made him think that maybe they could change all that. He loved the nervous smile which graced her face and her answer whispered seductively in his ear before he caught her lips for a more gentle but still toe curling kiss.

He wondered how long they would have remained locked together if her phone had stayed silent. Reluctantly he let her go as she moved to the bedroom to answer it. He was brought out of his moment of reverie as someone pounded on the door.

Hotel security? What the hell did they want? He did the only thing he could and opened the door to be faced with two burly officers, who immediately stepped into the room which forced him to step back away from them as he answered their damn fool questions. Her heels clicking across the floor drew their attention. He liked she had pulled her hair down from the pony tail it had been in before. He also noted her jacket and gun belt were gone. She looked relaxed.

She told him about her call as she came to his side and he ran a hand across her shoulders. He caught the security guard checking her out in more ways than one. He was relieved when a few minutes later, assured she was fine, they left.

On top of the way he had treated her in the last 30 minutes to have accusations of domestic abuse raised by security he wasn't sure how she would react. The amused smile granted him some relief. She really wasn't mad. Amusement definitely played across her face. He pulled her back into his arms as she questioned him about the security guard calling her "Mrs Flack." He had shrugged and told her he had no real answer as to why he had registered them that way, but he was pleased to hear she liked the title, before she headed out onto the balcony.

He stood with his hands on his hips and watched her for a minute as she leaned on the balcony rail, looking out over the city. His stomach was flipping again, only this time it wasn't what he had done that caused it. It was the three small words she had just whispered in his ear, words which finally told him that whenever he wanted to bring out that velvet box he had squirreled away it would be fine with her. Then if he followed her drift right, she would soon after also be wanting the partner for it that he had yet to buy.

He finally got his brain in gear and followed her onto the balcony, stopping behind her and sliding his arms around her waist, easing her back against him. She let her head fall back on his shoulder. Some time passed as they stood in comfortable silence and small conversations, each of them content in the other's company.

She asked about him taking a weekend off. He was a little sceptical. She pushed back, asking him to take the following weekend as vacation. He smirked at her as she twisted in his arms. The look on her face making his stomach flip flop again as she cajoled him into conceding to her request, however he managed a request of his own slipped in too. He asked her to stay the night. Her reply was a practical one. She hadn't come prepared. He rubbed his hand over his face, now he needed to confess his earlier actions. She may not have been prepared, but he was. He suggested she looked in the closet. He let the thought sink in without further comment and waited for a reaction from her. When she raised her eyes to him he just repeated his suggestion. She obviously realised he wasn't going to give anything else away so she followed his direction slowing pulling away from him and walking through the room. He watched her go as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

A few quick calls and he was satisfied things were running smoothly. Now to find out what she thought about the little surprise he had left in the closet. He stood at the door watching her stare inside it. He decided to announce his presence after a few minutes and noted she jumped when he spoke. He waited as she removed the gift box from the closet and shook it. He waited for her to open it, but she shook her head. Damn, she was being difficult. Threatening to take it home, wait 'til she was alone. He glared at her and crossed his arms over his chest as she asked if he wanted her to open it now. Of course he damn well wanted her to open it now. What was more important he wanted her wearing what was inside. But she was taunting him, making him wait. He watched as she set it down on the bed and threatened to dust it for prints! Damn woman, why did she have to be so stubborn? He sighed heavily as she stopped in the doorway on her way to retrieve her kit. He tried to keep the scowl on his face as she conceded sweetly. He growled playfully at her and she went back to the box. Then she stopped again. She was worse than a damn yoyo. This was going to stop. She was going to open the damned box now if it killed him. He sank onto the bed and pulled her into his lap then presented her with the box with encouraging kisses. He begged quietly against her lips for her open it for him. This time the magic seemed to work as she stood up and slowly lifted the lid. His eyes never left her, he wanted to see her reaction, the look on her face when she found the contents. He was starting to shake a little himself wondering if this move was too bold to quickly.

He hoped- well he didn't know what he hoped, he could barely breath as he watched her nervously reach into the box, a small gasp escaping her lips. He knew she was apprehensive, her fears from six months ago still haunted her, but to him it was one of her endearing qualities. Until she had laid it out for him that night in Stella's apartment, he really thought she had been in more relationships, not that she had slept around exactly, but that there had been more men than just him and Jason and he had no idea that she had never slept with Jason until their wedding night. In this day and age it was almost unheard of so when she told him he had been more than a little taken aback. Sure she could take his wiseass comments and give as good as she got, but when it came down to it underneath she was still innocent in certain bedroom matters, but he knew this time there was no quick answer, they would have to both be ready and he was looking forward to easing her fears and showing her a thing or two. One thing he was certain of, she would never walk away again, he'd learnt his lesson, he knew now what she never said to him that night in the park. She wanted him to talk her into staying, not giving her his blessing to leave. The next night at the crime scene, all the brother sister talk, she was trying to lead him, he should have known then she was scared to be direct, this time he knew to question all her motives, to push her boundaries a little at a time.

His attention turned back to her as she gasped his name, removing the garments from the box and holding them up, an envelope falling to the floor. He noticed the deep blush on her cheeks and smiled. He asked if she liked it, noting the involuntary jerk she made as she heard him speak. Things were changing, they were good, she was nervous, the colour in her cheeks spoke volumes. The gift making it clear where he wanted them to end up. He knew this time was different. This time was important to her. Everything was new again.

He waited for her to pick up the envelope which had dropped from the box and watched as she read his name on it. He could see her trembling as the envelope in her hand shook. He pushed himself off the bed and took her hands, his eyes intent on her. She was scared and nervous and excited at the same time. He hadn't seen her like that for a long time. Actually he wasn't sure if he had ever seen her like this. Something was going on and it all seemed good. He spoke softly as he reassured her about their relationship, that they would go at her pace. That she needed to want anything to happen. He grazed his fingers across her soft skin and pushed her hair from her eyes, resisting the urge to forget the letter, kiss her and do just about anything else which followed. He bit his tongue and suggested they should open the letter. Trust her to recognise it was for him from the department then threaten him with a federal offence for having her open it. That was a technicality. He wanted her to give him the results. He wanted her to see what he had been so busy working for, he hoped he'd done enough to scrape through.

He watched her pull the papers out and read them. The first a standard department letter. This was it, the second page. He wondered how much things would change when he knew those results. Good or bad, it was going to mean changes. A fail is what he expected, after all he was still quite young to try the exam, he hadn't had much time to study all the procedures and stuff, he'd barely managed to read all the books. A fail would mean having his ass chewed out by his supervisor for wasting scarce resources and having to make the choice over whether to go for it again next year or whether he'd be reassigned "to gain more experience". He wasn't sure he was ready for the answer, maybe he should just take it off her and tell her he didn't want to know, that he really wasn't ready. He opened his mouth, but she was still speaking, OK now she had thrown her arms around his neck. Instinctively he wrapped his around her and held tight. Y_eah right breathe, got to breathe, wait, she's yelling, is that good? Her perfume still smells good. Wait, what was that?_ _Congratulations? That's good right?_

He forced himself to listen, then mumbled some incoherent replies. She was excited. She stepped back. _No, don't do that, need you- Oh, she's looking, now ok she's turned around, she's holding up the letter. Really did pass. Not just scrape through, ... highest score, that's gotta be somebody having a dumb ass joke. Wake up, this can't be happening. She's explaining all the stuff that's happened lately, where I got stuck in all that Irish gang shit. Oh no, that - Tell her._

Finally with his head out of his ass he began putting it in perspective. He'd get moved now. There'd be a new job for him. Probably back in uniform. He wouldn't get to see her so much. Why is it she talked so much sense sometimes? He liked her argument for keeping him high profile. Wouldn't do his career harm either. He liked that she was so enthusiastic about everything. A one woman fan club? Yeah that was her, she had always supported his career choice. It was good to know she still did.

The knock on the door brought them back to the real world. It was time for dinner. He hoped she didn't get called in anytime soon.

He watched her with the flowers that were delivered along with dinner. He wasn't sure if she would appreciate them, it wasn't something he did often, but the look on her face made him think he might do it a little more frequently, especially when she least expected it. He had avoided roses this time, gone for a mixed bouquet of lilies, at the suggestion of the florist and he was glad he had taken her advice. She had a new favourite flower.

In the mild evening air they ate on the balcony content to pass the time in easy conversation. She didn't ask about Devon and he didn't ask about that detective from Philly. They had just finished eating and were deciding what to do next when it all ended suddenly with Mac calling to summon her to a major scene.

He had watched her retrieve her kit and other stuff before walking her to her car, where he wrapped his arms around her and gave her a goodbye kiss she wasn't going to forget anytime soon, along with a plea for her to come back when she was done with the case.

He spent the rest of the evening flicking the TV between the sports channels and actions movies wondering when she would return. She had managed a thirty second call around midnight to let him know things were bad and she was unlikely to make it back, so reluctantly he had dropped into bed alone. Not that sleep had come easily, but sometime around two o/clock he must have dropped off, only to find himself awake again at five to find her still not back. Unable to go back to sleep he resorted to crashing on the couch with a book to wait for her.

* * *

_Next chapter should be up soon, I've already started it._


	21. Breakfast to An Illustrious Future

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**21. Breakfast to An illustrious future**

He wasn't sure if the noises he heard were real or if he was dreaming. They were low almost like a hum in the background. The door clicked, then he opened his eyes only to find the autumn sun streaming through the window right into his face and he closed them again. He wasn't sure if the groan he heard was real or in his head. He finally thought it was in his head as he waited a few moments before trying to open his eyes again. He began to feel the tightness in his joints & muscles, so he slowly sat up and groaned, for real this time, trying to stretch his muscles and make them do what he wanted.

He was a little surprised to hear her voice, her English accent showing through as she spoke. He slowly opened his eyes again and found himself looking at her bare feet. He rubbed the back of his neck, still trying to ease out the kinks from sleeping on the couch, as he slowly raised his head and looked up at her. He hadn't expected her to be standing there looking like that. He grinned at her and muttered something about her outfit as he admired her body in the present he had given her the night before. The short silk nightdress and robe were a great colour on her, but he could see from the look on her face she was nervous, her words uncertain. He wished she was more confident. He told her she looked good, but she didn't seem convinced.

He had seen that look on her a number of times the night before and wondered why it had taken until now to recognize the signs, why the conversation at Stella's six months ago had seemed to hit him out of left field. He needed to reassure her, to give her confidence in their relationship, that this time was real and they were playing for keeps. He fought his way off the couch, still loosening his muscles and stood up before he reached out to her. He caught the fleeting look of anxiety in her eyes as he slid his hands down her arms and onto her hips, drawing her closer, his fingers brushing across the material more than was strictly necessary. With great restraint he avoided her lips and put his mouth to her ear. He murmured encouraging words before teasing her neck with kisses. The vice like grip she had of his arms told him she was trying to stay composed at the onslaught of sensations, OK maybe now was time to push things a little more. As easily as he started, he stopped, teasing her about breakfast in bed.

She didn't bite. He could tell she was tired. Working all night could do that to you. He hadn't moved, and all he wanted to do was keep his hands on her. He trailed his fingers down her neck and over her skin along the lapel of the gown, stopping when she shivered. She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He could feel her trembling. He wanted her to feel comfortable, but something was off, she was on edge, he just hoped that the way he had behaved, forcing her to react, the night before wasn't affecting how she felt and she was just tired. She moved away, out to the balcony where breakfast had been set up, leaving him feeling like a part of him was missing.

----

He lay staring at the ceiling, as she lay sleeping with her head on his chest and his arm around her. His mind wandered over what had happened since breakfast. What had started out as playful banter over the TV remote had ended up with him pushing her boundaries and them spending the last hour making out. She had finally confessed her fears, that she wouldn't be what he wanted, that she was too inexperienced. She'd also opened his eyes about the high school jock that she spent a lot of time with in their senior year. He had known the guy had a thing for her, but he never realised that it was all talk, that she had been coaching him with his English homework. The guy was an ass, putting out that they were an item. Now he realised why she was never out with him away from school. They may have been best friends but he was beginning to figure that he didn't really know her that well back then. But if this was going to be how he figured things out then maybe it wasn't so bad. It had been quite a while since he had been with someone with her innocence and nervousness, but it was something that only made him want her even more. It was a refreshing change from the women he normally dated, she may appear naïve, but he was certain that with the right encouragement she would gain confidence in the bedroom and they could have a lot of fun along the way.

Her confession that he had been the first boy to kiss her explained why that first kiss at Niagara all those years ago was so awkward, he had surprised her. There had been a subtle shift in their relationship, but they had stayed close, confiding in each other, but they never discussed who they were seeing, until he introduced her to Jason. He was their common link, sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he hadn't introduced them, if they would be here now.

He stroked his fingers up and down her arm as she slept peacefully curled against him. He planted a kiss on the top of her head, no intention of waking her or disturbing her, content just to lay with her and think about their life.

----

He must have dozed off because when he opened his eyes he was laying on his side facing her as she slept, still curled alongside him. He propped himself up on his elbow and reached over to trace his fingers down the side of her face, pushing a strand of hair over her shoulder. The clock on the table behind her showed they still had some time; he didn't want to rush, she could get called out at any moment but while her phone remained silent they could relax.

He thought back to the night before, he needed to talk to her about what happened. He never forced himself on a woman until that moment, the thought still made him feel sick. He was still surprised she had stayed, even more surprised she had returned for breakfast, after all she had been away from him, had time to think. He knew she felt as bad as he did over domestic abuse and rape cases, she had always vowed that she would walk away from any relationship where violence and force were used. He didn't want her walking away, but he was scared that if things got tough and they fought again he might really hurt her next time. He'd heard the stories about how other cops had gone home and beat up their wives or girlfriends, stressing over their jobs. Was this the beginning of the same for him? He didn't want that and right now laying watching her sleep he couldn't imagine anything bad, but the fear remained.

He watched as her eyes opened and her lips smiled at him, a slight flush colouring her cheeks as she realised he had been watching her. He brushed his fingers across her bangs and settled his hand in her hair at the back of her neck easing her towards him before kissing her tenderly. He really wanted her to know how sorry he was for the night before, that he loved her and wanted her. He felt her move closer and her arm wrap around his neck holding him close. Releasing her lips he traced his down her neck to the spot beneath her ear as his hands caressed her body. He was disappointed when she stopped him and lifted his head to look at her.

She could tell something bugged him. He didn't want to confess his fears, he just wanted to show her how gentle he could be. She cupped his face, keeping his eyes on hers. He could see the confusion and concern. His eyes watered. He didn't deserve this, she should have walked away, stopped things before they could get worse. She had brushed away the tears which began to fall. He pushed himself away and lay on his back with arm over his eyes. Silence hung between them. He felt the bed move, he couldn't blame her. It was what he deserved, her to finally walk away. He didn't look as he felt the covers move and he felt her body slide against his. A hand pried his arm from his eyes and he looked into hers, she had propped herself against him.

"I'm not running this time. .... I know last night wasn't you, I pushed you to it, we're both at fault. ... You're not those other cops Don, I know I can trust you. The thought that you could hurt me is scaring you, and it should, but not because of last night. I'm never going to hold last night over you. If it hadn't happened I may well have walked out and run. You stopped me. You showed me that we still have a chance."

He watched her for a moment. "Forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive. .... Now what do you say to teaching me another lesson?" She grinned at him.

He stared at her, that pink tinge gracing her cheeks again, an anxious smile on her lips and a spark in her eyes. He liked that look on her. He hoped he would get to see it a lot more. He half nodded as he grinned back, raising his hand slowly to caress her face, drawing her closer until their lips met again.

----

The rest of the day had been spent making out and talking, until duty called and they found themselves on opposite sides of the city. He had an injured jogger on his way to hospital with a nasty head injury and an uncertain future. So for now he was looking at an attempted murder. That's how the call had come in and he found himself waiting for Danny in Central Park. He had hoped Hawkes would be assigned, at least that way there would be less questions, but it was not his lucky day. He knew Danny would press his buttons about Devon, a subject he no longer wanted to discuss. She was history. He was just glad that he never slept with her. She had been convenient when he was pissed off at Nikki, but she wasn't really his type, none of the women he had dated were his type. There was only one who fit that category and finally she was accepting that fact, but it wasn't something they were ready to share yet. She needed sometime to settle into their relationship again, he wanted her to do that without any pressure, without everyone asking her questions. For now he would take the heat and let the team think whatever they wanted, as long as it left her out of the picture.

Finally Danny arrived. He greeted him with a bright remark. Trust Danny to pick up the better mood he was in and immediately think it had something to do with getting into some woman's pants. OK so it did, but it was so much more than that.

He wasn't going to share how good today had started. Yeah, Devon had to feature. Just let Messer think that, what about work? He tried to bring them back to the subject at hand. Danny bought it for a moment before turning to him again. He knew that his friend would find a way to talk about Nikki. It had been a bit of a surprise to find her back working in New York during that damned spy case.

He remained non committal about where his life was heading, letting Danny assume that Devon was still around and he had yet to make peace with Nikki. Knowing that there was little chance of Danny not pursuing things like an old woman he made the decision to go to the hospital to try and question their victim.

He only hoped that she was being left alone to do her job.

----

It wasn't to be his day. A few hours later he was with Danny at another case, this time at the docks. They were waiting for another CSI that Mac was sending out to join them. Conversation started over another case where Mac and Stella had to scrape a guy from between two containers. Then SHE appeared. He raised his eyes at her briefly over Danny's head and received a nervous smile in response. He took in her overalls and other protective gear as she stopped in front of them. She kept her eyes away from him and stayed focused on the job.

There was no chance to speak directly, he just gave her a grimace as she prepared to enter the container to assess their DBs. He thought he caught a flash of pink as she raised her mask over her face.

He smiled to himself at the thought that he was causing that reaction in her after knowing her for so long. It was surprising that she was reacting like she was back in high school under the scrutiny of the football team. Nervous and embarrassed with the attention he had been the one she grumbled to as they walked home from school. Now he was the one causing that reaction. He kind of liked it on her, knowing that it was a whole lot more going on underneath. That now she had realised how hard she had fallen for him. He was just waiting for her to openly admit it. He just needed to hear those three words to make everything worthwhile. To know that this time there was no going back. This time was different.

He didn't see much of her or Danny after that. They spent hours processing the container while he interviewed the dock workers and gathered the CCTV footage for analysis.

----

He had dropped the CCTV stuff with Adam and was on his way back to his desk when he saw her. It was about 3 am and she was making coffee in the break room. She was pulling another all night case and it was probably the last chance he would get to see her for a while so he slipped into the room and stopped as near to her as he dared in full view of the lab. He knew he had startled her, but with a slight amused grin he reached over her head and taken another mug from the cupboard and set it next to the others she already had out. The scent of lemons reached him and he noticed her still damp hair. Lemon suited her, but she only smelt like that when she had been processing a really bad scene. Hold on, when had he started to notice that? He saw her hand shake as she reached for the coffee pot. He stopped her and poured three coffees. Then she spoke. He was making her nervous, he knew it, he also knew that she was very aware of their exposed position, of the talk that would ensue if they were seen, but he didn't care at this point. He just wanted to wrap his arms around her and feel her lips on his. He believed she wanted it too, but she wasn't going to give in. She dodged away from him and sat at one of the tables.

He taunted her with talks of a secret assignation in a supply closet - just as Danny breezed in. He hoped that he hadn't heard what had just gone down. It appeared not as Danny asked about his presence in the lab, she took the opportunity to escape and go back to work. He couldn't blame her. Danny took the seat she had just left and looked determined to get answers.

It was going to be tough keeping a secret from the team. After all they were good at getting to the truth. Danny seemed curious about whether he was planning to hook up with Nikki again. He fobbed him off with mention of Devon before giving him the details on the victim from the park and quickly making his escape, leaving his friend with the impression that Devon was still the girl in his life. He hoped it would take the heat off for a little while.

----

He'd spent the rest of the night at his desk filling out paperwork on all his recent cases. He had a sense of fulfilment that for once in a very long time he had a clear desk. Probably quite a good thing now that the results were out for the sergeant's exam. He looked around and ran his hand across his face. Things were going to change now, he would be leaving this run down hell hole, probably be facing a uniform job somewhere out in one of the boroughs. It wasn't what he really wanted, but that was the price of progression, if he had any hopes of following his father's example he had to do it. He was expected to do it. Now the results had sunk in he began to realise that things were going to be different. A lot different.

He looked up, he had been summoned to the corner office. He hoped it wouldn't take long, his time was up and he was ready to go home. Well go somewhere, he wasn't sure how long before she would finish and where they would go. He wandered through the half empty squad room to his supervisors office. He was a little surprised when he was asked to take a seat. His supervisor was a decent sort, he'd done his share of exams and shitty jobs, now here he was a Lieutenant of Homicide spending most of his time chained to a desk with personnel issues. You had to feel a little sorry for him. He didn't get to do much real police work anymore. That's one thing he hoped would change in future. That he could still keep in touch with what happened out on the streets, that he wouldn't lose that to save political face as so many of the brass seemed to do.

He felt like the air had been sucked out of him as he left the office the piece of paper handed over by his lieutenant clutched in his hand. He wasn't destined for some crappy backwater, she had been right, he was wanted by some of the top units in the city and they had given him the choice and 24 hours to make it. As he walked through the door he saw her across the room holding a conversation with Angell, he wanted to go to her, show her the letter and ask her opinion, but to do that would announce to some of the worst gossip mongers in the building what they were carefully trying to protect. Now he had two secrets. He sat down heavily in his chair and slid the paper into his jacket pocket and tried to turn his attention to the few scattered files which were left on his desk.

He knew she was watching, he wondered what she would do when she had finished her conversation. It wasn't really a surprise that she had slipped away without him noticing. Angell was leaning against her desk watching him as he looked up. He sighed when she walked over. Although maybe she had answers. Her dad was in town, an ex NYPD officer himself. He needed to talk to someone with experience and he knew what his old man would say, but he needed objective views. Angell was a little sceptical at his request, but she agreed to setting up a meeting.

---

After leaving detective sergeant Angell he headed home, making another call along the way. Both conversations served him well and he had one more person to discuss things with, but he thought he had made his decision. He wasn't sure if his father would agree with his choice, but it was his career and it didn't matter how big a legend his father was, Don Flack jnr was his own person and would make his own decisions after careful consideration of his options.

Arriving at her house, he let himself in with the keys he still held. He noted the silence and assumed she had already gone to bed, so he discarded his jacket over the back of the chair and headed for the kitchen. He poured a glass of water and drank half of it before discarding the rest. Returning to the lounge he was about to reach for the remote to watch TV a bit when he noticed her, asleep on the couch. He changed his mind about the TV and went to the side of the couch and went to pick her up to take her upstairs, but having eased the blanket off her he stopped. She was wearing the nightdress and gown he had given her two nights before. His eyes strayed over her and grinned. Taking a breath he slipped his arms under her and lifted her up. She stirred. With quiet words in her ear he hoped she would go back to sleep, but as he carried her to bed she slowly woke up. She knew something was on his mind and she asked him about it.

He needed a little more time, to think things through again for himself, he guessed what she would say, and deep down he knew she would probably be right. After all she had told him that he was too valuable to send to some uniform job out of the way. The offers made that morning had seemed to bear that out. Only one of the three jobs on the table involved uniform, but not in some quiet backwater precinct. He watched as she got off the bed where he had just deposited her and walked towards him. The conversation could wait. Now all he wanted was to feel her in his arms and his lips on her skin. He'd missed holding a decent conversation with her last night while they worked, but most of all he missed the closeness they'd developed since she arrived at the hotel a couple of days before. He ran his hands over her gown, making sure she felt every movement, before capturing her lips, she wrapped her arms around his neck for a moment until he slowly let her go. She trailed her hands down his chest before finally moving her fingers to his tie, gently sliding the knot in shaking hands as she watched the look on his face. He wasn't sure if the question was for real or a ploy to make him react, but he did react. Stopping her from walking away by stepping in front of her and catching her arm. He established they had some time before she needed to collect Amy and he was due back on duty. He definitely had a few ideas about how to spend their day, starting with relieving the ache he'd had all night with having to keep his hands off her. He ran his hand over her hip onto her back and drew her closer, his other hand pushed into her hair, cradling her head as he lowered his lips to meet hers. After a moment he pulled back and noted her flushed cheeks. He mumbled something about her wearing to many clothes as he leaned in to kiss her again while his hands moved to divest her of the robe, just as he had done before. She sighed as his lips met hers in a rather more passionate duel.

----

He watched her as he walked around the car outside the house in Queens. He reached for her hand as they went down the path to collect their daughter. It was their first show of affection in public for months, it felt good to have her hand in his. She didn't pull back when her friend opened the door and greeted them, although she did let go as they stepped inside the house and waited the moment or two for the two little girls to appear. He watched his daughter throw herself at her mother and get picked up and hugged. He smiled at the child and saw her face light up when Nikki turned her around. He couldn't refuse her outstretched arms and he easily took her from her mother. Sarah was a gracious hostess, offering tea, but they declined to head back to the city. Their journey full of the joys of Amy talking about her weekend sleepover and incessant questions about when she would see him again and if he would take her to Macdonald's.

His girls dropped him at the precinct shortly before his shift. It was going to be a long two days. He was working nights and she was back on days. They might see each other around shift change, but that would be it until his day off on Tuesday when they planned for him to finally move into the house. They were keeping it a surprise for Amy but he was already quite excited about having that family life he had dreamed about since she first came back to the city. Having to walk away from her was one of the hardest things he ever did, but he took the risk they wouldn't be seen as he kissed her goodbye.

----

He felt really good as he sat down at his desk, but his peace was soon shattered when Angell mentioned his sister had called. It had been months since the last time, she had been in LA then asking him to send her money to get out of some jam or other. Of course he obliged. She was his sister after all and the rest of the family had pretty much cut her off. His father didn't want anything to do with her hell raising activities and their brother was too caught up in his own life to worry what the baby of the family was doing. Don had been close to her when they were teenagers, even Nikki had become friends with her. But since he had left home the wild nights sneaking out of the house had only got worse when Sam was the last of the Flack children to live at home. He would call her, but not now, he had other priorities, his ringing phone summoning him to a new crime scene.

---

He was sitting at his desk the following morning for the weekly Captain's briefing and noted that she walked in with Mac and they talked briefly to one of the other guys before stepping back as the Captain appeared to give his usual weekly messages and reminders. The guys were getting restless as the Captain stated he had one final announcement looking straight at him. This was the attention he didn't want. He knew her eyes were on him too now. Interest had been caught and everyone fell silent. No one in the room had known he was even taking the exam, so it came as a surprise when it was announced that he was going to take on new responsibilities. He didn't like being centre of attention and certainly not when others were gloating over his achievements. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks. After the Captain left all he wanted to do was disappear and spend a couple of minutes with the blonde goddess across the room. Damn, he hadn't thought of her like that all weekend, so why now again? He absently accepted the congratulations and handshakes from those who passed his desk. He knew she was deliberately holding back, but was pleasantly surprised when she finally headed in his direction. Trust her to ask the practical questions. Yeah, now he would definitely need to tell his father and his other best friend about his illustrious future as a detective sergeant; if they heard it from gossip they would surely rip him a new one for not 'fessing up.

The noise of the swing doors behind him being thrown open had him on his feet in seconds, his gun in his hand as he stepped between her and the door as the naked guy practically collapsed at his feet. Mac approached and caught the guys final words as the squad room became a crime scene. He caught the case and now faced a double shift. The good news? She got to go with him to find another dead guy. One who their first victim claimed to have killed, in the future. That was just weird.

* * *

_The muse has partially returned so I hope to have another chapter up soon._


	22. Time to Family

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**22. Time to Family**

They covered the first half the journey to their suspected victim's apartment in silence. He was concentrating on the morning traffic. Just having her in the car with him was calming. Pulling up at a red light he looked at her. He was glad that she had made it to the squad room for the announcement and tried to tell her so, except that she talked about the naked dead guy instead. She was taunting him and he knew it. His insecurities surfaced again and he asked her about taking the job in homicide. He knew she was right about the other jobs, he would hate them. SWAT as she said spent too much time sitting around while Narco would want him undercover. He couldn't stomach either option, so he was staying with homicide and taking on more responsibility. It was more than a little scary to know that in just over a month he would be supervisor to some of the guys he was currently working with. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he almost missed what she said. He braked hard as they drove up to the apartment block, but then eased the car into the parking bay and turned to look at her. He really wished that right then they were somewhere else. He hoped she would tell him again, just to prove that he wasn't hearing things.

She looked calm and confident as she sat for a moment with him, teasing him about being good at his job. She was losing some of that nervousness she'd had all weekend. He didn't want them to move, but moving was made all the better when she repeated the three words he needed to hear her say. She had said she loved him!

----

With backup assembled they made their way through the apartment. He could hear the shower running and assumed that there was going to be a body in the tub as no-one responded to their calls, so he had no qualms about drawing back the shower curtain. Woah! That he wasn't expecting, the guy was taking a shower! For real, lucky there was a towel handy. As he was leading Kevin Murray from the bathroom he caught the amused look on her face as she excused herself. This was one of those moments she was going to use against him one day. He just knew it. Two naked guys in an hour, that had to be some kind of record.

Their ride back was in silence with their live victim sitting in the back of the car. When he failed to identify the dead guy still laying on the squad room floor Mac hauled him into an interrogation room and they fired questions at him, with no useful information emerging they let him go with a warning. He took the opportunity to pull her aside for a few minutes, pulling her into an empty interrogation room. Their shift rotation sucked. But it would only be for a few more days. He took the risk that their few minutes alone wouldn't be discovered as he pulled her close and kissed her. He was escaping for a few hours sleep until they dug up anything more on the case, but she was staying, she had work to do. He watched with an amused grin as she slipped away.

----

He was glad of the few hours sleep when Danny arrived at his desk that evening, firing all those damned questions at him. Digging for information on his latest flame, who everyone still assumed was Devon. He started out with the big announcement, but even that didn't escape having his girlfriend's name dropped into the conversation. While his stomach was tied in knots he fought to keep a neutral look on his face as Danny talked about the suspected new man in Nikki's life. Don assured his friend all was good with her. He tried deflecting attention away from his love life onto Danny's case, that had to be worth some discussion. Death by orgasm, that was kinky, especially when done Harry met Sally style in the middle of a New York diner. He was relieved when Danny was called away to follow up a lead on said case. Things were only going to get tougher now. He turned back to the pile of files as Danny and Angell left, but he had only one thing on his mind. Grabbing his cell-phone and jacket he headed out of the squad room, calling her as he went. It would be too dangerous heading to the lab, but that didn't meant he couldn't call, just hearing her voice would brighten up what was going to be a long night.

----

He hadn't seen her since those few snatched moments after speaking to Kevin Murray. The few hours he managed to sleep were while she was working, and he was working when she was off. He prayed they could somehow match their shifts a little better. It was late on Tuesday when he was finishing up yet more paperwork at his desk. He couldn't go home yet, she had the girls around and he had promised to wait for the all clear. He was tired and he missed her, so he thought about busting up their girl's night and just going home. Home, it was strange, he'd finally moved in, not that it took much, just a few boxes of personal stuff from his apartment. He left the furniture until they decided what to do with the apartment, but it was strange to think after four years that it would no longer be his place. He wanted to see his girls. He couldn't wait any longer and decided to check on how things were going. He was a little taken aback when Stella answered the phone. He came up with some lame ass excuse about school dates for Amy. Truth was he already had them in his calendar, the really important ones noted and booked as vacation to ensure he got time off, before being sergeant took up all his time.

Hearing her voice he could tell that she wanted out of the evening as much as he did, but she ticked him off about wasting official resources. He'd got away with it once, she wouldn't let him break the rules again. He didn't want her to hang up, but if he kept her longer she would have a real hard time explaining herself. If the team were to find out about them he would rather it was on their own terms. He had a plan in mind, but he needed to talk to her first. He unlocked his desk drawer and took out the velvet box tucked away inside. Sitting it on his desk he thought about how she would react the next time he presented it to her. He needed the perfect opportunity, but when eluded him for the moment. He didn't want to wait and run the risk that she would escape again, but at the same time he didn't want to pressure her into something she wasn't ready for. It needed to be the right moment. So he just had to be prepared, if that meant carrying around a six grand engagement ring waiting for the right moment then so be it.

He tried to turn his attention back to the paperwork in front of him, but concentration eluded him and the velvet box kept drawing his attention. He leaned back in his chair and stared at the photo on his desk. The phone ringing startled him but he smiled when he realised she had called to tell him the coast was clear. He could finally go home. After stacking the files neatly on his desk he stood up, switched off his computer, grabbed his jacket and the velvet box and headed for the door. He played things cool when he ran into Stella, Danny and Lindsay outside on his way to the car and smirked at Messer's groan thinking about another girl's night. Only next time he was sure he would legitimately have grounds for breaking it up.

----

He watched her working in the kitchen for a few minutes, he wasn't sure if she knew he was there, but he couldn't resist playing voyeur, noting the fit of her clothes which set her figure off to perfection. Her hair was swept up off her neck leaving it exposed and taunting him. He had long ago learned that it was one of her sensitive spots and he loved to tease her with it. When she had finished the task at hand he took the few steps towards her and wrapped his arms around her pulling her against him and starting his attack on her neck. She moulded herself to him, but at the same time casually taunted him with talk of a jealous boyfriend. He decided to play along to see where it took them. She seemed relaxed and comfortable and it was all worthwhile when moments later, she wrapped her arms around his neck and talked of him corrupting her. Corrupting? Hmm maybe that was true, but it sure was worth it when she turned on the charm for him, kind of like she was doing now. The way she let her fingers trail up his neck into his hair, the mysterious look in her eyes as she held his. This time there were no nerves, no capitulation, she was in control and was ready to rise to the challenge he was setting and to him that was something he had only felt from her on a few rare occasions. Tonight was going to be a good night he decided as their lips met.

----

He hadn't been wrong, there may have been a few hiccups along the way, like Danny calling him about meeting for hoops as he was undressing her and pushing her boundaries against the kitchen wall. The intensity of the moment gone they had headed for the bedroom when he had seized her again trapping her against their bedroom door, only to have Amy wake up for another drink. As he dealt with their daughter, she had prepared for bed, he was unprepared for what met him on his return, but finding her wearing only a bed sheet really set the tone for the next few hours.

----

Pushing her boundaries was something which came up again the minute he walked into work the next day. Messer had this hair-brained scheme to use her to go undercover after the suspects in his case. There was no way he was going to miss this, he couldn't wait for Danny to be at the receiving end of sharp words from her as she dumped him on his ass. She would never go for the plan, but he played along, just so he could get close to the action. Danny had asked about getting copies of Jason's death certificate. That was easy, Don knew where she kept all her personal papers, he promised he'd deliver.

Deliver he did about an hour later outside the courthouse where she was waiting to testify. He hadn't seen her since breakfast and he suddenly got cold feet. If he was to see her now, with Danny their game would be up, Messer would spot in a heartbeat what had been going on. Instead he handed over the folder of papers and left him to meet her alone.

He watched Danny head into the building and began pacing outside, he paused every so often and fingered the velvet box which had become a permanent fixture in his pocket. If she surprised them and accepted the hair-brained scheme, that would kind of put a kink in his plans. He really hoped he knew what her answer would be. Luckily he didn't have to wait long, he saw her bounding down the steps towards him an irritated look on her face while firing questions at him. He played it cool, or tried to, she challenged their decision to make this case with Danny rather than him. He snapped at her. He wanted it to be them, to be doing this for real, but he was scared that she would run again if he suggested it. He tried to avoid pushing those buttons, giving her lame, half-ass answers. Then she threw in one question there was no getting around. He wiped a hand over his face and admitted that if they walked into the license bureau to set up their cover for the case it wouldn't just be a cover, he wouldn't be backing down after.

The expression which crossed her face was unreadable and she never had a chance to reply before Danny caught up with them, pressing for them to go. She dug her heels in questioning whether her and Danny knew each other well enough. This was it, this was where Messer was going to get royally dumped on his ass as she told him to stuff it. Except she didn't exactly do that. She ignored Danny and turned to him and in no uncertain terms stated that she would do it if he did. He wondered if she had heard what he said a few minutes before. He raised his eyes to her questioning the sanity of that option, asking if she was sure. Her confident reply almost dragged his breath out of him. He needed to talk to her alone and fast, he needed to be sure she knew what this meant. They would be applying for a marriage license and he intended to use it within the next 60 days. He grabbed the folder from where it rested under Danny's arm and at the same time dismissed his friend. This was one appointment they were going to have alone. He took no notice of Messer's puzzled expression as he took her hand and led her up the steps back into the courthouse as they headed for the license bureau.

----

He sat watching her complete the application, quickly writing in the first boxes. She must have known he was watching her as she looked up. There was hesitation and sadness in her eyes. She questioned if this was the only way forward for the case. That the application never committed them to anything. He thought she was going to back off again. As he signed his name he knew what she was thinking. Six years ago she had been here doing the same thing with the guy who was supposed to be the love of her life, who she would be with forever, within 3 months that life had been destroyed with a terrorist attack on the city. He took her hand and ran his thumb over it gently. He laid it out, things had moved fast and it hadn't even been a week, but this is what he wanted with her and that this for him was the real thing, he didn't want to rush her but he did want to use that paper. The moment of truth arrived. Their number was called. He stood up slowly and held out a hand to her inviting her to take that step. When she placed her hand in his, tentatively and nervously, he knew she wasn't going to run. At least not then. The smile however spoke volumes. He hoped the tears shining in them were good. Nothing was going to spoil this moment. She was with him, she knew what he wanted, plain and simple. In less than 60 days she was going to be his wife. No one was going to wipe that grin off his face.

-----

Leaving the courthouse he wasn't ready to head back to the lab. He tucked the paper into his pocket and reached for her hand, tugging her gently towards South Street Seaport. He knew she loved the place. He figured they had some time and he wanted to be really sure he understood her before facing the team. After all if she was serious their secret was about to come out. They needed a plan. After wandering the cobbled streets for a while he found them a quiet spot overlooking the river. It was getting dark and the light were beginning to shine. Finally the silence was broken, she picked up the same thoughts. She was right that Danny would think it had been a set up. He watched the lights dance in her eyes and realised that this was almost the perfect moment. He had been right to bring her here. The phone call he had made while she had stopped to talk to the DA had been the right thing. He looked around and took her hand, he started to tell her that he hadn't set them up, that he hadn't planned it like that. She was listening to him. Waiting for him to speak. He ushered her up the gangplank to one of the ships moored nearby. He caught her suspicious look as the security guard merely waved to him and let them board, even though they had officially closed an hour before.

He could smell her spicy shampoo as he trapped her between him and the railings while they stared out to the Brooklyn Bridge. He murmured things in her ear, things which later he would never remember. This was the moment he had dreamed of for a long time. A moment he often wondered if it would ever happen. She would have to bring up the dead body on the bridge. If he let her speak the moment would be gone He told her to forget the dead bodies and pay attention. This was the moment that would really define their future. If she accepted him now there would be no more running. There would be a future, one worth the fight against crime, one that he would fight to the death to defend. Now he understood a little of how his father was. In their line of work everything could vanish in an instant and he didn't want to wait anymore and miss the good things that could happen before then. He turned her around to face him and took her hand, holding it palm up as he looked in her eyes wondering if she knew what was going through his mind.

He eased his other hand from his pocket and placed the velvet box in her hand and speaking from the heart he finally got the words out. Telling her he wanted forever - with her. He'd expected an instant response, but nothing came. He hadn't been prepared for that. They stood for a moment their eyes locked on each other. A few tears trickled down her face. He wiped them away. He could feel the nerves taking a strangle hold on his stomach the longer they stood there and she stayed silent. He was about to repeat himself, thinking she hadn't heard, but she stopped him, her voice barely above a whisper. The silence was agony he couldn't wait, he told her anything just so they wouldn't have to hang in that moment waiting for her to answer him. For a moment he was frightened that she was going to walk away, that didn't ease his nerves and he got defensive asking if the words she had uttered days before were for real or some twisted game. He realised though that if he didn't shut up she could never answer.

He watched the tears cloud her eyes and spill down her cheeks. He wasn't sure this time if he could stand her pulling back. He cupped her tear strewn face in his hands. He could feel the tension in her. He grazed his thumbs across her cheek wiping her tears away. Her eyes flicked across his face and down his chest, then returned to his face.

She curled her fingers round the box in her hand and stepped forward. Don never took his eyes off her, but he let his hands glide down her arms onto her hips. She rested her hands on his chest for a moment, then rose onto her tip toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself against him. She put her mouth against his ear.

Those four small words and her strong hold around his neck forced him to struggle for air as his fears fought to escape him. He was sure now there would be no running away, she was finally ready to start again. He had to try and focus, she started to speak as she pulled back a little to let him breath. _What was she saying? Oh yeah, down on one knee. Shit, she was a traditional girl and he missed that important step. _He offered now, starting to kneel in front of her, but she stopped him, making him look at her and their lips met.

Drawing back for air minutes later she held up the box, taking it from her he removed the ring which she still hadn't seen and slipped it on her finger as he promised her forever. Further discussion stopped as their lips met again.

He must have groaned when the incessant beeping of his phone finally drew their attention and he answered it to hear his wayward sister moaning on the other end. Any romantic notions he'd had immediately banished as he turned to deal with the thorn in his life as she demanded his attention. He pushed back, just about the first time ever he had done, but he was not about to deal with her shit tonight. He was going to spend time with his girls. His fiancée and his daughter. Fiancée? It was a strange word, he never really liked it, wife sounded much better.

The spell broken it was time to head back to the real world and face the music. They may have been able to hide their relationship so far, but there was no way that Bonasera was going to miss the rock on his girl's finger.

----

He knew they had to face the music when Mac summoned them to his office the moment they arrived in the lab. First he questioned them about the wedding planner case and if they were OK with Danny's plan. With a few muttered assurances Mac nodded, then asked the question they knew would be raised. Were they OK for regular cases?

Yeah, well about that. This was harder than he expected. He could feel her nerves as she sat in front of her boss and confess where things had gone between them. Future cases? There were rules, they may be working their last case together. Finally he told Mac they had something to say but only wanted it said once. The older man nodded almost knowingly and allowed them to escape to gather the team.

As Nikki headed back to her office to stow her personal documents again and round up the lab staff he headed into the break room to face Danny and Stella. He remained non committal about what had been going on. As the room began to fill and Mac arrived the questions began about the impromptu gathering, by which time he had edged to the door. With some comment about finding his fiancée he escaped leaving them to speculate on his words. Truth was he would rather this all blew over quickly and quietly so they could just get on with their life and their jobs, but with Stella and Danny that was not likely to happen. He walked into her office as she turned to leave. His arms wrapping around her to hold her upright as they collided. He was relieved to see her eyes clear and sparkling, her lips bearing the slight hint of a new application of gloss, which begged to be kissed. He raised his eyes at her and grinned before lowering his head and capturing her lips, he could never get enough of this. He hoped she had no plans after Amy went to bed, because he sure did. He felt her shift in his arms and then her fingers brushed his lips removing the traces of gloss he had gained. Her eyes holding his, finally shining back at him, ready for their future. Reluctantly he took her hand and led her down the hallway to face the team.

-----

As expected they got the third degree and he hated walking away from her to take another call from his screw up of a sister, but the best bit about that was her finding her way out to him. Tonight Sam was not going to upset things, that was for another day. One question that was going to be harder to avoid was the ring. He knew she'd challenge him on it. It had cost nearly six grand and she would know it. She also knew that from his salary there would be little chance of him affording it. What she didn't know about was the inheritance he had received nearly ten years before. One for which he hadn't spent a dime until a year ago when he used some of it to buy that ring, staying true to the promise he had made to a dying man. One day he would tell her, but not yet. It would bring back too many memories for her tonight. Memories which for the moment deserved to remain that way, so he never answered her last question.

----

He dropped into the chair at his desk at lunchtime the next day. Between an early call out and a less than successful visit to his sister he was tired. Angell tried to make small talk but quickly gave up when she saw his fiancée arrive. He felt her warm hand squeeze his shoulder and smelt the fresh spicy smell of her hair which tickled his face as she dropped a kiss on top of his head. Just as quickly the sensations were gone as she sat down in the chair at the side of his desk, putting distance between them. He half grinned at the display, it was the first time in public she had initiated anything and to do it in the middle of a squad room full of detectives and their criminals was quite a step. He knew she would ask about Sam. He didn't really want to go over it, but she deserved to know some of what went down at least. He was grateful she suggested getting away for lunch. Their conversation revolved around family, her mother taking care of a sick brother in Miami, his sister and how his family were cutting her off. They touched on the conversation they were going to have over dinner as they told his parents about their engagement. He just hoped his mother would reign in the talk of wedding plans and just accept that they were really together. Although that seemed a rather forlorn hope as she had long been convinced they were the real deal. Hell Nikki had practically been a member of the family since their first fateful meeting. Maybe eloping wouldn't be such a bad idea. He felt his mood lighten as they discussed the possibility. She couldn't handle the whole white dress and church affair this time, he could live with it just being the two of them. He just wondered what it would take to set up.

-----

They spent the afternoon going over the case details with Danny, although he wasn't sure how much he'd remember as he kept watching her. Mentally noting the small things about her, how her hair shone in the light from the window, how she pushed her hair off her face, the way her eyes lit up when she laughed or their eyes met. It reminded him of another time before things got complicated, the little things that he noticed when they first met and hadn't seen for a long time were creeping back. She had always talked with her hands, but now it was like he was watching her again for the first time.

Working in the conference room she stood to go over some information on the board and he leant back in his chair and let his eyes rake over her, feeling all warm and fuzzy that her fitted suit showed off her amazing figure to its best, but still meant she was comfortable to work. Maybe one day he would tell her how honoured he was to be living with a goddess. He was getting increasingly agitated about sitting around. He wanted them to do something, anything so that he could touch her, let her know the effect that she was having on him, that if it wasn't for Danny's presence and the glass walls he'd be making love to her on the table right then.

Thankfully his phone rang giving him a reason to leave, his head swimming with the almost overwhelming urges that had crept up on him over the last hour.

----

Laying in bed later that night he knew she was stressed. His mother as expected had squealed when they announced their plans and immediately began planning a large family gathering with church and reception. He tried to push back gently but his mother was too excited to listen. He heard his fiancée creep into the room having checked on their daughter who was sleeping in his old room. He felt the bed dip as she slipped in beside him. She sighed as she settled in his arms with her head on his chest. He was glad he took the time to talk to his mother one on one while Amy was put to bed earlier. A few pointed facts and his mother saw his point, a big wedding for Nikki held too many memories, they wanted something quieter.

Assuring her his mother was calming down he brought up the other subject on his mind. Children. It was something they hadn't discussed since Christmas. He didn't want Amy to be an only child. In some twisted way that had led to talk of his ex- girlfriends and how she pushed his buttons in so many more ways and then developed into several minutes of heated passion sending her to sleep with a smile on her face before they woke the whole house. He was so used to having his own place and indulging fantasy's whenever he liked one thing was for sure her mother was going to need a new place to live. Living with parents was certainly a damper on his plans for her continued education in the bedroom.

* * *

_The Muse has returned on this, so will try and complete this soon._


	23. DejaVu to Road Trip

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**23. Déjà-Vu to Road Trip**

It was good to hear Danny had resolved that wedding planner case and they wouldn't have to go undercover. It meant that there was no excuse not to use that piece of paper that was burning a hole in his pocket. He watched the smile break across her face as he pulled it from his pocket and waved it at her. He asked her to set the date. She stalled again. He made yet another impassioned plea about her moving on with her life, that Jason would have wanted that for her. The moment was interrupted by Amy running back up the deserted beach to them.

Scooping up his daughter and setting her on his shoulders they talked of lunch. He was stunned at Nikki's whispered suggestion. Sure they had talked of taking Amy to Niagara, but that needed planning. With that statement out he almost missed what she offered at the end.

As she stepped back from him he let his raised eyebrows question her. The violent nodding and her infectious smile was all he needed to work out a plan. It actually worked out rather well, a few phone calls placed to his cousins in Niagara on their way to the airport was all it took to find a venue and someone to conduct the service. Robbie set them up with a room overlooking the falls in a hotel on the US side of the border, along with their regular registrar to conduct the service. Emma met them at the airport and took them back to the hotel where Robbie had procured them the bridal suite for two nights. While the guys spent the afternoon chilling out, except for a quick run to the local mall where he bought a new shirt and trousers and a visit to the hotel on the US side of the border. On the way up they had agreed it was going to be simple and casual, no formal morning dress or bridal gowns; she was going to find a dress she liked and something for Amy, so after dropping their bags the girls went shopping.

The only time they had been able to get for the wedding was late afternoon so they spent the morning taking Amy around the falls. Emma found them during their tunnel tour and whisked Amy away to give him some time alone with Nikki on the deck where they had stood on Valentine's day. Standing with his arms around her as the falls thundered past them the last eight months vanished. They were together and things were good again. Now in less than six hours they would start again, together forever. He was sure this time there would be no turning back.

----

He didn't see the girls after lunch, Emma whisked them both away to the spa and promised she would have them at the hotel across the falls on time. So he was getting concerned when only minutes before the ceremony they still hadn't arrived.

The registrar had looked at him sympathetically as he fought the urge to pace up and down. Between staring at the clock and watching the door he was expecting to hear that she had changed her mind. The minutes ticked past, silence hung in the air. The registrar began to pack up his things with mumbled apologies that he needed to be elsewhere. Don sank into a chair designated for the groom. This was not happening, this was it, there was no going back now. He had to let her go.

He heard the door creak and felt Robbie's hand squeeze his shoulder. He finally looked up. Emma hurried towards them as he stood up, she was apologetic that traffic at the border had delayed them. They all turned to the registrar who confirmed that they had arrived just in time and he would still go ahead. A moment later his eyes were on the door as his girls appeared. Amy looked pretty, but his eyes were taken by her mother. She was wearing a beaded charmeuse dress with draping overlays, an empire bodice with jeweled straps joining at the back to support the plunging neckline with a soft flowing skirt and short sweep train. The marine blue lit up her eyes, making them shine. Not that he knew the finer details, he just knew that she looked stunning, her hair had been softly curled and partly clipped up. She seemed to glide down the carpet towards him.

When she stopped next to him he caressed her face and wiped away the tear which trickled from her eye. He asked if she was alright. She confirmed she was ready. Taking her hand he nodded at the registrar to proceed. In the short simple ceremony they dedicated themselves to each other.

----

Work schedules kept them apart for the first days after their weekend off, but they were both under pressure to cough up a date for the engagement party every one thought they should have. The latest conversation with Danny had been nicely interrupted as Don got called to a scene off the island. By the time he arrived, he knew Dr Hawkes and Mrs Flack were on their way too. Mac obviously had faith that they could still work together. He hoped the department saw it the same way when they saw the paperwork. It was a kick to know that she was changing her name and would eventually be known as Flack to everyone. For a while it would cause confusion, but that would settle down once he could officially use his sergeant's title.

As he walked the scene with the first officer it brought back memories of another house he had been in a few years ago. The Endecott mansion. Dead bodies in pools of their own blood surrounded by what he guessed was arterial spray. He also knew this house had been the scene of another case a year ago, but it wasn't his case and didn't know the details. He figured they'd look it up back at the lab.

He had started down the stairs with the officer behind him when he noticed her standing with Hawkes. She looked really pale, Hawkes was talking to her quietly. He called her and as she looked up it was almost as if she lost the little colour left in her face. But she wasn't looking at him, it was like she was looking through him. He frowned. This wasn't her, she didn't act like this at crime scenes. Something wasn't right.

Hawkes gave him the head's up that she had been there before as he passed to head upstairs with the first on scene. Don needed her to supply information. She was in shock, he could feel her shaking as he guided her to the door. Her voice trembled as she gave a few details, but she clammed up. Tears starting to spill from her eyes. OK he needed a plan to snap her out of this or he had to pull her off this job. Sending her to his car for the bottle of water he kept there gave him time to ring Danny. Whatever happened before he would know the answers.

Running over the previous visit the year before, Danny touched on something which neither of them were prepared to have come up. He watched as she returned from the car, the bottle of water in her hand. He wanted to gather her in his arms and take them miles away, but they had jobs to do and he needed to know she was OK. Something not easy to do when the TV cameras were setting up practically on the front lawn.

He deliberately kept a space between them and hoped his quiet words would be enough. He was relieved when she seemed to snap out of it and go back to work. He watched her for a few minutes as she stood assessing the scene in the downstairs lounge. She told him her memories of the previous case. She was the one to open the subject, but that moment was not the time to discuss it. They would do that later. For now they had to stick to the case and she insisted she was fine to go back to work.

----

He didn't talk to her for a few hours and thought it was about time he check in on what was happening. He caught Danny on the way out and dared to ask how she was doing, relieved that she seemed alright, but he still wanted to check for himself so he pushed open the door and glanced around. The crime scene clean up crew were going to have fun with this one.

He saw her standing on the stairs, her hand gripping the railing. He saw her take a deep breath of the fresh air he'd let in with him and she looked at him. She waited for him to make the first move, so he made his way up the stairs to meet her. His eyes questioning her silently as he noted her vague smile and uncertain look. He had been passing through from time to time just so he could check up on her, but he hadn't got this close to her until now. She look amazingly calm and beautiful. The smudge of finger print powder on her cheek only enhanced the things he loved about her.

He asked how she was and she gave him the official line before turning away and taking a couple of steps. He called her back, unable to resist a moment of contact as he used his handkerchief to remove the smudge from her face. She gave him a curious look and he told her what he was doing. The smile she gave him was genuine and welcome. Before disappearing she promised what they both knew. They needed to talk.

----

With the two CSI vehicles, driven by Danny and Hawkes, loaded with evidence she rode back with him and several more boxes. He was glad they had that time to themselves. They talked of the previous case, how things just never seemed to happen with the leads and that finally it ended up in Mac's cold case pile. They skirted the personal issues that had been intertwined with the case, that was a conversation for after shift, when she was curled in his arms at home. It didn't stop the thoughts going through his mind about how different things would be right now if things had gone differently. She should still be on Maternity Leave taking care of their children. They never knew whether the baby would have been a boy or girl. That was one of the things that had been hardest to accept, they couldn't identify with it, there was nothing tangible to grieve over, no opportunity to let go leaving them with unanswered questions and a hole that had taken months to learn to live with. It was something they hadn't discussed for a long time. He caught the movement of her arm as she rested her hand on her stomach. He knew the memories consumed her too.

------

Facing the team was the hardest thing he did that day, all he wanted to do was take her home, wrap themselves up away from the world and have time to just wallow in the moment, be together let each other know how they were feeling. But the job came first right now, but it didn't stop him feeling the pain and loss all over again and just looking at her he knew she felt it too. The others noticed the sombre mood they were in and questioned him on it. He didn't want to talk about it with them, he just talked memories and walked out after asking them not to pressure her, to stick to the case.

He felt tied to his desk writing reports and waiting for calls to pin down more details on the house. Finally he got what he was waiting for and that gave him the perfect opportunity to go check on how she was doing. They hadn't spoken since lunch but that was a couple of hours ago.

He watched her for a moment through the window before opening the door and going in. She was focused on the AV screens in front of her trying to see things that may not have been there. She looked tense. He half expected her to jump as he rested his hands on her shoulders and began to massage her neck with his thumbs. Her soft voice told him she had been aware of his presence all along. She showed him what she was working on she even tested his observation skills with two identical photos, well at least they looked it. He could feel her start to relax a little as his fingers worked her shoulders as they talked. That moment of connection was what he needed to get him through the next few hours until they were both home. He promised her information, but refused to divulge it without the presence of Danny and Hawkes. She scolded him playfully for that. "Hot-Shot" that was something she hadn't called him for a while, she didn't really have a nick name for him, but the few times she came out with one made it all the more special. He just dazzled her with his dimpled grin as she marched towards the door with a subtle hint at their private life. Not to be out-done he sidled up to her and reminded her of his promise to teach her things. Hearing the childish giggle from her lightened his mood a little.

----

OK so he wound them all up a little over the history of the house, but the opportunity had been too good to pass up. The only thing was that she was onto him, she knew he was pulling a fast one. There wasn't much he could get past her, she seemed to have this knack of reading him extremely well in those moments. That's where she said he had no game. Yeah well maybe that was OK, he liked it when she caught him out.

Their impromptu meeting left them pursuing leads while he clocked out to go and meet his daughter from school. That was a rare opportunity, but one he enjoyed, having that hour or so alone with his daughter before her mum got home was something he was looking forward to.

---

He was relieved that he arrived in the school yard before the bell went. What he didn't appreciate was getting the third degree from the substitute teacher and denying her demands to speak with his wife. Didn't the silly cow know that they were a family, that he was just as capable of dealing with things? Obviously not as she talked about restraining orders, something that had never happened between the two of them. Despite her reticence at having him involved in Amy's life at the beginning Nikki had never raised a restraining order against him. A few phone calls, one from the school to Nikki and another from her to him had finally persuaded the old battle-axe that he could legitimately speak to her about their daughter.

Mrs Campbell was pissing him off and he was none to happy when she eventually agreed to speak to him about his daughter's "disciplinary issue", but it took him showing her the copy of the court order declaring joint custody which he just happened to have in his pocket. He wasn't too happy with his daughter either after he'd sat being lectured to by the battle-axe about Amy attacking other students for no reason and maybe it was a reflection on her home life, that there was no stability with her mother being a single parent and flying her across the country to live in strange cities at such a young age. That was the one moment of delight he had at her hands. Telling her that actually they were married and raising their daughter together and that she now had the stable home life she lacked for the first five years. That Amy loved the city and had settled extremely well. He did seriously wonder what the woman's problem was when she questioned whether bringing up a daughter in a house where the parents worked unsociable hours was a good thing and maybe her mother should think more about her daughter and consider taking a "regular" job. At that point he didn't know who he was more furious with, Amy for hitting a student or the teacher for questioning Nikki's parenting skills and devotion to their daughter.

As he walked to the car with Amy as she begged to go to Macdonald's he tried to put himself in his wife's shoes to work out how to handle the situation. Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't have got off on time this afternoon. How could you tell off a five year old who looked at you with deep blue eyes and an innocent smile?

----

By the time he heard the front door go a few hours later he was exhausted. He left Amy to continue her colouring at the kitchen table as he joined his wife in the hallway. She knew things weren't right when all she got was a chaste kiss of welcome. She was right it was unlike him. He was physically and emotionally wrecked. Amy had been indignant and petulant and while he had some sympathy with her he had reprimanded her about her language and her actions and refused to take her to MacDonald's. But he didn't feel good about any of it. One minute he thought he had been too hard on her, the next too soft. He was drowning and didn't know what to do for the best. He was glad Nikki was home. She could take over and show him what to do. The last few hours with his adorable daughter had scared him worse than any perp he'd dragged off the streets.

He followed her like a lamb to the slaughter as she headed into the kitchen to speak to Amy. The girl was still angry that she felt everyone was against her because she had stood up for him and the job. She yelled at her mother and without thinking he reprimanded her for her language, which only lead to a full blown stomp off up the stairs tantrum. He didn't know what to do with himself. He had stepped in between his two girls and got his daughter even more angry and upset. He leant against the cupboard and rubbed the hair on the back of his head. He looked at his wife as she stared at him with a surprised look. He did the only thing he felt he could do and apologised. Her reaction was not what he expected. Her fingers were warm as they made his skin tingle as she brushed them across his cheek. She offered reassurance that they were together in this, that she may not always be around to play disciplinarian. He almost cracked right there. Instead he confessed his insecurity at the alien situation. He missed her touch when she stepped back, but her reassurance continued, telling him they weren't perfect, there would be mistakes, different ways of doing things, there were times when being a parent was going to be rough.

Did she just call their daughter a devil? That he couldn't believe. Not really. Not when she looked at him with his own eyes and dimpled grin, her mother's lips and smooth skin. That's what brought him round, he pushed himself off the cupboard and stepped closer to the woman before him and pulled her into his arms seizing those perfect lips and giving her the welcome home she deserved. She had a few lessons of her own to give and he was going to be a brilliant pupil and watch her deal with the discipline and learn how to balance being a parent and a friend. At least that is what he hoped he would have with his children. Coming to this late with Amy had not been easy, but he was determined to make it work. But it was so difficult to argue with his girls, they only had to give him that look and whatever resistance he had crumbled as his daughter proved a short while later when he found himself lugging the giant doll's house down the stairs for her to play with.

----

He walked into the elevator shell-shocked at the conversation which had just taken place with Councilman Wilkinson over Amy punching his son the day before. The councilman had been apologetic and contrite, not what he expected knowing what they knew about his public persona. The guy wasn't actually half bad, he seemed as bad at parenting as Don himself felt. He wasn't sure about complying with the request to talk to his son about the duties of NYPD and why they were the good guys. After all as he told the councilman he hardly discussed his work with Amy and certainly wouldn't think of bringing her into the squad room. The lab was different, there were more people that knew her, she could be watched everywhere she went and mostly was in her mum's office or the break-room. That was except for the odd time she slept on the couch in Mac's office if they were both called in and had to take her too. But she wasn't allowed anywhere near the criminal fraternity that frequented the squad room where he had his desk.

-----

Life settled down again over the next couple of days. His mother-in-law had arrived back in the city for a break leaving her brother in a hospice at his insistence. The councilman had spoken to the school and Amy was going nowhere. The supply teacher had gone and their regular teacher was back. The only downside was that the leads on the Brighton Beach case had so far proved worse than useless and it was looking like it would head the same way as the cold case from before, so when she practically bounced into the squad room around lunchtime he was surprised. She dropped a file on his desk and he swivelled his chair to look at her. She was tense and nervous all at the same time. Her eyes were shining, but she had a slight tinge to her cheeks and was biting her lip waiting for him to say something after she announced they were taking a road trip. When he dared to ask where she did something she had never done before, at least not in the middle of the squad room. She put her hands on his shoulders and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. He could smell the fresh application of her favourite perfume. He knew it was fresh as she wasn't wearing any earlier, she often didn't for work, claimed it interfered with her senses if she got called out. He could feel her trembling as she whispered for him to take her home. He waited for her to move, her breath sending sparks down his neck. The sudden hiss of command for his lack of movement told him she was up to something and she was determined to get it. Whatever it was though he was going to string it out just a little longer. He knew there was enough water cooler gossip about them already he didn't want to fan the flames.

He looked at her for a moment. No doubt she had caught him by surprise, she usually kept it all business in the squad room. This was new. She wasn't mad, there was something else going on and she clearly had no intention of discussing things in public, but the look in her eyes and the slight flush to her cheeks had him intrigued. He gave up trying to work out what she was thinking and nodded before standing up and reaching for his jacket. At that moment his watch commander's office door opened and he was summoned inside.

She was disappointed they were interrupted, but he promised to find her when he was done. Before letting him go to the corner office she got all close and personal again, not that he minded, but he was trying to get his head round her attitude. She was definitely nervous about something, so when she confessed she loved him in front of half a squad room of detectives and as many low-lifes he knew he was going to hear something he didn't want to. This was really not like her he thought as she stalked out of the room and he tried to convince himself that he imagined the sway of her hips as he watched her leave. That was certainly going to stir things up for a while. There was no way the other people in the room hadn't noticed that little display.

He finally made it to the office, where her little show all became clear. They were going to Philadelphia. Of all the places for them to get a lead in that case, it had to be the city where that Cold Case detective worked. Maybe they wouldn't run into him. After all it was a big city, more than one police station to handle things. But her attitude still puzzled him a little, so he wasn't sure what to expect when he found her clearing stuff from her locker after getting his instructions from his commanding officer. He decided to play things down. He greeted her with a mischievous grin, but he wanted to know if they were going to run into that Detective he had last seen with his tongue down her throat a couple of months before. The pink flush to her cheeks told him she knew exactly what was going on and that she was nervous. He got the answer he didn't want. That guy was the damned case officer.

Don wasn't sure what he felt, here she was standing in front of him admitting her ex was their collaborator on the case. She let the silence hang for a moment, he knew what she was thinking. She asked him to do something for her. He assured her he would still go with her. Hell there was no way she was going without him. He was relieved when she didn't argue. The silence fell again until he heard her take a deep breath. He wasn't sure what was coming, but he didn't expect the demand she made. He watched the colour flush her cheeks, the hesitant look in her eyes and knew that he would feel her shaking if he touched her. This was a moment too good to pass up. A night alone out of the city, her staring at him like that. He was going to play it for all it was worth. Sure he acceded to her demand, just not in the way he knew she wanted as he placed a chaste kiss on her lips. If only he had known then what this little cat and mouse game was going to do to him by the time they got to Philly he may well have taken the X-rated route right then and made wild passionate love to her up against her locker. But he teased her, he wanted her to take control, tell him what she wanted. She liked dropping hints, he always initiated things and this was a whole new side of her he wanted to explore.

He raised his eyes at her as he slipped one hand into her hair and the other around her waist, drawing her closer. He could feel her shiver beneath his touch, he knew what she wanted, what she was afraid to say, but this time he wasn't going to give in to her. This time he wanted her to take control. He watched the flush grace her cheeks again. His thumb grazed her skin lightly, he felt her shiver again. She pleaded to him with her eyes, he shook his head just enough to tease her, his cocky grin telling her he was taunting her. He wanted her to tell him what she wanted. He wanted her to take control for once. Oh, she pleaded, but he only did enough to taunt her more. He thought she was just about to cave under his intense gaze and firm resolve when the door banged admitting two lab techs. The past five minutes had been intense and maybe it was for the best that they had been interrupted. Getting caught making out with another detective in public would be a scandal, even if that detective was your wife.

He had let her go and picked up her bag. She was leaning against the locker. She may have started out wanting a kiss, but now she needed a whole lot more, and he was just the guy to give it to her when they got home. Before letting her slip into the ladies room he made sure to leave her with one final thought about his intentions, whispered in her ear. They would continue things later. He knew the anticipation would be agony for her.

----

Maybe he got that wrong. He was in just as much agony on the drive home, but a quick resolution eluded him. He watched as she stood in the lounge removing her jewellery, pulling her hair free from the band she had it tied in. He watched as the long tresses cascaded around her shoulders. They hadn't spoken since her mother had left the house a few minutes before. He waited for her to pick up where they had left off in the locker room, but she didn't, she was waiting for him, but this time he wasn't giving in. He watched as she flicked her hair in just that way he found so alluring. Then she smiled and walked up the stairs, her hips swaying suggestively. Who was suffering because of this turn of events? Maybe making her work for what she wanted could wait he decided as he followed her up the stairs.

He obviously hadn't been quick enough as she locked the bathroom door as he walked into their bedroom. Wait, locked the door? She never did that, certainly not to their en-suite. He heard the water go on for the shower. He just hoped she wasn't pissed at him. If she was it was going to be a long drive. He opted for a cold shower in the family bathroom and hoped to smooth things over before they left, but by the time he emerged she was already packed and downstairs. He walked into the bedroom almost choking on the air which was filled with her perfume. He wondered if she had done it deliberately for that Philly detective. Judging by the amount in the air, she must have drowned herself in it. He dressed quickly and grabbed their bags. She was in the kitchen so he took the bags straight to the car with the intention of returning and cornering her, setting things straight before they left. But there was no chance of that. He had barely closed the trunk of the car and turned towards the house when she emerged.

Her hair was loose down her back, the red sweater fit her like a glove and she was wearing a skirt. A short skirt, giving him a fantastic view of her legs, made to look longer by the high heels. He watched as she carefully descended the steps, her black skirt swirling around her thighs. Her coat slung casually over her arm. He raised his eyes at her as she reached the sidewalk and stood before him. She merely smiled back and climbed into the car as he opened the door for her. It was definitely going to be a long drive.

----

The first part of the journey was fine. But when they had exhausted discussion of the case things went downhill fast. He concentrated on the roads, she switched radio channels for a while, then put in a CD from her bag. As the first bars wafted through the car he noted she was getting herself comfortable in her seat. He half grinned as she checked the maps to navigate them. In the silence the words wafted around the car. He found himself listening to the words, then wished he hadn't, one of his ex girlfriends had a thing about that song, and what she wanted him to do to her because of it. But that had never happened. As the song played he remembered the night at his apartment when she was living with him while they tracked the stalker. His blond goddess had appeared in his lounge wearing his shirt and probably little else. The moments after where he had tickled her senseless before kissing her for the first time in years had particular relevance. He tried to distract himself from listening and the memories asking about directions. He finally figured her game when she turned away from him and looked out the window. She was unaware of the reflection picking up the smile on her face.

Things only got worse from there, before the song ended he asked for another CD. Eventually she offered up one of Amy's that he would willingly have taken her up on if his darling daughter hadn't near tortured him to death with it over the last few days. She knew what she was doing, now he knew it too. He wouldn't give her what she wanted, now she was playing hardball. Well two could play that game. He took one hand from the wheel and rested it on her thigh, letting his fingers brush against her. The only problem was that whatever it was doing to her it also did things to him. For safety reasons he returned his attention to the road and his hand to the wheel.

The journey continued in the same vein, until he almost couldn't take anymore and threatened to "deal with her" right there at the side of the road. She was in a playful mood and he was not going to let her forget the torture she was doling out. She made him promise to carry out the threat when they reached the hotel. The nervous giggle she gave him was all the incentive he needed and he was fully prepared to carry through as they entered the hotel and checked in.

----

Why did that damned detective have to turn up where he wasn't wanted. Don got a nice buzz when she avoided the attempt to kiss her and he got a mouthful of her hair as she turned her head. Don slipped his arm possessively around her waist, easing her closer. Something which wasn't difficult as she seemed happy for him to do it. The darker look on the other guys face said that he didn't seem so pleased. Don didn't care, she was his girl and after fighting for her for so long no one was going to change her mind. He even managed a smile when she introduced him as her fiancé.

It was still their official cover. Their marriage certificate had arrived from Niagara, but was being sent in dozens of different directions as they straightened out all the bureaucracy, new passport, new ID card, NYPD crap, most of it not preventing them using her new title, but they'd chosen to wait until after their vacation, a honeymoon cruise in the Caribbean for Thanksgiving.

He felt her stiffen a little under his touch as he mentioned the fact that they only had one room. So he was staking his claim, he wanted to make sure the other detective knew where they stood.

He wasn't surprised she turned on him when he got her alone in the elevator, but the fact that she was leaning against him and wasn't mad was the unnerving thing. Her voice stayed calm and calculated. She warned him about getting all testosterone pumped because of Valens. When he questioned her loyalty he was buzzed to hear her reply. Not only did she tell him in clear terms that she was with him, that he was sharing her bed but he also got to take her home later, she reinforced it by resting her hands on his chest and pushing him against the elevator wall. The shine from her ring flickered between them and he realised that along with her engagement ring she was wearing her wedding ring. It was the first time since Niagara he had noticed. He had nothing to worry about, at least not tonight. He rested his hands on her hips and pulled her closer, putting his lips against her ear, asking who was sharing whose bed. Now she was getting a little steamed he realised as she told him to shut up and kiss her. It was all the invitation he needed. He pulled her tight against him with one hand while the other grazed her cheek and he slipped his hand around her neck to support her he crashed his lips on hers.


	24. Philadelphia to Hidden Memories

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

**24. Philadelphia to Hidden Memories**

He woke up before their alarm and lay watching her. The light from the window made her hair glow. The promises from the drive had been delivered in full and more as they made out half the night. If the night in the hotel after that spy case was great, then the previous night had been mind blowingly awesome. He could never tire of her, watching her, listening to her, touching her. To have his best friend back was good but having her as his wife was something his dreams were made of. He reached out and stroked his fingers over her cheek, checking that she was real, that she wasn't going to vanish. The contented sigh which came from her sleeping form only encouraged him to pursue things and wake her up the way she had fallen asleep, happy and contented.

----

As they walked into the diner to meet Valens the only sign that there was anything between them that was more than professional was his hand on her back, guiding her to the table where the detective was already seated. She sat down and after confirming she remembered the place from her visits she got straight down to business. He slid into the booth next to her and held back a chuckle when Valens sounded put out that his small talk was cut short.

Things went fairly smoothly as they talked the case through, discussed options about the best way to plan their day. But things got interesting when they arrived at the crime scene. He was happy for her to take the lead, after all processing crime scenes was her job. He could tell she was a little irritated over the lack of decent answers the detective was giving her. In giving her a hand, by pushing the detective for answers to proper detective work he risked pissing her off, but figured he'd make up for it later when they got home. Things didn't go so smooth after that, Valens got on his nerves with the way he kept giving her the eye and she did nothing to stop it. He really thought the guy still had a thing for her, and the fact that she didn't take him to task over the comments he threw at her really got to Don. After tossing things back and forward she called them both back to the point. When she asked about their possible witness Valens and the uniformed cop left to check on the status of their only one. He looked at her when he was sure they were gone. She was madder than a March hare. The glare she gave him made him defensive. Now that just made her furious. In her quiet way she warned him to cut the crap and marched out.

He looked around the room again before following everyone outside. As he emerged into the street, he noted she was walking towards him. So this was her plan, send him off to some psych ward to interview their witness while she went off with the Philly detective. He made no bones about his disagreement with the plan. She warned him that they were working and where their loyalties lay. She also reaffirmed that he had nothing to worry about, that it was him she had married and he got to take her home. It didn't make it any easier to watch her leave in Valen's car.

As the dead ends rolled in during the afternoon they decided it was time to head home. He was surprised at the comment Valens made as they prepared to depart. Thinking about it he was a lucky guy and she was one hell of a lady. He just couldn't wait to get her home and show her.

---

The case continued to haunt them and threaten to go to that pile on Mac's desk, so they made one last ditch effort to make sense of everything. He sat in the Lab break room with her as they went over all the details. Stella and Hawkes joined them too and they made the decision to return to the house, go over everything again, double check what they had already triple checked. He was excluded from making that trip when dispatch called him to another crime scene. He hoped they would come back with something. She was desperate to close this case; to do that would also push back the memories which had been reopened at the same time.

It was another twenty-four hours before they made the break and he took her to make the arrest. What they hadn't been prepared for was the strength of the guy, not only did they have to chase him, but it had taken the two of them, two uniforms and two passersby to restrain the guy. For a forty year old bank worker it was a little freaky. To be on the safe side they called in the medics to see if he was on something. He suspected PCP, that was thought to give junkies an adrenaline rush that made them damn near impossible to take down, he could vouch for that, having faced a few in his time.

He helped get the guy into the back of a cruiser and turned to her as the car drove away. She was leaning against the wall of the building breathing heavily, her hand resting over her stomach again. He started to wonder if there was something she was not saying. He watched her raise her head and look at him. Then she carefully pushed herself off the wall and walked towards him. He checked she was alright before escorting her back to his car. She seemed a little stiff and sore. He dared to ask again if she was alright. She looked up at him a smile on her face and assured him she was fine before partly blaming the unspeakable things he had done to her the night before along with the chase and an elbow in the stomach from their suspect. He was already enraged at the fight the guy had put up so to hear that her discomfort was his fault too only further incensed him, trouble was she knew it so she spent the journey back trying to cool him off.

----

It was their third shot in interrogation with Leo Morris, their suspect. So far they had nothing and he had beaten a polygraph test. How they didn't know, but he had. He was reluctant to let her back into the room, she was pale and tired, obviously still sore from the earlier events and she'd had a headache too. What could he do when she insisted she was fine? As things turned out he was quite glad she was there. Things had started off OK, but when Morris had taken a sudden turn and got violent he'd taken the brunt of trying to restrain him. He felt the elbow in his face which pushed him back. He remembered it being with enough force to make him hit the opposite wall and his legs buckle under him. He wasn't exactly surprised when he felt his nose to find blood on his fingers. He tried to stand up, get back into the fray as her and the other officers who rushed in, fought to restrain him. His body wouldn't co-operate. His head was fuzzy too. Maybe it was OK to sit for a minute. He was fumbling in his pocket when the shadow loomed over him. Her voice was calm as she took the handkerchief from him and wiped his face. He wasn't certain what she was doing, but he could smell her perfume, he just couldn't work out which one of her was the real one, because he knew damn well that he should only be seeing one of her, but the gentle touch she applied in cleaning him up was welcome.

He thought that now he should stand up, prove to her that he was alright, stop that worried look that both of her were wearing. She helped him to his feet and if she hadn't stuck herself under his arm to support him he'd have been back on his ass on the floor. At least they made it to the chair which he flopped into and used the table for more support. He wasn't sure how long after that Doc Hawkes appeared, but he didn't need a doctor, he'd be fine in a few minutes and he told them so as he tried to stand again to prove his point. Damn it if she didn't make him sit down again. Maybe that was a good thing, the room wouldn't stop moving.

Issuing him with strict orders in her no nonsense voice she left him with the Doc while she found him an ice pack. He was with it enough to hold a conversation but not with it enough to realise what he said until after it escaped his mouth. Did he just tell Hawkes that he loved her taking control?

By the time she came back and carefully placed the ice packs against his swelling lip Hawkes had checked him out and advised a trip to the ER, which he outright refused. He was getting better by the minute and this was all fuss over nothing. The really good thing was the double vision had cleared, only thing now was he could clearly see the concern on her face. He tried reassuring her, at least he gained a little smile from her as they talked. What was that? Take him home to bed. Yeah, good, best offer all day. Trouble was she was more concerned with his welfare and was tucking him in bed to rest. Maybe he could persuade her to join him. At least this time when he stood up the room stayed still and he didn't go flat on his face and he made it out of the station under his own steam.

Of course the next day he had the bruises to show for the little fracas and it would be Messer to be the one to comment. Everyone else politely ignored how his face looked. OK except for his wife, but then that was her job to take care of him and apart from when it first happened all her fussing had taken place at home. That took a little getting used to, until that moment, he'd been the one taking care of her, he kind of liked having the tables turned. Maybe he should try it more often.

-----

Having discovered from Danny that his wife was out at Brighton Beach again he called in his break and followed her out to the house. The squad car was still parked up with two officers inside, keeping an eye on things. He flashed his badge at them and walked up to the door. He ducked under the tape and stepped inside. She was standing in the hallway staring up the stairs. He heard her gasp. He didn't stop and think, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against him. Her head spun around and she looked at him. He turned her around and she reached for his coat and clung on to him.

Memories they had tried to bury months ago had been resurrected by this case and here they were standing in the house where everything had started turning their world upside down. Dormant emotions spilled out and the questions which had haunted him when he first found out about the case now came from her. The words finally spoken.

He let her pull back and watched as she let her hand run circles over her stomach. He stopped her, taking her hand and kissing her fingers. He concluded it was a reflex action stirred up by the memories. Memories that needed to be acknowledged before they could move forward. They had kind of said before that they didn't want Amy to be an only child, he even offered to have them adopt if it meant that they didn't have to have that pain all over again. If it meant she was safe.

They left the house, full of ghosts from the past as they stepped outside to a beautiful autumn day and tentative plans for the future.

----

They had talked more about their family in the few weeks after and had decided to let things take their course naturally. They were ready to go forward as everything settled into place. He was gaining confidence in his parenting skills with Amy, her mum had gone back to Miami again, although she would be back to look after Amy while they were away, ten days for a belated honeymoon. They had still managed to keep the wedding a secret, but it was getting harder. So many times he had almost called her his wife in front of the team. They had decided to make that announcement at the engagement party Stella and Danny had talked them into having. Of course they hadn't let up on talking about the damned marriage licence and he didn't put it past them to try something with it, but they were the one's in for a surprise. First he had to get through more damned chaos and bodies.

----

He knew when he walked into the bathroom of that woman's apartment that he wasn't going to live this one down easily. She was standing naked staring at the mirror, signs of blood everywhere, but a quick glance at her showed there wasn't a mark on her. He remembered taking her arm and cuffing her as he quoted her Miranda rights, but the feelings he had and the images in his head were only of one woman, the one's his hands were on meant nothing, to him at that moment she was a cold blooded murderer. He handed her off to a female uniformed officer who had just appeared to take her to get some clothes. As he stood for a moment he ran his hand over his face then walked out of the apartment.

He knew he was in double trouble when the blond goddess walked towards him. Damn, he hadn't thought of her like that for a while, he had to focus, but before she could get too close he met her in the hallway and let her get it out of her system, where the officers couldn't hear. He liked working with his wife. So far the brass hadn't decided either way whether they could continue to do so, but for now they let it ride, he got the impression that they were being watched, to see if they could keep it professional on the job. Moments like this one made it hard, but at the same time their brief personal exchanges only served to give them a buzz which they worked out after shift at home.

That was the last time he saw her on that case, he spent the rest of the time with Stella checking out alibi's or on stakeout with Jessica Angell. She had been in homicide almost a year and a half, the only replacement the brass had offered when he was in the hospital, then she was a rookie detective, but she had proved to be more than just a pretty face as her hit rate was only second to his. She was going to be one of his new charges when he took up his sergeant's role, so spending more time getting to know her better was a good thing. She had a pretty sharp wit too and the stake out had got pretty uncomfortable when she talked about him busting out his game on her. He wasn't really given the chance to respond when their suspect had parked herself in the back seat to give them her diary for the day.

Later he had cornered Jess in the hallway and laid it out that what had happened in the car was harmless fun to keep them amused on stake out. He was in love with his wife, that was the sentiment even if he had stuck to calling her his fiancée. Jess agreed, they worked well together and she was looking forward to learning from him as her supervisor. She also wanted to get to know his wife better. The few times she had worked with her they had shared a few laughs.

He went up to the lab relieved that there was no bad feelings. He had been escorting Nikki out of the lab when Danny cornered them and made them to commit to a date for the engagement party. It was all that was missing for Danny and Stella to work their magic.

---

Time seemed to fly by after that, Mac finally confessed to the team that since he was in London in the summer he had a stalker, starting out with harmless phone calls at 3.33am and lost luggage, but turning into luggage turning up with bloody shirts and Stella receiving strange puzzles which tracked his life. Mac had taken off the night before for Chicago to resolve things, but if only things had been that simple.

Kissing his wife and daughter goodbye as they ate breakfast had not been in his plans that morning, but he was on call and the phone had rung. A dead train driver in his cab at 42nd Street station awaited him. With a promise to catch up for lunch he headed out, not expecting to be praying for his life about an hour later as he watched the stationary train loom closer as he hung on to the hand rail and waited for the impact, Stella, Lindsay and Hawkes with him. This was not good, four NYPD detectives were about to die in a runaway train, their hopes pinned on Danny to stop the train.

He closed his eyes and braced for the impact, his mind screaming how sorry he was for leaving his family, for making her worst fear come true. At the moment the impact should have happened he barely felt anything, just a jolt. No pain, no breathlessness, nothing that he expected to feel. Maybe things had happened so fast that he hadn't had the opportunity to feel those things, but where did that leave him now. He was afraid to open his eyes, but if he didn't then he wouldn't know where he was or what had happened. He thought he heard movement, voices around him. He slowly opened his eyes to find himself staring at his hands gripping the pole he'd used to brace himself. Stella's voice broke through the fog asking if they were all OK and he realised that they had all just had a lucky escape, whether by design or by the transit authority pulling the plug on the power he was just glad that he got to walk away from this one. He walked off the train and looked around, it quickly became apparent that something weird was happening when he realised they were on the 3 train at 33rd street station. 333 - Mac's stalker was playing with them all.

-----

He had regained some semblance of normality by the time she arrived, barking orders at uniformed officers as she walked towards him. At least it showed her he was OK if still a little shaken. He didn't think about how appropriate it was he just dismissed the guys around him and walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, reassuring her that he was alright, that they were all OK.

That moment of contact all he needed to prove to himself that he was really still alive and he was going home with her to their daughter.

Well at least going home with her had been his plan until the Chief put in his two pennyworth and decided he should go to Chicago and babysit Mac. He tried to argue against it but the Chief wouldn't hear it. Even told him his flight had been booked. He did not look forward to telling his wife that four days before their vacation he was being sent halfway across the country.

-----

She actually took things surprisingly well he decided as he held her hand as she walked out to his car with him. They both knew the fine line they were all walking with this case and they were worried for each other, but they had a job to do and they were going to do it and put a stop to this stalker for good.

He hugged her tight then ran his hand over her hair and kissed her before letting her go and getting into the car. It was going to be hard being away from her while he made the trip. He just hoped that he made it back in time for Friday. He already felt like half of him was missing.

-----

He didn't have a lot of time to think about her once he arrived in Chicago. First he ended up smoothing the feathers of the fairly attractive Detective Brennan and gaining her help in tracking Mac through his cell phone signal. Then Mac took him on a night time tour of his old haunts, well one in particular that appeared to form the basis for the whole stalker thing and he learnt about an incident in Mac's childhood that had brought them to this point. A late night call from Stella identifying the stalker sent them in search of the first flight out to New York, to stop him once and for all.

Arriving back in the city from the airport him and Mac were picked up by a squad car and driven to join the gathering troops outside Drew Bedford's restaurant. As they pulled up he could see her pulling on her protective vest and look over as the car stopped. He watched as she collected another vest and walked towards him as he got out of the car and removed his jacket. He wanted to greet her properly, but with the assembled troops present and Mac already issuing commands to all of them there was barely enough time to say hello, so anything else would have to wait, but it was nice to know he'd been missed. He had been expecting trouble when the Chief turned up and started mouthing off about pulling Mac's badge, but a few harsh words from Mac sent their superior looking for a vest of his own, surprising all of them.

The damned stalker fooled them all and managed to abduct Mac from under their noses as they searched the building. That made everyone a little crazy and she ended up processing what was left behind for hours. But with Adam's help they made further progress and soon had a lead to where Mac was being held. Not only that but Don found himself with a surprise visitor from Chicago, Jimmy Davis, a childhood friend of Mac's and brother of the stalker. Jimmy was a welcome addition to their arsenal to corner Drew and hopefully have a successful outcome.

---

It was after midnight by the time he got home. He was completely exhausted. He dropped his bags on the floor by the door and stowed his gun, badge and phone. The house was quiet and he figured everyone was in bed. She had left the downstairs light on, something they had got into the habit of doing when one of them was working late. He was about to turn it out and head upstairs when he heard the noise from the lounge. He yawned then followed the sound, finding Nikki spread out under a blanket on the couch. His arrival had obviously woken her, but rather than head straight upstairs he flopped onto the couch in the space she made for him. She had missed the final assault in order to meet Amy from school, but he had called and told her it was over and Mac was safe. He felt better when she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around him. He'd missed her too. She knew conversation was not big on his agenda right then, but she offered food and comfort and although the former was welcome it was the latter he needed more and he was in no rush to have her leave him. She realised that and removed the tie he still wore and undid some buttons on his shirt, then she began running her fingers across his forehead and massaged his temples. It was feeling good, helping to relieve some of the tension from the previous two days. After a couple of minutes she slowed and stopped. Asking if he felt any better he opened his eyes. Yeah, he felt better but he wanted to get closer to her, he needed to reconnect and right then there was only one way to do it. He smiled at her as he pushed a hand into her hair and drew her closer until their lips met.

----

Before they knew it the end of the week loomed which just left them with two events before they could head off for their vacation. The award ceremony at a down town hotel and their engagement party. Both were off work so they managed a quiet morning after he ran Amy to school. They finished packing and prepared their stuff for the evening. Nothing special, just hanging out and being together. The ceremony was due to start at two so when he heard her downstairs calling him he swiped his cap from the bed, secured it on his head, made a final check that his tie and belt were straight on his uniform then headed down stairs. She was putting her coat on as he reached the bottom.

He watched her carefully as she caught sight of him. There was a momentary look of panic and despair which crossed her face before she took a deep breath and smiled at him. He stepped closer to her and brushed her hair back from her face, his fingers grazing her skin. He could feel her trembling under his touch, but she never raised her eyes to him. He tipped her chin up so her eyes met his, then he saw the tears.

She mumbled something and stepped back turned around and brushed the back of her hand across her eyes to remove the tears. He placed his hands on her shoulders and lowered his head to hers, trying to coax her into talking, but whatever had happened she refused, slipped out of his grasp and ran up the stairs. He turned and followed her, finding her locked in their en-suite bathroom. He banged on the door. A stilted conversation ensued. He heard enough through the door to realise she had thrown up. She had got herself wound up to the extent that she was making herself ill. He ripped off his cap and left the room, returning with the soda she had asked for and finding her now sitting on the bed. Something had suddenly freaked her out and she wouldn't talk. Having been so excited earlier he found it hard to understand her current reaction and that she was insisting he went alone.

Holding her hand and rubbing her back as they sat together on the bed was getting them no where, she was still rattled and still refused to talk. It was getting late, if they didn't leave soon they wouldn't make the start and that would leave him in trouble with the brass. He didn't mean to but out of sheer frustration that he couldn't understand her, he snapped at her. She begged him to go ahead and leave her, then pulled away, dumped her coat on the bed and locked herself in the bathroom again. He followed her and tapped lightly on the door, he knew the car he had booked would be waiting for them. When she didn't answer he rested his head against the door. His options were no better than the last time. He loosened his tie. He practically begged her to go with him, torn between going and leaving her or staying and incurring the wrath of his bosses for missing the ceremony. She laid it out for him through her tears. She was right he had to go, but that didn't make it easy. It was rare she called him Donnie, she hated it and to be honest so did he, he put up with it from the family because he was so used to it from them. For her to use it to get his attention she was determined. He sighed deeply and carefully pushed himself away from the door, but stayed close. He tried to offer more reassurance, told her he loved her and that they would talk when he got back. He could hear the sobs coming from the other side and turned away feeling like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. He pulled her invitation from his pocket and dropped it on the bed, hoping that she might change her mind, although he had his doubts, then he turned and walked out as he straightened his tie again.

----

He entered the reception hall alone, his tall stature giving him the advantage in being able to see over most people's heads. He soon spotted his parents and walked towards them greeting random faces in the crowd. People he knew from the years on the job. He greeted his mother with a kiss to the cheek and shook his father's hand. Of course they asked what had happened to his wife. He sighed, telling them she wasn't well, that she had stayed at home to rest before the evening party. He hated lying to them, but there wasn't much else he could say, he didn't have the answers, only one person had those and she wasn't talking. He had thought over everything he could think of to explain the sudden change of attitude and backward step, but he came up empty. Everything had been really good for the last six weeks or so. As everyone was asked to take their seats he pulled out his phone to switch it off and let his thumb hover over her speed dial number, ready to dial it if he got up the courage. He wasn't sure if he could take it if he heard her still crying at the other end, even worse if she didn't answer. He flipped it closed, turned it off and slipped it back into his pocket, then headed to join the other promotees as they filed into the hall once the spectators were seated.

----

The ceremony had been underway for sometime and the upper rank appointments were drawing to an end and the Sergeant's presentations were looming. He risked breaking ranks and looked around the hall. He didn't expect to see her, but he hoped she had changed her mind. The sight which met him had his stomach in knots, not knowing whether he should stay where he was or incur the wrath of the brass to go to her. She made the decision for him as she kept her eyes firmly focused on the seat next to his father where the usher was leading her. She was pale, her hair hung in soft loose curls around her face, her make up was heavier than normal. Her expression drawn, serious, determined. He watched as she sat down and his father put a comforting arm around her shoulders and whispered to her. He watched her lean towards his mother and whisper a few words. He could guess what they were asking.

He continued to watch her as the ceremony progressed. She looked only at her programme or the floor in front of her. She never once looked up at the assembled Brass on the dais. She never once turned her head to search him out. He still didn't know what to make of things. He remained oblivious to the ceremony until his neighbour nudged him indicating it was their turn to join the line to cross the platform. He sighed and turned his attention to what he needed to do. For those few moments it took to walk across the dais, salute the commissioner, receive his stripes and descend at the other side he kept his eyes only on what was in front of him. The route back to his seat took him past her, then he caught her eye for the first time and for the second time in that hall he was tempted to incur the wrath of the brass to whisk her away. He noted the forced smile and tears clouding her eyes, even though she tried to blink them away. He was a little relieved when a more natural, softer look graced her face as he winked at her. The smile was a genuine one that for a moment warmed his heart and sent him back to his seat.

The ceremony finally over he scoured the crowds now leaving the hall to greet the officers waiting in the reception area. He quickly spotted his father guiding her towards him, his mother propelling both of them from behind like a mother hen. He smiled. In seconds she was gone again, to wait for him outside. He could escape the reception, that wasn't the important part. After a quick word with his parents he made his way towards the door only to find himself buttonholed by the Chief. He never remembered later what was said, only that he put on that condescending voice he had used that day outside the court, when he was called to testify against Mac.

Walking outside with his overcoat now covering his uniform he soon found her sitting on a bench half a block away. Tears streaked her face as she looked at him when he sat with her and reached for her hand. They sat in silence for several minutes before he helped her to her feet and hailed a taxi. He took a chance that she might talk if they didn't go straight home, so he had them dropped at South Street Seaport and taking her hand he lead her through the area to the ship where they had been the night he proposed. He watched her lean on the railing staring out at the Brooklyn Bridge. She had barely spoken a word on the short journey over from the hotel near City Hall.

Don leaned on the railing next to her and followed her gaze before asking what had happened. She asked what he would believe if she said she didn't know. That was just bullshit though. She had to know. He wondered if her old insecurities were raising their heads again. His next question appeared to surprise her and he watched a flash of fear and anger pass through her eyes. He asked if she loved him. Her answer only incensed him and he let her have it with both barrels, at least to start with. When she lowered her head, staring back at the bridge he stopped the rest of the words escaping his mouth. His eyes never left her. She was tense and upset and had built some wall around herself. He needed to break it down to understand her. He softened his tone. It was enough to open things up and it soon became clear that long suppressed memories had been brought out when she saw him in his dress blues. Memories that had been buried for six years, but not the ones he expected. This time it was nothing to do with Jason, other than he'd left the two of them together at a function while he worked. It was all about them, that was the night when she fell in love with him. He must have looked like he was catching flies when she told him the rest, that the day after they returned from their honeymoon she had caught Jason cheating on her in their apartment. She had walked away and not spoken to him again. She had been carrying all the guilt from both events and seeing him in uniform had opened the floodgates and brought it all back.

He was glad she had told him. He just wished things had been different back then, that night he practically carried her home he had almost kissed her, perhaps if he had they would have saved themselves a lot of the heartache they had experienced over the years. The other thing that also became clear was that for sometime she had barely thought of her first husband and was totally alright with where they were. As they talked he could feel the tension leaving her, but although their conversation had petered out in favour of more physical communication she still had a way to go and he knew just the place. The amusement arcade on their way back to the main street provided just the right distraction as they played her favourite machine and he stood with his arms wrapped around her seeing her leave her worries behind.

* * *

_THis is almost finished. Only one chapter left. I have fought the muse and insisted that what I write is my decision, so until this is finished Beacons of Home is on hold. Hope to have the final chapter up over the weekend._


	25. Scheming to Epilogue

_**AN**__: I don't own any of the CSI:NY Characters or any of the show's storylines that I may refer to from time to time, but the rest of the plot is mine. _

_**AN2**__: Well here it is, the final chapter of my experiment. Some things have been quite a challenge to write while making sure it stays in character, but it has been an interesting journey._

**25. Scheming to Epilogue**

He watched her for a moment as she reached to put her necklace on. After two failed attempts at doing it up he walked across the room and took it from her and fixed it around her neck as she lifted her hair out of the way. He couldn't resist grazing his fingers across the bare skin which was exposed. She squirmed under his touch and he wrapped an arm around her to hold her close as he continued to caress her skin with his fingers and then his lips. He stopped as she pressed herself against him and groaned, mumbling something about being late. He grinned and trailed another line of kisses across her neck before looking at her in the mirror. The sparkle was back in her eyes after the events of the afternoon and neither had been left in any doubt about the others feelings as they pushed things to the limit when they got home, of course that left them having to make up time now. The shy sixteen year old he had met nearly fifteen years before had grown into an elegant and confident swan, not that she had ever been an ugly duckling, - _damned kids fairy tales, he had to stop watching stuff like that. _He asked if she was ready for them to tell the team. Staring back at his reflection she had nodded. He reached out and plucked her wedding ring from her jewellery box and turned her to face him as he slipped it on her finger. With a tender kiss he let her go.

---

Scheming had been the right word. Danny and Stella had planned everything, well except for the safely guarded piece of paper they needed. When his girls had dug their heels in about changing and he'd practically flattened Danny about not seeing Nikki until the guests were assembled they'd finally been forced to admit what they had planned. Trouble was the joke was on them, Nikki and Don's silence had paid off and they were able to announce to everyone that, in fact, they had already been married six weeks and proved it by producing their marriage certificate. Afterwards he was glad his brother was there to capture the picture of Danny and Stella's faces making it worth the earlier agony over changing. Of course they still managed to coax them into performing a "first dance" and cutting their wedding cake. Which actually wasn't that bad a memory to have. After that the rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Except for Mac and Stella watching the other's every move and trying not to appear like they were together, when everyone knew they had arrived together and Mac was making sure she got home safe after. It was just a question of time before something would happen and they would be forced to admit their feelings for each other. Everyone knew it except them, or so it appeared.

It was too good to last that they had practically escaped Stella and Danny all night. When they finally got cornered it wasn't a surprise. As they were quizzed about the details he slid his arm around his wife's shoulder, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin under his fingers and there was a lot of skin for him to feel with her in that dress. He remembered them dancing half the night in the hotel disco using any excuse to get close to her. Yeah, he was definitely drooling over her in that dress and he couldn't wait to get her home to get her out of it and drool over the rest of her, and he made it quite clear to their friends what he had planned for his wife when they got home.

----

The next ten days passed too quickly and they were soon back at work and thrown deep into some harrowing cases. Shortly after their return Danny had found himself in a situation while out with a neighbour's child. Thinking he had done the right thing by sending the boy home he took the news very badly when the boy was later found dead in a nearby alley. He shut everyone out, including Lindsay and Don and insisted it was his fault that Reuben was dead. The Christmas holidays looming did nothing to better his mood, so Lindsay, after making one last ditch effort to reach him, used her outstanding vacation and took off for Montana. Danny turned down any and all invitations to Christmas lunch and went home to his parents. With his sister and her family away, there would be no children to remind him of what he had done. Don however braved the shops and got with the Christmas spirit as he tried to find the perfect gifts for his girls.

The lab seemed to be dealing with an increased crime spree and they were all kept fully stretched. He was now fully immersed in his new role, one which kept him in the station more with paperwork than out on the street, which he didn't like much, but he had been assured it was temporary while he learnt his new responsibilities. There were plans to get him out more, use his expertise in other ways, although nothing was confirmed about how that was going to work. He knew Nikki didn't mind so much that he was more desk bound, although she never admitted it to him. He still got out for the odd case and that is how he picked up the Christmas Eve call to a body in an alley as he was about to go off duty.

With a skeleton staff there was no chance to pass off the case and it meant breaking the one promise he'd made to her about working the holiday. She had accepted he was on call Christmas Day, but she had come to him a few days earlier and pleaded with him to be free for Midnight Mass. It was an easy thing to do and he noted the sparkle in her eyes as she had turned away and gone back to work.

----

As he drove to the scene he thought about them dropping by the lab earlier with Christmas cookies and mince pies for everyone still working. He'd missed the excitement there, but then she brought Amy to find him and she had called him from the squad room so he could share in their baking session. He was glad to see her happy, which was reflected in their light hearted banter and her sparkling eyes, it was all so different from the year before when they could barely speak to each other.

He had taken a big risk cornering her in the hotel that night and she could so easily have done more than just walked away, he could have found himself on assault charges, he still got a sick feeling anytime he thought of that moment. But she hadn't done either and now she was married to him and he felt like the luckiest guy alive. Things were finally falling into place. He watched her with Amy and noted how relaxed and happy she seemed.

It was going to be a good Christmas, but first he had to handle this case and tie up the paperwork before going home. It sounded like it was going to take all night from what Mac and Stella were saying as they looked over the body. That was not the news he wanted to hear. He tried to call his wife to let her know he wouldn't be meeting her at the church, but it went straight to voicemail a clear indicator that she was already there. He looked around him and sighed then looked at his watch again. It was another minute later than when he had last looked. He'd just have to live with the fall out later when he got home.

That's when the angels smiled on him, literally, and delivered Jessica Angell; within minutes she had relieved him of his memo book and sent him on his way. Luckily traffic was on his side as he drove home, then walked the couple of blocks to the church.

The priest was mid flow in his sermon when he crept into the church and stood looking for her. She had picked a seat near the back and had saved him a seat at the end of the row. He quickly slipped into it and paused for a moment of contemplation before reaching for her hand and whispering an apology. Sitting there holding her hand made him think that this is just where he wanted them to be in fifty years time, together still holding hands and enjoying these moments of peace. The chords of the Christmas carol drew him back to the present and he let her hand go and reached for the hymn book on the ledge in front of him. He sensed a change in her as they sang. She was fiddling with something in her pocket. What really caught his attention was the fact that she lost her place in the carol and stopped singing. It was her favourite one and she practically knew the words by heart. He glanced at her and watched as she slid a small crumpled piece of paper onto his hymn book. She looked nervous as she tipped her head towards the paper indicating he should read it.

Slowly he ran his fingers across it smoothing out the wrinkles so he could

read it. It looked like one of those printouts they got up in the lab when they were testing DNA or something. Her name was clearly on the top along with a list of symbols and figures. The last one had a gold circle linked to a message across the bottom. He didn't want to read this right here, if there was something wrong with her he didn't want to find out as they shared this moment, he didn't want to find out at Christmas, couldn't this wait? He looked at her, she was focused on the alter and the song, he looked back at the paper and ran his fingers across the lettering smoothing out the paper.

_This means we're pregnant_

He felt a knot form in his stomach and if they hadn't been in church he may well have had a few choice words. Well he did, but he swallowed them hard. This was why it had been so important to her for him to be there. She had planned this. He felt the tears cloud his eyes. He realised she must have known when he saw her earlier. He had so many questions, but was unable to ask her, he could almost feel her trembling as she stood at his side. She was nervous and probably a little scared too. After the loss of the baby a year before it had been on their minds a lot since the Brighton Beach case. They hadn't made a conscious decision to try again, but the last few months had left them in a better place. He wanted to know if she was alright, how long she had known, what he should do, but in Church on Christmas Eve was not the time to bombard her. Maybe she had known what his reaction would be, that's why she planned it this way.

He knew Christmas was important to her, that she was infecting Amy with the magic of the festive season. She always had a way of surprising him. A smile slowly spread across his face as he looked at her again. Anywhere else and he would have been yelling, telling the world, he could barely keep it in. The knot it his stomach tightened and he balled his fists for a moment to channel the excitement that was raging inside him. Pregnant? They were going to have a baby. He wondered why hadn't he noticed her being sick? He slipped his arm around her waist and drew her close. She remained impassive. He kissed her temple and whispered to her. She had told him in the one place where he had to take things calmly, he couldn't show her how he really felt. His stomach was churning, his head spinning. He was glad when a buzz of voices echoed around them as people greeted each other. He swept her into his arms and planted a deep kiss on her lips. He ignored the murmurs of disapproval from the old folk around them. He didn't care, he needed her to know that it was good. Now the questions came. She chided him quietly about one of them, but the sparkle in her eyes told him she was OK with things, it was a complete opposite reaction from the year before. He looked at her and asked if she was alright. Scared of the answer she might give, but she smiled back and assured him she was fine and that he should pay attention to the service. The little old lady he turned to next scowled at his overt display of affection in church. He took her hand warmly as Nikki explained his exuberance. It was enough to change the look on her face and they exchanged a few words as she wished them well.

Sitting through the next thirty minutes of the service was torturous, all he wanted to do was talk to her, get all the information, but she made him sit through it all. He was relieved when it was over and they were leaving. It had been a magical moment, she had certainly made it memorable. He reached for her hand and watched as she descended the steps. He watched her, unable to conceal the grin which he felt was permanently plastered across his face. He wondered for a moment if he had just dreamt it all, he needed confirmation, he needed to know it all. He questioned her and all she did was to whisper "Happy Christmas". He couldn't resist capturing her lips in a deep intense kiss before taking stock and staring into her eyes looking for signs of panic and fear, like he had seen the year before when Peyton had told her of the test results. But they were gone, replaced with a soft sparkle as she smiled back at him. This time she was in control and she seemed happy.

He was a little disappointed when she confirmed she had already made two trips to a doctor, but he couldn't hold it against her, after the last time she needed to be sure for herself and for him. To know that this time things were going to be OK. He had missed out when she was pregnant with Amy, he had not seen her the whole time until the day before his daughter was born. He would be there this time, every step of the way. Taking care of her, nothing this time could go wrong. She talked him through the basic care plan, and eased his fears at the timings, assuring him it was routine, but also assuring him that things would be watched closely to ensure things didn't happen like before. He silently vowed that there would be no repeat of before especially if he had anything to do with it.

He kept her arm linked through his as they walked home in the softly falling snow talking about the baby and his responsibilities. She had teased him about panicking and assured him that he only needed to be himself. They talked of how things had been with Amy, how she felt he saw it as a duty to take care of them, not because he had wanted to. He once again tried to lay those ghosts to rest and told her that the first time he held Amy in his arms was when he knew they should be together, that the night she had been conceived was not just a one night stand.

This time was different, she was ready, he was scared shitless over what he needed to do for the next few months to support her. But she had been right it had been a magical hour and they were going to face it all together, as a family. Nothing was going wrong this time.

----

Once they got home he found it hard to take his eyes off her. The figure hugging dress clung to her just right, her hair hung down her back. He was blown away again at how stunning she looked. The thought that she was carrying his child and this time was so happy about it just churned his stomach, he just wanted remember this moment. She knew he was checking her out, he could tell by the pink flush to her cheeks as she looked up at him. She turned away, but he stopped her, snaking his arm around her and pulling her close, her back to him. He smoothed the dress over her stomach, wondering what it would be like as the baby grew, how it would feel. He was totally in awe of what was going on inside her, what they had created.

He never had the chance to feel all this with Amy, but he was determined not to miss a minute of this baby's development. He wanted to know what to expect, when he could feel it inside her. He asked if she wanted a boy or girl. Her answer didn't surprise him. She guessed he would want a boy, but the truth was he really didn't care as long as this baby survived and mum and baby were both OK. He didn't know if either of them could survive if they lost this one too. He was happy she was in a good mood as they bantered about the unspeakable things he did to her on their honeymoon which had lead to this moment. He was buzzing that she had finally put her past behind her, that she had accepted him and was finally getting comfortable with the intimate side to their relationship and while she may have taunted him about locking her in their cabin, the truth was she had enjoyed it as much as he had.

As she turned in his arms and he let his hands glide over her dress he noted she was looking tired and insisted that she went to bed while he played Santa for their daughter. She tried to argue, but he wasn't going to hear of it. He was going to make sure she took no unnecessary risks that could jeopardise the safety of herself or their child and with his uncertainty at this alien situation he pleaded with her to indulge him and when she agreed he swept her off her feet and carried her to the bedroom before she could change her mind.

-----

Next morning he found it hard to take his eyes off his beautiful wife, still amazed that she carried another piece of them, a brother or sister for Amy. It was his daughter who seemed to notice first and she told him off about watching his wife. He grinned at being caught out by a five year old and turned his attention to her. She asked to go to the park, how could he turn down that angelic face? Simple answer? He couldn't so he sent her to get ready while he wandered into the kitchen to talk to the mother of his kids. She looked just as stunning as she had the night before in another figure hugging dress, which for now showed no signs of what was to come. They debated about how long it could remain between them and they hoped for a while, at least until her first scan at around ten weeks. She assured him she was fine to be left alone, that she felt good, that the doctor had told her things were going well. She started to push him out of the door, but not before he seized the opportunity to sneak a kiss, which was all he got as Amy thundered into the kitchen squealing at him for being gross. The kid had a lot to learn, but it wasn't a lesson he needed her to know until she was well into her thirties. He was somewhat relieved when she declared that she would never kiss a boy. As he dismissed her to finish getting her coat on Nikki took great delight in dropping in the thought about the questions she would ask about the baby when they told her. That was a conversation he was not having with a five year old. When his wife insisted that the questions would come and they shouldn't lie to her he calmly advised that it was her job to have **that** talk with the kids, but she had been just as quick to remind him that they were both responsible.

----

He was shocked when he got back from the park to discover his newly pregnant wife was carrying chairs down stairs, so before his Mother-in-Law could finish her sentence he had gone flying up the stairs. His stomach started to settle a little when he realised the chairs in question hadn't moved from where he put them a few days earlier. But the relief was short lived when he found her sitting on the floor of their en-suite bathroom looking deathly pale. Dropping to his knees at her side he hurriedly brushed her hair from her face and checked her over as she tried to assure him she was fine. Yeah, how could she be fine sitting on the damned bathroom floor looking like a ghost? He asked why she was there and with her reply their plan of a little more time to prepare themselves went out of the window. _How could she be morning sick at lunchtime? He had a lot of catching up to do about all this pregnancy stuff._ As he helped her from the floor and vowed to protect her from her mother she twisted away from him to deliver another prayer to the porcelain God.

It wasn't a surprise when he was quizzed about his disappearing act once he reappeared in the kitchen. He tried to dodge out of it, but Maggie knew, she lectured him on how tough her daughter was, that he didn't need to be so over protective. Only she didn't know it wasn't only her daughter that he had been thinking of, but the child growing inside her.

All too soon the moment arrived and with a quick glance the girls were there and he watched in awe as she told Amy the news about the baby. The slight puzzled expression from Amy and the smile of joy from Maggie played out almost as she had said it would. The stupid grin he had worn since the night before was still plastered on his face, but it wavered a bit when Nikki looked at him, with a knowing expression as Amy asked the dreaded questions. He watched as she took their daughter's tiny hand and placed it over her abdomen and encouraged her to talk to her baby brother or sister.

He followed his daughter back to the lounge a few minutes later to give the older women time alone. What he hadn't expected as Amy played with her new doll was the tirade of questions which came out. After the fifth or sixth one he admitted to not knowing the answer to, he sent her to ask her mother. He'd barely got his own head around the fact that there was a baby, let alone how big it was, whether it could suck it's thumb yet, was it going to have blue eyes like them? All things he hadn't got the first clue about answering.

He heard his girls come to join him and Amy bounded into his lap as he wallowed on the couch mulling over all the questions. Soon his wife joined them and gave them each a present. He saw his daughter enthusiastically tear off the paper and soon joined her, finding himself holding a book _The Guy's Guide to Surviving Pregnancy, Childbirth and the First Year of Fatherhood. _He was a little amazed that such things existed after all she was the one carrying the baby. He wondered why she had gone to the trouble, after all there wasn't a lot for him to do. Right?

Attention was soon on Amy as she poured over her own books, one about being a big sister, the other helping to explain in simple terms what was happening to her mother. Of course this was the one she got straight into. He listened as Nikki explained things and pointed at relevant pictures. He watched over his daughter's head as they both took in the details, even if the imagery left a little to be desired. And from those loopy pictures came the baby's nick name. The Alien.

---

The rest of their Christmas Day was filled with laughter with friends over dinner, after they had been cornered about Nikki's welfare after almost passing out when Stella and Mac arrived. So the news was out. He made it quite clear to Stella that any idea of baby showers had to wait for another six months. Nothing was going to happen until they were clear that the danger period was over. One thing was clear though, everyone would be looking out for her, and Mac was sure to find her safe jobs to do to avoid any risk. That he wasn't sad about.

Trouble was the worry cut both ways and he realised it after she took that phone call announcing one of his guys had been shot. With Mac and Hawkes he prepared to head out to the scene, knowing little more than there had been a shooting and Harris, the former rookie, had taken a round to the shoulder. He saw the look on her face and assured her he would stay safe. She told him it was the hormones talking when she was almost in tears knowing he had to go. It was one of the hardest things he had ever done when a few minutes later he walked away from her. He just hoped things weren't as bad as they appeared and he'd be home soon.

-----

Her relief was clear to see when they all returned home safely a few hours later and they were able to enjoy the rest of their day. It was getting late when their friends left and they retired to bed. However it wasn't to be the quiet night he hoped for. He was certain she had fallen asleep quickly, but something had woken him. The bed beside him was empty and he glanced at the numbers glaring from the clock. He couldn't hear anything, the lights were all out. After calling her name quietly a couple of times he decided to see where she had gone. Emerging from their room he had seen her standing in the doorway to Amy's room watching over their daughter as she slept.

She looked up as he stopped behind her and he wrapped his arms around her, resting them on her stomach. He questioned why she was out of bed at 2am. She told him she couldn't sleep, too much on her mind. He offered to talk and take her back to bed, but she declined. He persisted. The name alien had stuck and it seemed to amuse her when he used it. Amy had been right, that's what the baby looked like just then.

Back in bed and cradled in his arms, he liked the feel of her head on his chest. He relaxed, happy that she was doing ok and that things were going well. A new baby was going to be a challenge, but this time he'd be there every step with her, not just flying in at the last minute having found out she was eight months pregnant. This time life was good. He knew she was still awake, as long as she stayed where she was he had no intention of digging into what was keeping her awake. She probably thought he was asleep, but he wasn't. He let his mind wander over the last 6 years of their lives.

He wished she had confided to him about what happened with Jason, the infidelity which initiated her broken heart, but then again maybe it was good she hadn't, she knew he would have taken off to give the guy a talking too, and it wouldn't have been all verbal. The thought that the love of her life had betrayed her so spectacularly made him seethe. That he had been having a fling behind her back in the weeks leading up to the wedding was something Don would never have forgiven. Instead he was forced to watch the agony and guilt which almost destroyed her in the years after her husband's death. That was all over now. She had started again. A roller coaster journey accompanied her return to the city. Their on off relationship a side effect of the feelings which she never got to address with the lying, cheating scumbag she had married. But now that was all over, they were married now and making a life for themselves and their daughter. The news that she was expecting and that she was really OK with it had been the best Christmas present ever. Things were finally coming together and the future looked brighter.

He sighed and felt her shift as she kissed his bare chest lightly and roll over. He rolled with her letting his arms snake around her, pulling her close and laying his hand protectively on her stomach as he planted a kiss on her shoulder, feeling her shiver at the sensation. Life couldn't get much better. He knew she was finally ready to sleep.

This was where she belonged.

She was finally home.

* * *

_Thanks to Lily Moonlight for the chats and for the sanity checks in proof reading the last few chapters._

_I also couldn't leave them here, a new chapter of their lives is unraveled in "Beacons of Home" which picks up about a month later._


End file.
